Why Foreign Men Prefer an “Older” Chinese Wife

Despite the shortage in women that are eligible for marriage in China, the market for a Chinese wife is still wide open for foreign men; and these men only have to compete amongst themselves, not against Chinese men. This is because the pool of potential Chinese wives available to foreign men mostly include women of China that are considered “leftovers” and no longer suitable as partners for the men in their own culture.

Given that single, Chinese ladies are in very high demand, it does seem ridiculous that Chinese men are still being unrealistically picky; but as they say, one man’s “leftover” is another man’s treasure.

While Chinese men view these thirty-something, independent, educated, and successful women as “too old,” “too strong,” “not very feminine,” and/or “too successful,” western men find all these traits admirable and very ideal in a Chinese wife. For them, age does not matter; and, relatively speaking, being in their thirties does not make these women “too old” for marriage.

Additionally, independence, a high level of education, and success only make them better women – these are traits that also demonstrate maturity and open-mindedness, and all of these combined make them better suited for cross-cultural relationships.

At the same time, these self-sufficient Chinese ladies still hold in high regard the most important, traditional, Chinese values. As partners, they demonstrate loyalty, devotion, and sensibility. Even while they pursue career ambitions, family always comes first.

Their pursuit of higher education (with many holding master’s degrees and PhDs) and success in their chosen field often means that they had to defy traditional gender expectations and overcome great odds. Getting to where they are now molded them to become more well-rounded, proactive, and a woman of the world, not just of China. Given that being a Chinese wife to a foreign man comes with more than the usual marital challenges, her determination and flexibility make her better prepared, emotionally and mentally, to face these challenges.

Being independently successful also means that they can also make greater contributions to their family’s future, not only by raising a family but also by being a provider. And they certainly do not mind not being completely dependent on their husband. The appreciation and respect they get in return, as well as the stability that they are also able to provide for their family, only add to their sense of fulfillment.

Their greater knowledge of the world outside China and personal experiences make them better partners to foreign men and help balance out the cultural differences. Certainly, these women are the least likely to demonstrate sajiao behavior, which is typical of many, younger Chinese ladies. They are not clingy, insecure, demanding, and/or childish – traits that a man who is looking for a lifetime commitment with someone from a different culture might consider unbecoming in an ideal Chinese wife.

Today’s Chinese women offer the best of both worlds: the modern sensibilities of the West and the precious traditional family values of the East. A foreign man who finds a Chinese wife such as this is one, very lucky man, indeed, regardless of how these supposedly leftover women are looked down upon in their society. Chinese men certainly do not know what they are losing out on.

A foreign man looking for his dream Chinese wife would do well to learn as much as he can about the relevant issues affecting Chinese women today. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Express Yourself to Your Chinese Love Through Actions

How can you communicate effectively with your Chinese love? Even if you have decent Chinese communication skills and your Chinese girlfriend or wife is also proficient in the English language, this does not always guarantee successful communication. Speaking the same language does not always mean that a sturdy and reliable bridge can be easily formed between two people. When it comes to cross-cultural relationships, building and maintaining such a bridge is even tougher.

Of course, if you are not very good in Chinese and/or your Chinese love is not skilled in English, then being in a cross-cultural relationship becomes a constant uphill and rocky climb. Then again, not speaking the same tongue as your partner also does not always mean that the relationship is bound for failure. In fact, sometimes there’s a benefit to having an initial language barrier, as it forces two people to go beyond verbal communication. There are more and far better ways to communicate than just through words.

Given that many western men are not always very verbal when it comes to their feelings – a supposed flaw that most western women often find annoying – the fact that the Chinese rely more on what is unspoken and on what someone’s actions signify can actually make a relationship with a Chinese woman more ideal for a foreign man.

To the Chinese, non-verbal communication actually speaks volumes. This includes facial expressions, gestures, postures, tones of voice, and eye contact. These forms of non-verbal interaction play an important role in daily Chinese life and are often more powerful than verbal communication when it comes to relaying thoughts and feelings, whether the interaction is within the context of a marriage, of family, a business relationship, or any other kind of relationship for that matter.

Their considerable reliance on non-verbal communication is largely based on the nature of the Chinese language, which is made up of more than 3,000 characters. The meaning of each changes depending on with what other characters it is combined, the specific tone when it is pronounced, and the specific purpose of its use. In short, verbal Chinese communication heavily relies on non-verbal means of expression.

Additionally, the Chinese have a natural tendency to be mum when it comes to emotional expression. Speaking their mind is one thing; but putting their feelings into words is not something that comes to them naturally, in the same way that showing their affection through physical contact is also unnatural for them.

When you’re in a relationship with a Chinese woman, always keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Your Chinese love would not mind much if you’re not very articulate, whether in English or Chinese; the most important thing for her would be how you show her that you care. After all, even the prettiest words said to a loved one are just words, and basically meaningless, unless you back them up with sincere action.

It’s not what you say, but how you say it: the tone of your voice; the expression on your face; your posture and gestures; and whether there’s sincerity in your eyes. You can also show your Chinese love how you feel in small and countless ways: send her flowers to let her know you miss her, that you’re thinking about her, or that you’re sorry; learn how to cook her favorite Chinese dish; show concern for her parents; make future plans with her.

Given that your culture is very different from hers, you must also learn about the meanings the Chinese give to certain gestures and the different contexts within which they are often used. Misunderstanding can also arise simply from not knowing that a certain flower or gift wrapper color is not the appropriate one for a certain occasion, such as your Chinese love’s birthday; or that ignoring or being irritated at her sajiao behavior means you don’t care about her needs.

While you may never be as articulate in the Chinese language as you are in the English language, you can still build a meaningful bridge between you and your Chinese love using non-verbal means. In time, the two of you will develop your own form of communication, one that is deeper and which won’t even need words at all, just a certain look in one’s eyes or a certain facial expression.

A foreign man seriously looking for the Chinese love of his life will find tons of great information about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, and all things that concern Chinese society and culture on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted dating, where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Powerless Chinese Women

The empowered Chinese woman has been applauded in all forms of media in recent years, and she certainly deserves it. She has elevated the status of Chinese women in their society through her professional and financial successes. Unfortunately, she has also taken a lot of attention away from those women, particularly the ones in rural China, who remain powerless and are still frequently subjected to severely unfair and psychologically damaging treatment.

The diversion is not intentional, of course, but it is still a diversion just the same. The great opportunities and freedoms that many modern women of China now enjoy have made it possible for these women to take a big leap forward and up. But not all Chinese females are so lucky. There are still far more of them, mostly in China’s rural areas, that continue to suffer violations of women’s rights.

As fast as the modern daughters of China have made their mark in their society, and even the world, the elevation of their status is still not fast enough or big enough to reverse the trend of depression and other psychological problems among China’s greater female demographic. Indeed, the country still has the highest female suicide rate in the world, with an alarming 590 women committing suicide every day.

One of the longest-standing, cruelest, and most harmful women’s right violations that remain to this day in China is the government-sanctioned forced abortions that are enforced as part of the strict implementation of the country’s One-Child Policy.

Women’s Rights Without Frontiers president, Reggie Littlejohn, said in an online article published by the Catholic News Agency (http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/chinas-one-child-policy-denounced-as-violating-womens-rights/) that one of the most damaging effects of the one-child policy on Chinese women is the enforcement of abortion “…. up to the ninth month of pregnancy.” She added that, “It is also enforced through forced sterilization and coercive birth control.”

Social media has made it possible for the heartbreaking and terrible stories of numerous women who have suffered forced abortions to be heard. Additionally, given that Chinese families traditionally prefer sons over daughters, the country’s one-child policy has resulted in the selective abortions of female babies – which can be seen as one of the most atrocious forms of gender bias. Indeed women’s rights are commonly violated in China even before they are born.

Such traumatic experiences naturally do a lot of damage to the mental health of these Chinese women. Many of the forced abortion procedures also often lead to other long-term health complications; some have even led to death.

The violation does not end with the taking away of a woman’s rights over her own body; many more violations of women’s rights have arisen from the One-Child Policy’s enforcement of these abortions. More specifically, the sex-selective abortions have resulted in an extremely skewed sex ratio in China; it is estimated that there will be 37 million more men than women in China within the next decade or so. The current imbalance between gender populations have already led to an increase in the trafficking of women in Asia.

Women empowerment in China is a great thing; it’s a great step toward gender equality for all Chinese women. Instead of diverting attention away from the tragic plight of many other women of China, the phenomenon that is the empowered, successful, and independent Chinese woman should put into starker contrast the continued oppression of her fellow women.

This is just one of the many issues that modern Chinese women face nowadays. A foreign man looking at China women to find a life partner or wife would do well to learn as much as he can about relevant issues, such as this, that affect today’s Chinese woman. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and women of China share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Modern Chinese Women’s Marriage Standards

Increased financial capabilities have not only changed the women of China’s role as daughters, but also their roles as wives and members of their society. Alongside these changes, Chinese women’s marriage standards have also shifted.

It was bound to happen sooner or later – men’s marriage expectations from women have also finally caught up to China’s changing economic climate. Indeed, more men nowadays are not only okay with their wives also earning a lot of money for the family; they actually expect it. However, the majority of Chinese men still prefer that their wives not earn more money than they do.

With the cost of living in the country continuing its upward trend, two-income families – that is, households wherein both the husband and wife are breadwinners – have become the ideal.

Chinese women’s increased earning potential has naturally made them set higher income requirements from their future partners. But even this trend has also started to change, as a growing number of women are becoming more realistic with their expectations, being aware, themselves, of the financial challenges of starting a family nowadays.

While there are still many Chinese women who choose their mate based on how much he earns and if he owns or can afford to buy a house (mostly because these women’s incomes are not high enough to give them security), there are also a lot of working women who are more concerned about their partner having a stable job that can help make the family income more secure, rather than how much his income is.

According to the 2012-13 Annual Report on Social Mentality in China, published earlier this year by the Social Sciences Academic Press: (Source: http://english.people.com.cn/90782/8082385.html)

• Forty-four percent of the women that responded to the survey said their husbands should earn more than they do; this number is more or less consistent with the current marriage standards of Chinese women.
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In comparison, the number of men who said they expect their wife to earn as much as they do increased between 2005 and 2010, from 18.3 percent to 25.7 percent.
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In recent years, the acceptable age gap between husband and wife has also narrowed. The average age difference that was acceptable to women in 2005 was between 4.14 and 12.58 years; this narrowed down to between 1.1 and 8.47 years in 2010.
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A report released earlier this year by online dating site, Jiayuan.com, revealed that 98 percent of Chinese women said they would not require their husband to give them their salary; 39 percent said they do not want to become housewives after getting married.

It can only be for their good that more modern Chinese women are now changing their attitudes when it comes to mate selection. Having more realistic expectations coupled with romantic desires and increased self-awareness certainly make them better equipped to handle a modern wife’s obligations; perhaps more importantly, they are also much better suited now to be the other half in a cross-cultural marriage.

For foreign men who are actively engaged in the Chinese dating scene and are hoping to marry the Chinese woman of their dreams someday, the changing relationship and marriage trends among Chinese women signal greater chances of success for a cross-cultural marriage. With so many other difficulties that cross-cultural couples have to face, being able to check off the list the financial aspects can definitely make married and family life much, much easier.

Foreign men dreaming of having a Chinese wife can learn more about dating and marrying Chinese women, and about the issues, both past and present, that continue to mold them, on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

The Chinese Dating Market and China’s Culture of Scrambling

More and more women of China are taking it easy on the husband hunting, but there are still a lot more who are scrambling to get married. This is why the Chinese dating market is still booming. Public parks and dating events congested with singles and parents of singles searching for a potential mate are just another demonstration of China’s culture of scrambling.

The Chinese scramble for almost anything like there’s no tomorrow. They scramble for train tickets, especially during national holidays; they scramble to get on a bus or train; they scramble for food at supermarkets when there are rumors of shortages of certain goods or when a catastrophe just has occurred.

Certainly, some of their scrambling behaviors are justified. If they don’t push their way through the long “lines” at the bus or train station, they may not be able to go home for the holiday considering the huge number of people traveling during such periods. During rush hour, commuters outnumber public transport and scrambling becomes a necessity if they want to get home as soon as possible. Scrambling for and hoarding food are understandable when there are emergencies that threaten the food supply. These, and other factors from the past, have all contributed to create and foster China’s culture of scrambling. Because even when there is no real need to hurry, it has simply become the natural tendency of the Chinese to race, swarm, push, and jostle. It seems that all it takes is for them to see a line forming somewhere, or a small group of Chinese interested in something to trigger their scrambling instinct.

Even the rich scramble for luxury goods because, well, if they don’t, then they will lose face! Given the current state of the real estate market, being slower than the next person often means losing out on a chance to get a relatively affordable and decent house.

This culture of scrambling is mostly brought about by the people’s need for a sense of security. Scrambling is taking action, and taking action ensures that they will get what they need and/or want. Of course, they can always take the laid-back route and not rush to get something; but they are always threatened by the possibility that there may be nothing left for them if they waited. This is what their history has taught them.

The same reasoning can be applied to today’s Chinese dating trends. Marriage is still seen as a means of having future security, especially by parents. This is one of the biggest reasons why they pressure their children to get married soon after they graduate from college. The longer their kids, especially the daughters, remain single, the more they worry about their future, and the more pressure they put on these bachelors and bachelorettes; at the same time, they also feel more pressured to take action themselves.

It may seem that a potential husband for their daughter should not be something that parents should be scrambling for, especially when the daughter is only in her late 20s or early to mid-30s. But for a Chinese woman to still be unmarried at this age is considered “not normal;” people, even her own parents, start to think that there must be something wrong with her. Even the most confident, independent, and successful woman of China can be negatively affected by such kinds of judgment, even more so when it comes from her own parents. And so she joins the scramble for a husband on the Chinese dating market.

While a foreign man, whether new or an old-timer in the Chinese dating scene, seriously seeking his ideal Chinese wife may think that this is not the right attitude for a Chinese lady to have when searching for a life mate, he must always remember that a modern Chinese woman’s choices are not always easy. Additionally, he must not be too quick to question her motivations. This is where having an understanding of both China’s culture and the current issues that the women of China face becomes invaluable.

Foreign men dreaming of having a Chinese wife can learn more about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, Chinese customs, and life in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Dealing with the Curiosity of the Chinese While Chinese Dating

If you are a Western man into Chinese dating, and especially if you have traveled to China or been living there, you must already be aware of the infamous curiosity of the Chinese when they come into contact with foreigners. Some find it amusing; others find it impolite and annoying. Over time, foreigners realize that it is “one of those Chinese things” that come with life in China, especially when dating Chinese women.

“How old are you?” “Are you married?” “What are you doing in China?” “What kind of work do you do?” “How much do you make?” Certainly, to those who are not Chinese, these questions are very personal and even nosy. After being asked (very persistently, too) the same questions by practically every new Chinese person they meet, the experience soon becomes quite monotonous and they develop a standard strategy of dealing with the line of questioning, as well as a nonchalant attitude toward this Chinese pattern of curiosity.

For guys with a Chinese girlfriend or wife, if they don’t achieve a nonchalant attitude, and let it get to them, it is bound to create a huge rift in their relationship, because their obvious peevishness is going to make them and their Chinese love look bad in the eyes of her friends and family, aka “losing face”. Their Chinese dating experience is going to hit a big bump.

Since China has opened itself up to the rest of the world, increased interactions with foreigners have made the country more aware of the need to improve their people’s sensitivity to other cultures, whether they are abroad or at home. In fact, before the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, the government released a “Courtesy Guide Relating to How We Should Engage in Conversation with Foreign Friends And Not Invade Personal Privacy or Offend Taboos.”

The guidelines were aptly called the “Eight Don’t Asks Courtesy Notice,” and were published by the media and also posted in public places all over Beijing during that period. This is what the notice said:

Citizens, please be mindful that in your exchanges with Foreign Friends during the Olympic period that you:

Should not ask about a person’s income or the way they spend their money; Should not ask people their age; Should not ask people about their ‘love lives’ or marital status; Should not ask about people’s health; Should not inquire after a person’s residential address; Should not inquire about an individual’s personal history; Should not ask people about their religion or politics; and, Should not ask a person about their profession.

Fast forward to today, and most Chinese still subject foreigners to questions that are a normal part of conversation among the Chinese and which they honestly do not find inappropriate, but which most foreigners consider very intrusive. This is true even in cities where there is a huge foreign population, as well as in areas that are not as popular to laowais.

While, to a foreign man, such inquisitiveness may seem insensitive and he may feel that his privacy is being invaded, he must remember that as the guest in China, he has the greater responsibility of adjusting to the other person’s culture.

It is true that the Chinese have a lot to learn about “acceptable” and “unacceptable” social behavior, as international or western standards define these terms, but when there is no ill intention on the Chinese’s part, a foreigner must not react with disrespect. Any form of “ignorance” does not excuse bad behavior from either one, after all.

As a foreign man who is Chinese dating, especially when you have serious intentions of finding a Chinese wife, you do have to learn to adjust to such “curious” behaviors. You must have an open-mind and have the patience to indulge certain culturally-influenced conducts and attitudes. These traits are important if you ever hope to have a successful cross-cultural relationship with a Chinese woman.

Chinese dating and cross-cultural relationships present unique challenges, but they can also be very rewarding and, for many foreign men, they take them closer to the realization of their dream of finding a Chinese wife. One can find invaluable information about these and all things Chinese on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating.

The Perfect Chinese Woman as Chinese Society Defines It

World-renowned designer, Diane von Furstenberg, once told The Wall Street Journal in an interview that “It is great to design for Chinese women, because they have great bodies. They are slim and have tiny waists, so it’s nice.” This is the stereotype of the perfect Chinese woman that most Chinese women all over the world strive to live up to and judge themselves by.

Body image issues are not unique to Chinese women, of course. The pressure for women to be thin, in particular, seems to be a universal constant for most modern societies. In China, and in many Asian cultures in fact, the pressure mostly comes from the fact that Chinese (Asian) women are genetically gifted with slim bodies. “Slim,” however, is a relative term.

What westerners consider “slim,” the Chinese may already consider “fat.” Even what is considered “normal” or “healthy” weight is often seen as less than ideal. Indeed, the Chinese are known for being very vocal when it comes to a person’s weight, as well as other physical attributes. Foreigners visiting or living in China actually also regularly receive comments about their weight from Chinese people (neighbors, co-workers, friends, and even strangers); and when it comes to family members, they can be even more critical. Body-shaming is the norm.

Just as the Chinese are obsessed about the concept of harmony in the form of yin and yang, so are they obsessed with excellence and perfection; the latter is inextricably tied with the Chinese concept of face. This attitude is part of their culture. For a Chinese woman, perfection means not only being an excellent student and, eventually, a successful career woman; it also means being physically perfect, and a big part of this is having a thin body.

It does not help that when Chinese women are portrayed in magazines, on billboards, on TV, and in movies, whether locally or abroad, they are always thin. In comparison, western women are portrayed in their various shapes and sizes (although the idea that thin is beautiful is still widely promoted). So many women of China whose particular body types do not fit into the advertised and often airbrushed images of Chinese models, they feel frustrated and insecure.

They have Chinese genes and, so, they should be naturally thin. If a Chinese woman is of a certain height, then she should only be of a certain weight. In addition to their obsession to have porcelain, white skin and western facial features, the women of China also feel the need to make themselves literally fit into the slim mold that their society has created for them.

What happens if they don’t? Aside from constantly being reminded of their so-called imperfections by their parents, relatives, and friends, they also face discrimination in the workplace. Because even in today’s modern China where women already enjoy a certain degree of empowerment, discrimination and unfair standards still exist.

In fact, it is common for some job ads to list specific height and weight requirements for female applicants; some even require specific body proportions. And it is widely accepted in Chinese society that “beautiful” Chinese women have better chances of getting ahead in life than those who do not meet the Chinese standards of beauty and perfection.

A foreign man dating a Chinese woman should not be surprised and turned off if she has certain body image issues. Certainly, he must not be too quick to judge her as being a shallow person, much like many western women that he had dated in the past. The reality for many of these Chinese ladies is not always so simple. Most of their issues, even those that seem superficial, are often closely tied to their society’s traditional attitudes and beliefs.

A Chinese woman who strongly feels that she can never be thin enough, beautiful enough, or perfect enough to satisfy her family and society does not need more judgment from a foreign man, especially when she is seriously looking for a man she can trust and spend the rest of her life with. Change has to start from the inside and having a foreign man with different attitudes and beliefs to support, appreciate, and love her for who she is can certainly help ignite the change in mindset that she needs to make.

A foreign man looking for a perfect Chinese woman would do well to learn as much as he can about the relevant issues affecting today’s Chinese woman. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Women, Chastity, and Tangible Benefits

Traditional Chinese beliefs continue to place a high value on the chastity of Chinese women.  At the same time, premarital sex is now common among the current and younger generations of Chinese, especially those in the urban areas; but while it is widely practiced, it is not widely talked about.  It is the Chinese version of “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” their parents, that is. 

A foreign man dating Chinese women to find his dream Chinese wife will most likely meet many who are no longer virgins but are, all the same, very timid when it comes to any form of intimacy.  If he has been Chinese dating long enough, he may even meet a few who are still virgins despite the fact that they are already in their late twenties to their thirties. 

This should not be a surprise in a society where many single women in their 20s and 30s looking for a husband do not have any dating experience at all, and have never been in a single relationship. 

To a great degree, keeping one’s chastity is about being a virtuous, Chinese woman; to a lesser, but still important, degree, it is also about having a higher value, particularly as a wife.  Indeed, many Chinese mothers drill this lesson into their daughters heads, from childhood until they finally find a good man to marry.

They are taught that being chaste will increase their chances of landing a good husband.  Every chance they get, mothers remind their daughters that having sex before marriage is a stupid move and that girls who engage in premarital sex are stupid girls.  There is a lot to be gained for remaining chaste, and a lot more that one can lose by being unchaste.  

If a Chinese woman wants to marry into a good family, then she must stay very competitive by keeping her chastity, especially in today’s very tough marriage market.  With Chinese wives being a highly-in-demand commodity and many ladies of China having impressive qualifications, still having one’s virginity will increase her value and make her more desirable. 

For women of China who are still single in their late 20s, and especially those in their 30s, their desirability as a life partner is considerably lowered and competing with much younger females often make it extremely difficult for them to find a suitable mate.  Being a virgin, however, may just get them noticed and give them the competitive edge they desperately need.    

In many traditional societies, not just China, a woman can gain and lose respect based solely on whether or not she is still a virgin.  Considering how far Chinese women have come – from being subservient daughters, wives, and daughters-in-law to being self-made and independent career women – it is ironic that such old-fashioned attitudes about a woman’s worth still persist.

Many modern, single, Chinese women no longer subscribe to this belief.  This does not mean, however, that they are also promiscuous.  Whether or not they are open about their more liberated views about sex to their mothers is different question altogether; but they have come to realize that their sense of worth, as a person and a future wife to a deserving and decent man, goes far beyond chastity. 

Some foreign men may find unmarried, twenty- or thirty-something Chinese women who are still virgins admirable; others may recognize the challenges of being in a relationship with women who have very limited relationship experience, if at all, and choose to write them off as potential partners.  It would help to know, though, if remaining chaste was the woman’s personal choice or if it was the result of their personal circumstances.  Knowing can help a foreign man figure out if there might still be a possibility for a meeting of their hearts and minds. 

Pursuing Chinese women, with the honest intention of finding one’s ideal Chinese wife, can be a great challenge, indeed, for any foreign man; learning as much as he can about them can make the challenges of cross-cultural dating and relationships easier to deal with.  Reputable Chinese dating sites, such as ChinaLoveMatch.net, offer invaluable information, tips, and advice on all things related to Chinese women, society, and culture. 

                                                                   

Chinese Dating in Modern Times

The age-old tradition of matchmaking in China has not died; it has only evolved with the times.  These days, parents advertise their unwed and overworked children’s qualifications in literal marriage markets, usually held in parks all over the country.  But Chinese singles, themselves, are not so helpless; many are actively engaged in Chinese dating online.     

While marriage markets are keeping China’s matchmaking tradition alive and well, Chinese dating online has quickly become a hugely thriving marriage market in its own right.  In fact, it has become such a profitable trend, not only for the Chinese dating sites but also for “shoppers” or seekers of mates, that Analysis International predicts it to rake in 2 billion yuan in annual revenue by 2014. (Source: http://english.people.com.cn/90782/8099269.html)

Online dating, which originated in the west, in many ways is a much more casual and unconstrained style of western dating.  So it is a bit surprising that the industry has taken off with such success in a society which is still largely traditional, especially when it comes to relationships and marriage. 

Another surprising development is how the Chinese have re-shaped the online dating scene to suit their needs and even fit into their custom of finding a mate, instead of allowing this very modern trend to change their values and attitudes toward dating and relationships.  Indeed, leading and legitimate Chinese online dating sites promote themselves as marriage websites, where singles have excellent opportunities to meet potential lifetime partners, not casual encounters.

The majority of Chinese singles that use Chinese dating sites to find their mate, whether also Chinese or foreign, still follow traditional practices and use traditional standards.  Certainly, many are also putting emphasis on finding love and Mister/Miss Right, but they continue to uphold Confucian values when choosing a potential partner.

For example, many still place a lot of importance on a potential match’s education level, economic status, age, height, family background, and hukou.  Those with hukous, or residency permits in a top-tier city are considered more desirable than others.  Single Chinese women prefer men with equal or higher educational and economic standing, while the men prefer women with lesser qualifications.  These are the same qualifications that are sought out by “shoppers” in marriage markets held in public parks, and that have been used to measure a person’s suitability as a partner throughout most of China’s history.

It has been pointed out that China’s high rates of urban migration have significantly contributed to the Chinese online dating industry boom.  As more Chinese seek out better economic opportunities in the cities, they also effectively cut off their ties to their traditional social networks back home and effectively isolate themselves.  The demands of life and work in the cities also extremely limit their chances to create new social networks and, thus, their opportunities to meet potential mates. 

The online dating industry has given them very convenient tools to overcome the obstacles to dating that a migrant worker lifestyle inevitably brings.

Additionally, the popularity of online dating to Chinese singles has opened up doors for foreign “players” (in the best sense of the word) to join the Chinese dating scene and for Chinese women, in particular, to cast their nets wider.

Indeed, Chinese online dating has paved the way for countless, happy, cross-cultural relationships and marriages.  While foreign seekers of Chinese partners bring with them their western attitudes toward love and relationships, Chinese seekers continue to uphold their traditional values.  At the outset, the whole scenario may seem to be set up for failure; but, surprisingly, it has been shown to work many, many times, as proven by the numerous cross-cultural couples that now live happy, married lives. 

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, Chinese customs, and life in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Women are Being Hit by Depression

With the stresses, pressures, and high expectations that Chinese women have to deal with on a daily basis, it is not surprising that more and more of them are becoming susceptible to depression.  Stories of single Chinese women relocating from their hometown to the city, finding themselves with poor job prospects and having no family or friends to support them, and eventually becoming debilitated by clinical depression are becoming common in today’s China.

Better education and job opportunities can be found, of course, in the cities.  When the government became more lax with local migration – from the rural to the urban areas – and made good quality education and stable work easily available to the rural population and Chinese women, in particular, the greatest human migration in history began, and it’s still ongoing. 

As the growth of China’s economy eventually plateaued and then slowed down, as the number of Chinese women graduating from colleges and universities and looking for jobs increased, and as the cost of living in the cities increased, making a living has become more and more difficult.  Indeed, unemployment in China has been steadily rising. 

Those with stable jobs still find it very difficult to make ends meet, especially when a huge chunk of their monthly salary goes to rent.  They barely have enough left for their basic needs, to send money to their parents, and most are unable to save for the future. 

It’s a popular belief that because depression is associated with stress and women often live a low-stress life, they are less prone to depression.  The circumstances that the women of China find themselves in nowadays, however, make them very vulnerable to this illness. 

In Hong Kong, for instance, a survey revealed that 1.98 million people, or 35 percent of the population, are depressed; a huge fraction of this are young, Chinese women and homemakers.  In the mainland, the high rates of suicide among Chinese women also point to the same problem: depression.   

Most young Chinese women spent their childhood living with the constant pressure of proving their worth to their parents, many of whom still would have preferred a son rather than a daughter.  Being the only child, they were expected to excel in everything they did, mostly to ensure their and their parents’ financial security in the future. 

While some were expected to excel academically so that their “dating/marriage resume” would look great and they would be able to land a good husband soon after they graduated, others felt the pressure of finding a stable and well-paying job after graduation so they could start providing for their parents and saving for the future. 

At the same time, these Chinese women are still constantly pressured by tradition to find a good partner to marry and to start a family.  Conflicting and high expectations, financial difficulties, work-related stresses or the inability to find a good job, and filial obligations all combine to create a mental state that makes these women highly susceptible to clinical depression.

On top of all these stressors, women of China still suffer from gender discrimination, especially in the work place.  A woman’s natural predisposition to hormonal fluctuations also contributes to her vulnerability to this psychological disorder.

Full-time wives/homemakers also often live unhappy and unfulfilled lives, especially with Chinese husbands’ tendencies to stray and be neglectful.  Chinese homemakers devote their entire lives to taking care of their family; but nobody really takes care of them.  They have little time for themselves, and much less to socialize. 

Marrying foreign men can actually make things turn around for Chinese women, not because they can rely on foreign husbands to give them a comfortable life; but because these men are more supportive, considerate, and caring partners. 

Of course, being in a healthy relationship with the right person is not a panacea to the trend of depression that is debilitating many Chinese women; they have to learn to adapt more effectively to the stresses they are exposed to.  They have to develop the will and the strength to keep forging ahead despite the obstacles.  But a loving partner by their side will certainly make a huge difference.   

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women, having a Chinese wife, and Chinese dating and relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Love is Practical Love

Romance has rarely played a prominent role in most Chinese relationships and marriages; Chinese traditions place a higher value on practical considerations.  Nowadays, while romance has taken a more significant place in young relationships, the modern realities that China’s singles and couples have to face still leave them with little choice but to be favor practicality over romance. 

Many fresh graduates, for example, often find themselves facing the very real possibility of returning to their hometown and ending their relationship if they fail to find a job in the same city as their love.  Those who manage to do so soon realize that the demands of their job leave them with no time to sustain their relationship.  High cost of living and inadequate salaries also make keeping the romance alive impossible. 

For singles, Chinese dating is both a challenge and an obligation.  Their lack of experience, their filial obligations, their career, and their own basic needs only make the pressure to find a good partner as soon as possible more difficult to bear.  Their desire for romance, and even love, are continue to be outweighed by realities and traditions. 

Owning a house before marriage is still a requirement that most Chinese women expect their future husband to meet.  Given the skyrocketing prices of real estate in China’s most urbanized regions, this marriage requirement has more to do with ensuring the family’s future, rather than a woman’s greed or materialistic tendencies.  Once again, romance takes a back seat as traditional marriage customs and current economic conditions influence one’s dating and relationship options and decisions.

Even working and financially stable Chinese women often cannot afford to choose romantic love over practical love.  Aside from the demands of their career and their career goals, their age makes Chinese dating and finding love, romance, and a good partner extremely difficult. 

When they made the choice to establish a stable career and to become financially secure instead of jumping into marriage soon after graduating from college/university, they knew that when they are finally ready to get married, their optimal marriageable years will already be behind them and that most Chinese men their age or older will either already be married or prefer younger women.

A foreign man with serious intentions of finding a Chinese wife and, perhaps, even making a new life in China has to understand how most Chinese women view dating, relationships, and marriage.  Undoubtedly, today’s women of China do not just care about practical considerations, but also nurture romantic notions.  The environment they are in, however, effectively discourages any romantic hopes they may have as it encourages them to be more realistic about their dating, relationship, and marriage prospects.

This does not mean that love and romance cannot fit into the Chinese relationship equation.  Chinese women, and foreign men who seek them out, simply have to be patient and ready to make huge changes in their life and beliefs, as well as to make difficult compromises and even sacrifices. 

From a practical point of view, being in a relationship with a foreign man is actually more ideal for a Chinese woman, whether or not she’s a driven career woman or one who wants to devote all her time as a wife.  Realistically speaking, many foreign men do have better economic status and can provide a better future for his family. 

From a romantic point of view, a relationship/marriage with a foreign man means that a Chinese woman can realize the romantic notions which were actually influenced by her exposure to western culture.  Compared to Chinese men, foreign men are more romantically inclined and have the benefit of valuable dating and relationship experiences. 

Practical Chinese love does not have to be completely unromantic.  There are many, small ways to create and sustain romance in a relationship while also remaining realistic.  The Chinese are simply not always equipped with adequate and proper dating and relationship experiences and the social skills to help them navigate the path toward a happy, love-filled, romantic and secure marriage life.

But those Chinese wives who are seeking a more loving and caring relationship than is the Chinese custom will almost always make great students in learning the art of romance if their Western husband has the patience to slowly bring out the best in them.   These lucky men will find themselves with the best wife a man could hope for, a romantic loving Chinese wife.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese love, Chinese women, having a Chinese wife, and Chinese dating and relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

The Art of Saying “No” When Living in China and Chinese Dating

If you want to succeed in Chinese dating and also be able to build meaningful relationships while living in China, you will have to learn the Chinese art of saying “No,” and negative statements in general.  The American way of doing it is just too blunt, careless, and insensitive – at least, this is how the Chinese view it.  In China, you can’t just call it as you see it, especially when it will cause someone to lose face; you have to be considerate, give them a way out, or simply leave them guessing. 

This is especially important in your place of work and, when you finally find your dream Chinese woman, when you’re interacting with her family.  It will take time and plenty of confusing experiences, but, eventually, you will develop a more-or-less-acceptable euphemistic tongue, which will help you build and nurture long-term relationships.

In the work place, colleagues, particularly those who have lower positions than you, will often take on more work than they can handle because they won’t say no when you ask them directly if they can finish it, and you’re not able to read between the lines of their vague answers.  Of course, you will then expect them to actually finish the job because you don’t know any better.  Here are some ways that they might try to tell you in a very roundabout way that “No, they can’t do it.”  You can even use these replies yourself and your colleagues will understand your real meaning perfectly.

• I’ll do my best.
• It’s inconvenient.
• Maybe I can.
• I’ll give it a shot.

The same goes for situations where you have to refuse a request or tell somebody that they can’t do something, like take a nap in the middle of work.  And it’s always best to do it when nobody else is around so they won’t lose face. 

• I’ll think about it.
• Next time we need to talk to a client, observe how I do it.
• I hope you’ll get plenty of rest tonight, so you won’t be too sleepy tomorrow at work. 
• It’s been a very busy day at work today, Honey; it’s up to you if you still want us to go to that videoke bar or just have a quiet dinner at home tonight.

When you’re asked for an opinion or have to approve a completed work, instead of saying something is awful, you can use these statements disguised as positive reinforcement.

• Not bad.
• It looks alright; how about you take some more time to make some improvements?
• I appreciate your effort!  Review it some more and then show me again.
• That dress is nice, Honey; but you look lovelier in the red quipao. 

If you don’t agree with something, the best way to handle it is to mention why it’s maybe a good idea but not the best and the reasons why another option is better; don’t just say you don’t like it. 

• Honey, I want us to get married as soon as possible, so maybe we should have a more intimate and romantic wedding, and then maybe we can go on that honeymoon cruise we wanted!
• This idea might work, but how about if we do it like this?

Being an expat means the Chinese around you are often more understanding if you get confused or if you are more direct than is considered polite.  But being an expat also means you will have to adapt to the Chinese way of doing things, don’t expect them to adjust to you.  Always remember that if there are any misunderstandings, it’s very likely that there was a complete disconnect between what somebody said and your expectations.  Given enough time and an open mind, you will soon be able to decipher Chinese euphemisms for “No” and even deliver them yourself like a natural!  This is especially important when you’re seriously involved in Chinese dating while seeking your ideal China love match.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating, living in China, and building relationships in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Dating and Chinese City Living

Chinese dating may be a top or secondary goal for you while in China, but, of course, you will still have to make a decent living and, as much as possible, also try to live a good quality of life.  City living can definitely give you more opportunities to achieve the former, but not the latter. 

Making a decent living is always a given for any man who has serious, long-term relationship goals, not only when he’s dating a Chinese woman, but any other woman from a different cultural background, as well.  Having a good quality of life is often taken for granted and exchanged for good earning potential, but it is just as important to a man’s dating and relationship success, if not more. 

For the most part, Chinese city living does provide expats with great opportunities to earn good money and make themselves suitable providers to their ideal Chinese lady; at the same time, living in China’s first-tier cities can drastically reduce their quality of life, both in terms of physical and spiritual health.

A report on the urban competitiveness of China, made by the Chinese National Academy of Sciences’ National Academy of Economic Strategy, ranked China’s first-tier cities based on their suitability for living in terms of quality of life indicators, such as general cost of living, pollution, traffic, and general ecological environment.  Only two, Hong Kong and Macau, were classified as among the “most livable.”  (Source: http://usa.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2013-05/21/content_16513621.htm)

Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and most other first-tier Chinese cities, which many expats prefer to live and work in, did not make the grade.

These three cities, in particular, are among the top 10 with the best commercial advantages, cultural development, and city and countryside unification.  They have the biggest economic development and are the most preferred areas for both local and international investments.  For these reasons, they provide expats and the Chinese people alike with the best employment opportunities, as well as a high-standard of living in terms of access to modern comforts and technologies.

For expats, especially, being in a culturally diverse environment and having access to the best academic and medical resources, career opportunities, and western comforts can make their attempt at a new and better life in China easier to pursue.  Dating opportunities are also very good in these cities, as Chinese women who live/flock there are often well-educated, independent, and modern. 

But when it comes to “habitability,” these cities are not the best options, especially when one is also looking to start a family in the future.  Beijing, for example, boasts of having a very diverse population, a large expat community, the best medical facilities, and modern infrastructures; but the city has sacrificed the most basic essentials in exchange for its development.  Air and water quality, for example, is so poor that it is a chronic and very serious public health issue. 

Despite the fact that these cities are also the most advanced in terms of railway technology, road congestion remains a huge problem; traffic jams are a daily headache.  Rapid housing developments also do not translate to affordability; in fact, these places are the most expensive when it comes to real estate.  Affordable housing, many times, means very small spaces and unreliable water and heating services.  While western food is widely available, food safety, particularly involving the local food industry, remains a serious issue.

Having a culture that places a high value on balance and harmony, it is a surprise that most of China’s first-tier cities fail to achieve a balance between progress and habitability.  They do offer the best opportunities but not the best conditions for living. 

It can be said that China may now have a first-world economy, but living conditions in its most urbanized areas are still mostly on the “third-world level.”

Starting a new life in a new country can be challenging and an expat will have to go where the best opportunities are to increase his chances of success; perhaps China’s first-tier cities provide a great starting point, but eventually, he must also consider plans for the future, especially if they include having a family with his dream Chinese wife someday.  Being a good provider, after all, does not only mean economic stability and comfortable living; it also means being able to provide a good quality of life.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating and relationships, living in China, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Traveling Around China With Your Chinese Girlfriend

Once you are in the Middle Kingdom, don’t just limit yourself to the town or city where you’re staying in.  Whether you’re only visiting China as a tourist and to see your Chinese girlfriend, or if you’re here to work, take the time to explore this great and beautiful country!  Here are some pointers on how to get started.

There are three important factors you have to consider to help you figure out where/how far you can travel with your Chinese girlfriend.  First are the time constraints; second is your budget; and third is the type of visa you hold. 

The first two are self-explanatory.  If you have a multiple-entry visa, this means you’re not just limited to traveling within mainland China; you can also visit Hong Kong and Macau.  When you re-enter the mainland, your visa will be automatically renewed.  If you only have a double entry visa be sure you go to both Hong Kong and Macau on the same side trip, because you’ll only get back into mainland China once. If your visa is single-entry, there are still countless, interesting places within the mainland you can enjoy! 

When choosing where to go, find out how much the prices are.  Obviously, the biggest cities and most popular tourist destinations will be more expensive to visit.  Other, lesser-known or off-the-beaten-track and cheaper places all over China are just as interesting, if not more.  Check out travel websites.  You may even want to consider joining a tour group.  But having an adventure on your own is always more exciting!

You may also want to consider having a change in weather and atmosphere.  You can escape the cold temperatures of the north and head to the warmer, southern regions.  If you’re currently in a city, leave the heavy smog behind; instead of simply going to another polluted city, travel to a luscious mountain or seaside province!  Of course, make sure the weather is pleasant where you want to go given the time of year that you want to go there.

Do you want to soak up the richness of China’s culture or marvel at the modern architectures of the country’s most modern urban areas?  Do you want to travel through China’s history or bask in its modern glory?  Are you looking to escape into nature, for a soul-searching retreat, or to indulge in a romantic getaway?

Once you have decided where to go with your Chinese love, the next item on your to-do list is to find out how to best get there.  Of course, if you’re traveling outside mainland China, you will be doing it by air.  But if you’re just staying within the mainland, you may also have the option to take the train.  If you have the time to spare and the travel by train will be considerably long, getting to your destination can be an adventure all on its own!  Again, do research online and look for helpful tips to make your train trip as comfortable and fun as possible.

Where should you stay?  Find accommodations that are near public transport stations, as much as possible.  Even when you’re taking a cab back to your hotel/hostel/motel, the driver will always be familiar with the bus or train station nearby.

Before making a reservation, read online reviews about the place.  Both positive and negative feedback will be equally helpful; you’ll know what to expect and you can decide if the place is worth the cost.  If the hotel/hostel/motel does not allow online booking, you should make a list of names and addresses of places that you can check out and choose from once you get to your destination.  Most of the time, you will be out and about, anyway, so you can forego luxurious accommodations and settle for modest ones.

Before your trip, do one last research about the local places that you can visit and make a list.  You can then prepare an itinerary for you and your girlfriend, or you can just wing it, but at least you will have an idea of which places you want to go to.  Pack appropriately; bring extra copies of your passport; bring your own towels, just in case, as well as enough toilet paper to last your trip!  And don’t forget to take lots of pictures and have fun!  

Discover tons of great information about your Chinesegirlfriend, living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Don’t Get Run Over in China Before You Find Your Chinese Love

Even in China’s most urbanized areas, the distinct foreignness of the environment is often enjoyable enough for a visiting westerner: the constant chatter in a different language; the mixture of delicious aromas; the throngs of locals going about their daily lives; the incredible, modern architectures towering over everything.  But, western traveler, while enjoying the sights and sounds of China, don’t get too distracted or you might get run over before you even find your Chinese love!

Browse through forums and blogs of expats in China and you will find a lot of them complaining about how dangerous the streets, back alleys, and even sidewalks are for pedestrians.  In China, the pedestrians have no rights at all, and that’s not an exaggeration.  Well, okay, they do, supposedly; but traffic laws are rarely followed on China’s roads and pedestrians are practically invisible to drivers. 

Not trying to scare you or anything, but the Chinese represent only three percent of the world’s drivers and, at the same time, the country has one of the highest road fatality rates per capita!  Chinese drivers definitely live up to the stereotype about Asians being bad drivers!

The driving culture in China is still in its infancy stage and most Chinese drivers are still first-timers; that is, these private car owners “learned” how to drive only a few years ago when China’s economy started to really boom and many Chinese earned more than enough money to buy their own cars.  Imagine this: in as little as ten years, between 2000 and 2010, the number of privately owned cars in China increased from less than 10 million to a whopping 70 million. 

Add to this the fact that the Chinese do have a tendency to bend the rules or not follow them at all, and the fact that traffic enforcement is very slack, and the fact that most whiz through their “driving lessons” and get their license without being taught proper defensive driving, and the fact that driving “instructors” are inexperienced themselves, and you have an equation for road disasters!

If there’s only one thing you have to remember when walking the dangerous and congested streets of a Chinese city, it is this: even when you’re on a sidewalk or a pedestrian lane, and even when you’re crossing the road when the traffic light is red, you DO NOT have the right of way! At least not in the eyes of Chinese drivers, who will race to get through that crosswalk ahead of you.

Black, government cars are, of course, the lord of the roads; everybody gets out of the way when they’re coming.  But when they’re out of the picture, Chinese roads seem to follow the basic concept of bullying – that is, the bigger vehicles bully smaller ones out of their way!  That’s why a big part of the chaos on Chinese roads is the constant noise of blaring horns.  Indeed, the Chinese use their horns more than they use their brakes!

And it’s not just the trucks, buses, and cars that you have to watch out for when walking or crossing the streets; scooters and bicycles also barrel through pedestrians, even on sidewalks and coming from the wrong direction of one-way streets! 

As much as possible, always walk on and/or cross roads with a horde of other pedestrians, especially during peak hours of traffic.  The more people you have between you and oncoming traffic, the better!  At the same time, always be on alert, particularly when you’re crossing a busy intersection.  Cars won’t stop for you; heck, most won’t even stop on a red light!  Either walk very fast, or slow enough to avoid any vehicle that might appear out of nowhere.  You should also be quick enough to jump out of the way whenever necessary, which is often!

I read a tip posted by a foreigner about not making eye contact with Chinese drivers when crossing the street; apparently, if they think you didn’t see them, they MIGHT think twice about not running you over!  Well, you can test that theory at your own risk!  Just remember, your dream Chinese woman is still waiting for you around the corner, or across the street, so keep your wits about you when you’re braving China’s roads on your feet so you don’t get run over before you even realize your dream!

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on Chinese love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

A Chinese Woman’s Personal Problem

It is the same for every Chinese woman in China; when a mother starts telling her daughter to solve her “personal problem,” she is referring to her daughter’s single status.  Her singlehood starts to become a personal problem at age 25.  After all, a Chinese woman is supposed to already be married by the time she’s 27 and the entire process that leads up to that can be very long and hard these days.    

It is not just the fear of her daughter becoming shengnu (a leftover woman) that weighs down on a Chinese mother.  Her anxiety stems more from the fact that her daughter’s life is not going according to plan.  And she is used to life always being carefully planned and to following that plan to the letter.  She still comes from a time when life was more or less charted out and everybody did what was expected of them.    

It is not just the Chinese woman’s mother who feels seriously concerned about her personal problem; her grandmother, of course, is equally worried.  Her ayis, or aunts both by blood and from her mother’s social circle, also involve themselves one way or the other; so do her female cousins, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even the street sweeper.  Mostly, they try to play matchmaker, especially the ayis.  They also constantly give her advice about their ideas of what a good husband is and how she can successfully find one. 

Matchmaking is still alive and well in China.  Arranged marriages may have been made illegal decades ago, but the matchmaking business is thriving very well in China’s current marriage market atmosphere of tough competition and high demands.  In an effort to give her mother and grandmother some level of assurance, and to get the others to lay off somewhat with their constant nagging and questions, a Chinese woman explores numerous matchmaking options.

She tests the waters of online matchmaking sites; she tentatively attends matchmaking and speed dating events; she allows her well-intentioned ayis and friends to set her up on blind dates.  In other words, she lets everybody around her push her toward the direction that they all say she’s supposed to take and the destination she has to reach very soon. 

More than anything else, she wants to remain filial and to maker her mother and grandmother happy.  They sincerely want to see her settled down with a good husband and to know that she will have a secure future, which they also honestly believe she can only get by finding a suitable husband.  Of course, they also want to be able to experience the joys of being a grandmother and great-grandmother.  A Chinese woman genuinely wants to be able to give these joys to the most beloved women in her life. 

They all mean well; they are all only looking after her well-being.  They only want what’s best for her and they believe that marriage is what’s best for her.  Sadly, nobody bothers to ask her what she wants.  Of course, having a good husband and a family is also a Chinese woman’s desire.  So is love and time to find it. 

Being of the modern world, being educated and independently stable, a Chinese woman believes there is no need to rush into marriage and that doing so because still being single by age 27 is supposed to be a death sentence on her ability to find a mate is simply ridiculous.  She believes she should take the time to look for a good man that she can love and who will love her back, and to nurture a relationship that will provide a solid foundation for a happy and lasting marriage.  For a modern and more enlightened Chinese woman, being single in her late 20s is not a personal problem; it is a choice and a wise one at that. 

But her values and especially her high regard for filial piety also means she is not selfish and that her family’s happiness is important to her; seeing them happy also makes her happy.  So she continues to dive into the world of Chinese matchmaking online, to sign up for local matchmaking events and to go on dates that are arranged for her by well-meaning family and friends.  She continues to work on her personal problem.     

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of real Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Awkward Chinese Dating Moments: Which Way Should You Face On a Squat Toilet?

As if having to use a squat toilet isn’t inconvenient enough for most foreigners, not knowing which way to face also makes the experience very awkward.  Especially when it’s one’s desperate need to go that makes them realize that resistance to squatting is futile when it’s the only option available to them at the time, being confounded as to whether to face the door or the wall only adds to the aggravation.  When this happens while you’re Chinese dating, asking your date for “advice” may not be an option if you want to preserve the romantic atmosphere (or any respect she may now have for you). 

Whether you’re new to squatting or you simply haven’t gotten the hang of it yet, perhaps “learning” the very tricky art of squatting via a no-nonsense, straightforward instructional how-to can help get things going, in every sense of the phrase!  As WikiHow points out, “Sure, the explicitness of these instructions might make you a little uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as it'd be to ask someone how to use a squat toilet, or walk away from one with a mess on the floor and on your clothes.” (Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Squat-Toilet)

As for the question of which way you should face, it boils down to personal preference most of the time.  But there is a right way to face that helps minimize or prevents back spatter or, worse, making a mess. 

If you have ever used a Japanese-designed squat toilet, you would be familiar with the “dome” that can be found on one end of the bowl.  The “correct” position is facing this dome, which means your back is to the door.  Of course, most foreigners are accustomed to sitting on a toilet facing the door, so doing it the other way around may add to the discomfort.  However, this is the best position that provides the best “aim,” whether you’re emptying your bladder or your bowels.

Chinese squatty potties don’t have this dome or lip, but the Chinese also squat facing the wall.  This makes more sense when you encounter a squatter with a sloping bottom, wherein the hole is located on the deeper end.  If you are facing the “right” way, toward the wall, then you would be aiming your liquid or solid projectile directly into the hole.  But if you are facing the other direction, then you will be dumping your liquid/solid waste into the shallow end.  This is more likely to cause back spatter.

Additionally, squatters, unlike sitters, are often not filled with water.  So if you release your load into the shallow end, you might also end up “leaving a mark.”  Of course, if you’re simply voiding your bladder, then the only thing you will have to worry about is splashing pee all over yourself.   

While facing forward is more familiar and, therefore, more comfortable to you, it can cause you further discomfort and even embarrassment when you step out of the restroom with your pants wet, especially when you’re still not used to using a squatter.  And then, there’s also the embarrassment of leaving an unpleasant surprise for the next person who will use the potty.  When you’re on a date with a very special Chinese lady who may just be The One, you really do not want to find yourself in this kind of embarrassing situation! 

This very creative how-to should help make you feel more “capable” when confronted by a squatty potty!  Check out http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~AD8Y-HYS/movie.htm.  Remember, practice makes perfect!  If you’re staying in China for a prolonged period, you might as well get used to using a squatter properly.   

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of real Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Ever Wondered Why Your Chinese Girlfriend Only Drinks Hot Water?

In the west, a glass of cold/ice water is commonly served with a meal; in China, traditionally, the locals only drink hot water.  In the west, a hot beverage is often enjoyed only when the weather is cold, most of the time during breakfast, and/or after a meal; in China, it does not matter how high the temperature is, it’s almost always hot water or hot tea!  Does your girlfriend have the same habit? 

The exception seems to be the younger generation, most of whom are soda drinkers.  But even with many people in China having easy access to and being able to afford drinking only bottled water, the preference for hot water still persists.  The simplest explanation that the Chinese have for this habit is that hot water is good for your health.  Indeed, this belief is closely tied to traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), which often associates anything “cold” (air, food, drinks, etc.) with negative health effects.

It may help you better understand some of the Chinese “logic” behind drinking hot water by learning about what they think about westerners’ habit of drinking cold water.     

To many Chinese, westerners simply are not used to drinking hot water.  Others explain the “odd” habit more matter-of-factly when they say that drinking water directly from the tap is common and safe in the west, and so boiling water is unnecessary.  Some actually believe that westerners think hot water is only used for coffee and tea (well, they forgot to mention hot coco!), which also makes sense.  Many think that foreigners are just too impatient to wait for hot water to get cool enough to drink!  And then some reason that westerners prefer “raw,” or unboiled,” water because they also like to eat raw food, such as salads and steak.

It is true that in China, tap water is not safe to drink and people do have to always boil their water first to kill germs and prevent diseases.  This is how it has always been for the longest time in the Middle Kingdom.  The practice has simply persisted even after refrigeration became common in Chinese households and after drinking water has become the norm worldwide. 

Many Chinese still believe that drinking hot water is better for digestion, because cold water or any cold liquids solidify fats in the stomach and make digestion more difficult.  This is basic TCM/health knowledge that is passed down from one generation to the next in China.  Modern science, however, explains that it does not matter what temperature the food and drink we consume has; they quickly match our body’s internal temperature and it is the acids in the stomach that break down the food further to make it easier to digest.         

Whether or not you’ll adopt the habit is up to you, of course.  If you do develop a preference for hot water with your meals and you return to your home country, you should expect weird looks from your family and friends, as well as the waiter/waitress, when you request hot water.  If you can’t get used to it, fortunately, you can ask for bottled water when you eat out. 

It would be safest, too, if you avoided using ice while in China, even when eating at American fast food restaurants; you cannot be sure if the water used to make it is filtered/distilled/boiled.  But if you “have the stomach” for it, then go ahead and quench your thirst the western way!  

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

TCM For Better Health, Not Just Because Your Chinese Girlfriend Said So

Traditional Chinese Medicine, or TCM, is nearly as old as China itself.  There’s a reason it has withstood the tests of time and the rise of modern medicine; while many TCM concepts still don’t have a solid scientific foundation (mostly because science has only begun to explore them), actual positive results from their application, not only based on what historical records claim but also based on recent and current cases, prove that they are more than just old wives’ tales. 

You don’t have to subject yourself to any treatment that you’re not comfortable with; but there are plenty of TCM treatments and overall health maintenance concepts that you may find only slightly weird and a bit uncomfortable, and are interesting and popular enough that make them worth a try. 

If you’re willing to let a doctor point a laser at your eye, then having a TCM practitioner turn you into a human pin cushion should not seem so crazy!  While an eye doctor, of course, has a medical degree, TCM practitioners (the reputable ones) are also certified and have undergone years of training, much like MDs.

Acupuncture is used in TCM to treat pain and restore the balance of qi in the body.  In fact, modern medicine has already recognized the science behind the stimulation of the body’s nerves through the insertion of thin needles on key points all over the body, which then also stimulates blood flow and the release of the body’s natural painkillers.   

Or why not try cupping?  You will be sporting many bruises on your back afterward, but according to TCM, cupping draws toxins from the body, stimulates blood flow, and restores qi.  Cupping involves the placement of suction cups on the back and is believed to treat respiratory ailments, gastrointestinal disorders, arthritis, and physical tension. 

With the traditional cupping method, the inside of the cups are first set on fire by using a flammable substance.  But don’t worry; the cups are placed on the skin after the flame has died.  The cooling of the inside of the cup creates a vacuum which causes the suction effect.  More modern methods use silicone cups which can also be slid over the skin to create a massage-like effect. 

If you suffer from chronic pain, especially on your neck and/or back, you should give gua sha a try!  Medical research has actually discovered scientific evidence that supports the efficacy of this TCM treatment. 

The method involves the application of a lubricant, usually massage oil, on the area that needs to be treated.  A smooth-edged instrument is then used to make repeated strokes on the skin, which produces redness or bruises afterward.  These strokes actually increase blood circulation in the area and also stimulate the release of natural pain relievers in the body.  Many patients who have received gua sha treatment have reported significant relief from their pain.  

If you enjoy getting a massage and also love doing exciting activities, well you can actually combine the two!  TCM’s Chinese Knife Massage is actually more blood-pumping than it is calming, but the increased blood flow is what makes it an effective treatment for pain and other imbalances of the body. 

You can get a Chinese Knife Massage while lying on a bed or sitting on a chair.  The therapist rubs lotion or tiger balm on the neck and shoulders to promote relaxation, then a towel is placed over the body.  Two, stainless steel butcher knives are then used to pound along the body’s meridians, hard enough to release tension and energy and to promote better flow of the body’s qi, but not so hard as to break the skin. 

These are TCM remedies you can easily find practically anywhere in China.  Mostly, they promote overall well-being, so you don’t have to suffer from an illness to try them out.  If you do develop a cough or have an asthma attack, you can try natural medicines derived from carps; if you suffer from dysentery, boils, or nasal polyps, scarab beetles are often recommended. 

Surprise your Chinese girlfriend by asking her to accompany you when you go for cupping therapy or acupuncture.  She will definitely appreciate the fact that you’re immersing yourself in her culture through TCM.    

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.