Thursday, 9 May 2013

Dating Chinese Women: Is She Sincere?

If there is only one thing you can count on when dating Chinese women, it is that they only date to marry.  This is one of the reasons why “dating” has a different meaning for a foreign man and a Chinese woman, even if both of them are searching for a life mate. 

Nowadays, modern Chinese women are still under a lot of pressure to marry and have children.  Most of them may be braver and choose to pursue personal goals first and delay marriage; but the pressure for them to find a life mate never goes away, nor does it fade.  When these women finally decide to start looking for a partner, it is because they are ready.  Foreign men can be sure that these women are sincere about being ready for married life, instead of just being pressured into it. 

Many women of China who are seeking a foreign mate are also self-made and self-sustaining.  They persisted to obtain good quality, higher education and worked hard to achieve their career goals.  In fact, many of these women will not want to leave China even after marrying a foreign man, especially if they already have well-established careers/stable jobs.  They also realize that there are still far better opportunities that they have yet to explore in their country.  Foreign men can be certain that many of the women they will meet online are not interested in a visa and are sincere about their affection. 

Being financially independent, these successful daughters of China are able to support their parents on their own.  Even if they and their parents still stick to traditional standards when choosing a mate, – that is, a mate who owns or can afford a house and who is as or more financially secure than the woman – it is not because they are only looking for a husband to give them financial support.  More often than not, it is really just about adhering to traditional customs.  So foreign men can rest assured that most of the Chinese women they will meet are sincere when they say that they are not after their money.  (One has to make sure, of course, that the woman does have a stable and well-paying job.)     

But there are certain signs of insincerity that one should watch out for, especially with regards to why they are looking for a foreign partner. 

Even in today’s modern Chinese society, there are adult Chinese women who still concede to the authority of their mothers, whose approval of their choice of a mate remains a critical factor.  So if you meet a Chinese woman online who keeps dodging questions about her parents or keeps giving very vague answers, it is possible that a) her parents/mother will/may not approve of a foreign partner, and/or b) she still has not told them about her online dating activities. 

If this is the case, you may actually end up stood up at the airport when you finally fly to China to visit her, or stranded in the middle of your trip when her parents finally find out about you and disapprove.   

If you initiated contact with a woman whose dating profile only shows one or two photos and/or does not say much about her, you can try to find out more when she responds.  It will be reasonable on your part to want to make sure that she looks the same as she does in her photo/s and to request to see her through video chat or to request for more current photos.  If she makes excuses or says no outright, then it may be a good idea for you to move on. 

Of course, you have to make sure she understands that you have no ill-intentions when you request for a video chat or for more photos; she may just be worried that you’re heading toward more sexually-related activities.

Another red flag you should watch out for is if a woman immediately wants to know if you will be helping her get a visa or if she actually states right away that helping her obtain a visa is a condition before she considers pursuing a relationship with you.  You may view her straightforwardness as a refreshing sign of honesty and her condition/expectations may be acceptable to you; but if you’re not comfortable with such demands, then it may be time for you to simply continue your search. 

When it comes to dating, not everything is black and white, of course; you should still use your own judgment when deciding if a woman is sincere or not.  Discover tons of great information about online dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese.


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