Monday, 30 September 2013

Powerless Chinese Women

The empowered Chinese woman has been applauded in all forms of media in recent years, and she certainly deserves it. She has elevated the status of Chinese women in their society through her professional and financial successes. Unfortunately, she has also taken a lot of attention away from those women, particularly the ones in rural China, who remain powerless and are still frequently subjected to severely unfair and psychologically damaging treatment.

The diversion is not intentional, of course, but it is still a diversion just the same. The great opportunities and freedoms that many modern women of China now enjoy have made it possible for these women to take a big leap forward and up. But not all Chinese females are so lucky. There are still far more of them, mostly in China’s rural areas, that continue to suffer violations of women’s rights.

As fast as the modern daughters of China have made their mark in their society, and even the world, the elevation of their status is still not fast enough or big enough to reverse the trend of depression and other psychological problems among China’s greater female demographic. Indeed, the country still has the highest female suicide rate in the world, with an alarming 590 women committing suicide every day.

One of the longest-standing, cruelest, and most harmful women’s right violations that remain to this day in China is the government-sanctioned forced abortions that are enforced as part of the strict implementation of the country’s One-Child Policy.

Women’s Rights Without Frontiers president, Reggie Littlejohn, said in an online article published by the Catholic News Agency ( that one of the most damaging effects of the one-child policy on Chinese women is the enforcement of abortion “…. up to the ninth month of pregnancy.” She added that, “It is also enforced through forced sterilization and coercive birth control.”

Social media has made it possible for the heartbreaking and terrible stories of numerous women who have suffered forced abortions to be heard. Additionally, given that Chinese families traditionally prefer sons over daughters, the country’s one-child policy has resulted in the selective abortions of female babies – which can be seen as one of the most atrocious forms of gender bias. Indeed women’s rights are commonly violated in China even before they are born.

Such traumatic experiences naturally do a lot of damage to the mental health of these Chinese women. Many of the forced abortion procedures also often lead to other long-term health complications; some have even led to death.

The violation does not end with the taking away of a woman’s rights over her own body; many more violations of women’s rights have arisen from the One-Child Policy’s enforcement of these abortions. More specifically, the sex-selective abortions have resulted in an extremely skewed sex ratio in China; it is estimated that there will be 37 million more men than women in China within the next decade or so. The current imbalance between gender populations have already led to an increase in the trafficking of women in Asia.

Women empowerment in China is a great thing; it’s a great step toward gender equality for all Chinese women. Instead of diverting attention away from the tragic plight of many other women of China, the phenomenon that is the empowered, successful, and independent Chinese woman should put into starker contrast the continued oppression of her fellow women.

This is just one of the many issues that modern Chinese women face nowadays. A foreign man looking at China women to find a life partner or wife would do well to learn as much as he can about relevant issues, such as this, that affect today’s Chinese woman. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and women of China share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Friday, 27 September 2013

Modern Chinese Women’s Marriage Standards

Increased financial capabilities have not only changed the women of China’s role as daughters, but also their roles as wives and members of their society. Alongside these changes, Chinese women’s marriage standards have also shifted.

It was bound to happen sooner or later – men’s marriage expectations from women have also finally caught up to China’s changing economic climate. Indeed, more men nowadays are not only okay with their wives also earning a lot of money for the family; they actually expect it. However, the majority of Chinese men still prefer that their wives not earn more money than they do.

With the cost of living in the country continuing its upward trend, two-income families – that is, households wherein both the husband and wife are breadwinners – have become the ideal.

Chinese women’s increased earning potential has naturally made them set higher income requirements from their future partners. But even this trend has also started to change, as a growing number of women are becoming more realistic with their expectations, being aware, themselves, of the financial challenges of starting a family nowadays.

While there are still many Chinese women who choose their mate based on how much he earns and if he owns or can afford to buy a house (mostly because these women’s incomes are not high enough to give them security), there are also a lot of working women who are more concerned about their partner having a stable job that can help make the family income more secure, rather than how much his income is.

According to the 2012-13 Annual Report on Social Mentality in China, published earlier this year by the Social Sciences Academic Press: (Source:

• Forty-four percent of the women that responded to the survey said their husbands should earn more than they do; this number is more or less consistent with the current marriage standards of Chinese women.

In comparison, the number of men who said they expect their wife to earn as much as they do increased between 2005 and 2010, from 18.3 percent to 25.7 percent.

In recent years, the acceptable age gap between husband and wife has also narrowed. The average age difference that was acceptable to women in 2005 was between 4.14 and 12.58 years; this narrowed down to between 1.1 and 8.47 years in 2010.

A report released earlier this year by online dating site,, revealed that 98 percent of Chinese women said they would not require their husband to give them their salary; 39 percent said they do not want to become housewives after getting married.

It can only be for their good that more modern Chinese women are now changing their attitudes when it comes to mate selection. Having more realistic expectations coupled with romantic desires and increased self-awareness certainly make them better equipped to handle a modern wife’s obligations; perhaps more importantly, they are also much better suited now to be the other half in a cross-cultural marriage.

For foreign men who are actively engaged in the Chinese dating scene and are hoping to marry the Chinese woman of their dreams someday, the changing relationship and marriage trends among Chinese women signal greater chances of success for a cross-cultural marriage. With so many other difficulties that cross-cultural couples have to face, being able to check off the list the financial aspects can definitely make married and family life much, much easier.

Foreign men dreaming of having a Chinese wife can learn more about dating and marrying Chinese women, and about the issues, both past and present, that continue to mold them, on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

The Chinese Dating Market and China’s Culture of Scrambling

More and more women of China are taking it easy on the husband hunting, but there are still a lot more who are scrambling to get married. This is why the Chinese dating market is still booming. Public parks and dating events congested with singles and parents of singles searching for a potential mate are just another demonstration of China’s culture of scrambling.

The Chinese scramble for almost anything like there’s no tomorrow. They scramble for train tickets, especially during national holidays; they scramble to get on a bus or train; they scramble for food at supermarkets when there are rumors of shortages of certain goods or when a catastrophe just has occurred.

Certainly, some of their scrambling behaviors are justified. If they don’t push their way through the long “lines” at the bus or train station, they may not be able to go home for the holiday considering the huge number of people traveling during such periods. During rush hour, commuters outnumber public transport and scrambling becomes a necessity if they want to get home as soon as possible. Scrambling for and hoarding food are understandable when there are emergencies that threaten the food supply. These, and other factors from the past, have all contributed to create and foster China’s culture of scrambling. Because even when there is no real need to hurry, it has simply become the natural tendency of the Chinese to race, swarm, push, and jostle. It seems that all it takes is for them to see a line forming somewhere, or a small group of Chinese interested in something to trigger their scrambling instinct.

Even the rich scramble for luxury goods because, well, if they don’t, then they will lose face! Given the current state of the real estate market, being slower than the next person often means losing out on a chance to get a relatively affordable and decent house.

This culture of scrambling is mostly brought about by the people’s need for a sense of security. Scrambling is taking action, and taking action ensures that they will get what they need and/or want. Of course, they can always take the laid-back route and not rush to get something; but they are always threatened by the possibility that there may be nothing left for them if they waited. This is what their history has taught them.

The same reasoning can be applied to today’s Chinese dating trends. Marriage is still seen as a means of having future security, especially by parents. This is one of the biggest reasons why they pressure their children to get married soon after they graduate from college. The longer their kids, especially the daughters, remain single, the more they worry about their future, and the more pressure they put on these bachelors and bachelorettes; at the same time, they also feel more pressured to take action themselves.

It may seem that a potential husband for their daughter should not be something that parents should be scrambling for, especially when the daughter is only in her late 20s or early to mid-30s. But for a Chinese woman to still be unmarried at this age is considered “not normal;” people, even her own parents, start to think that there must be something wrong with her. Even the most confident, independent, and successful woman of China can be negatively affected by such kinds of judgment, even more so when it comes from her own parents. And so she joins the scramble for a husband on the Chinese dating market.

While a foreign man, whether new or an old-timer in the Chinese dating scene, seriously seeking his ideal Chinese wife may think that this is not the right attitude for a Chinese lady to have when searching for a life mate, he must always remember that a modern Chinese woman’s choices are not always easy. Additionally, he must not be too quick to question her motivations. This is where having an understanding of both China’s culture and the current issues that the women of China face becomes invaluable.

Foreign men dreaming of having a Chinese wife can learn more about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, Chinese customs, and life in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Dealing with the Curiosity of the Chinese While Chinese Dating

If you are a Western man into Chinese dating, and especially if you have traveled to China or been living there, you must already be aware of the infamous curiosity of the Chinese when they come into contact with foreigners. Some find it amusing; others find it impolite and annoying. Over time, foreigners realize that it is “one of those Chinese things” that come with life in China, especially when dating Chinese women.

“How old are you?” “Are you married?” “What are you doing in China?” “What kind of work do you do?” “How much do you make?” Certainly, to those who are not Chinese, these questions are very personal and even nosy. After being asked (very persistently, too) the same questions by practically every new Chinese person they meet, the experience soon becomes quite monotonous and they develop a standard strategy of dealing with the line of questioning, as well as a nonchalant attitude toward this Chinese pattern of curiosity.

For guys with a Chinese girlfriend or wife, if they don’t achieve a nonchalant attitude, and let it get to them, it is bound to create a huge rift in their relationship, because their obvious peevishness is going to make them and their Chinese love look bad in the eyes of her friends and family, aka “losing face”. Their Chinese dating experience is going to hit a big bump.

Since China has opened itself up to the rest of the world, increased interactions with foreigners have made the country more aware of the need to improve their people’s sensitivity to other cultures, whether they are abroad or at home. In fact, before the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, the government released a “Courtesy Guide Relating to How We Should Engage in Conversation with Foreign Friends And Not Invade Personal Privacy or Offend Taboos.”

The guidelines were aptly called the “Eight Don’t Asks Courtesy Notice,” and were published by the media and also posted in public places all over Beijing during that period. This is what the notice said:

Citizens, please be mindful that in your exchanges with Foreign Friends during the Olympic period that you:

Should not ask about a person’s income or the way they spend their money; Should not ask people their age; Should not ask people about their ‘love lives’ or marital status; Should not ask about people’s health; Should not inquire after a person’s residential address; Should not inquire about an individual’s personal history; Should not ask people about their religion or politics; and, Should not ask a person about their profession.

Fast forward to today, and most Chinese still subject foreigners to questions that are a normal part of conversation among the Chinese and which they honestly do not find inappropriate, but which most foreigners consider very intrusive. This is true even in cities where there is a huge foreign population, as well as in areas that are not as popular to laowais.

While, to a foreign man, such inquisitiveness may seem insensitive and he may feel that his privacy is being invaded, he must remember that as the guest in China, he has the greater responsibility of adjusting to the other person’s culture.

It is true that the Chinese have a lot to learn about “acceptable” and “unacceptable” social behavior, as international or western standards define these terms, but when there is no ill intention on the Chinese’s part, a foreigner must not react with disrespect. Any form of “ignorance” does not excuse bad behavior from either one, after all.

As a foreign man who is Chinese dating, especially when you have serious intentions of finding a Chinese wife, you do have to learn to adjust to such “curious” behaviors. You must have an open-mind and have the patience to indulge certain culturally-influenced conducts and attitudes. These traits are important if you ever hope to have a successful cross-cultural relationship with a Chinese woman.

Chinese dating and cross-cultural relationships present unique challenges, but they can also be very rewarding and, for many foreign men, they take them closer to the realization of their dream of finding a Chinese wife. One can find invaluable information about these and all things Chinese on the blogs, forums, and magazine of, the home of trusted Chinese online dating.

Monday, 23 September 2013

The Perfect Chinese Woman as Chinese Society Defines It

World-renowned designer, Diane von Furstenberg, once told The Wall Street Journal in an interview that “It is great to design for Chinese women, because they have great bodies. They are slim and have tiny waists, so it’s nice.” This is the stereotype of the perfect Chinese woman that most Chinese women all over the world strive to live up to and judge themselves by.

Body image issues are not unique to Chinese women, of course. The pressure for women to be thin, in particular, seems to be a universal constant for most modern societies. In China, and in many Asian cultures in fact, the pressure mostly comes from the fact that Chinese (Asian) women are genetically gifted with slim bodies. “Slim,” however, is a relative term.

What westerners consider “slim,” the Chinese may already consider “fat.” Even what is considered “normal” or “healthy” weight is often seen as less than ideal. Indeed, the Chinese are known for being very vocal when it comes to a person’s weight, as well as other physical attributes. Foreigners visiting or living in China actually also regularly receive comments about their weight from Chinese people (neighbors, co-workers, friends, and even strangers); and when it comes to family members, they can be even more critical. Body-shaming is the norm.

Just as the Chinese are obsessed about the concept of harmony in the form of yin and yang, so are they obsessed with excellence and perfection; the latter is inextricably tied with the Chinese concept of face. This attitude is part of their culture. For a Chinese woman, perfection means not only being an excellent student and, eventually, a successful career woman; it also means being physically perfect, and a big part of this is having a thin body.

It does not help that when Chinese women are portrayed in magazines, on billboards, on TV, and in movies, whether locally or abroad, they are always thin. In comparison, western women are portrayed in their various shapes and sizes (although the idea that thin is beautiful is still widely promoted). So many women of China whose particular body types do not fit into the advertised and often airbrushed images of Chinese models, they feel frustrated and insecure.

They have Chinese genes and, so, they should be naturally thin. If a Chinese woman is of a certain height, then she should only be of a certain weight. In addition to their obsession to have porcelain, white skin and western facial features, the women of China also feel the need to make themselves literally fit into the slim mold that their society has created for them.

What happens if they don’t? Aside from constantly being reminded of their so-called imperfections by their parents, relatives, and friends, they also face discrimination in the workplace. Because even in today’s modern China where women already enjoy a certain degree of empowerment, discrimination and unfair standards still exist.

In fact, it is common for some job ads to list specific height and weight requirements for female applicants; some even require specific body proportions. And it is widely accepted in Chinese society that “beautiful” Chinese women have better chances of getting ahead in life than those who do not meet the Chinese standards of beauty and perfection.

A foreign man dating a Chinese woman should not be surprised and turned off if she has certain body image issues. Certainly, he must not be too quick to judge her as being a shallow person, much like many western women that he had dated in the past. The reality for many of these Chinese ladies is not always so simple. Most of their issues, even those that seem superficial, are often closely tied to their society’s traditional attitudes and beliefs.

A Chinese woman who strongly feels that she can never be thin enough, beautiful enough, or perfect enough to satisfy her family and society does not need more judgment from a foreign man, especially when she is seriously looking for a man she can trust and spend the rest of her life with. Change has to start from the inside and having a foreign man with different attitudes and beliefs to support, appreciate, and love her for who she is can certainly help ignite the change in mindset that she needs to make.

A foreign man looking for a perfect Chinese woman would do well to learn as much as he can about the relevant issues affecting today’s Chinese woman. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Friday, 20 September 2013

Chinese Women, Chastity, and Tangible Benefits

Traditional Chinese beliefs continue to place a high value on the chastity of Chinese women.  At the same time, premarital sex is now common among the current and younger generations of Chinese, especially those in the urban areas; but while it is widely practiced, it is not widely talked about.  It is the Chinese version of “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” their parents, that is. 

A foreign man dating Chinese women to find his dream Chinese wife will most likely meet many who are no longer virgins but are, all the same, very timid when it comes to any form of intimacy.  If he has been Chinese dating long enough, he may even meet a few who are still virgins despite the fact that they are already in their late twenties to their thirties. 

This should not be a surprise in a society where many single women in their 20s and 30s looking for a husband do not have any dating experience at all, and have never been in a single relationship. 

To a great degree, keeping one’s chastity is about being a virtuous, Chinese woman; to a lesser, but still important, degree, it is also about having a higher value, particularly as a wife.  Indeed, many Chinese mothers drill this lesson into their daughters heads, from childhood until they finally find a good man to marry.

They are taught that being chaste will increase their chances of landing a good husband.  Every chance they get, mothers remind their daughters that having sex before marriage is a stupid move and that girls who engage in premarital sex are stupid girls.  There is a lot to be gained for remaining chaste, and a lot more that one can lose by being unchaste.  

If a Chinese woman wants to marry into a good family, then she must stay very competitive by keeping her chastity, especially in today’s very tough marriage market.  With Chinese wives being a highly-in-demand commodity and many ladies of China having impressive qualifications, still having one’s virginity will increase her value and make her more desirable. 

For women of China who are still single in their late 20s, and especially those in their 30s, their desirability as a life partner is considerably lowered and competing with much younger females often make it extremely difficult for them to find a suitable mate.  Being a virgin, however, may just get them noticed and give them the competitive edge they desperately need.    

In many traditional societies, not just China, a woman can gain and lose respect based solely on whether or not she is still a virgin.  Considering how far Chinese women have come – from being subservient daughters, wives, and daughters-in-law to being self-made and independent career women – it is ironic that such old-fashioned attitudes about a woman’s worth still persist.

Many modern, single, Chinese women no longer subscribe to this belief.  This does not mean, however, that they are also promiscuous.  Whether or not they are open about their more liberated views about sex to their mothers is different question altogether; but they have come to realize that their sense of worth, as a person and a future wife to a deserving and decent man, goes far beyond chastity. 

Some foreign men may find unmarried, twenty- or thirty-something Chinese women who are still virgins admirable; others may recognize the challenges of being in a relationship with women who have very limited relationship experience, if at all, and choose to write them off as potential partners.  It would help to know, though, if remaining chaste was the woman’s personal choice or if it was the result of their personal circumstances.  Knowing can help a foreign man figure out if there might still be a possibility for a meeting of their hearts and minds. 

Pursuing Chinese women, with the honest intention of finding one’s ideal Chinese wife, can be a great challenge, indeed, for any foreign man; learning as much as he can about them can make the challenges of cross-cultural dating and relationships easier to deal with.  Reputable Chinese dating sites, such as, offer invaluable information, tips, and advice on all things related to Chinese women, society, and culture. 


Saturday, 14 September 2013

Chinese Dating in Modern Times

The age-old tradition of matchmaking in China has not died; it has only evolved with the times.  These days, parents advertise their unwed and overworked children’s qualifications in literal marriage markets, usually held in parks all over the country.  But Chinese singles, themselves, are not so helpless; many are actively engaged in Chinese dating online.     

While marriage markets are keeping China’s matchmaking tradition alive and well, Chinese dating online has quickly become a hugely thriving marriage market in its own right.  In fact, it has become such a profitable trend, not only for the Chinese dating sites but also for “shoppers” or seekers of mates, that Analysis International predicts it to rake in 2 billion yuan in annual revenue by 2014. (Source:

Online dating, which originated in the west, in many ways is a much more casual and unconstrained style of western dating.  So it is a bit surprising that the industry has taken off with such success in a society which is still largely traditional, especially when it comes to relationships and marriage. 

Another surprising development is how the Chinese have re-shaped the online dating scene to suit their needs and even fit into their custom of finding a mate, instead of allowing this very modern trend to change their values and attitudes toward dating and relationships.  Indeed, leading and legitimate Chinese online dating sites promote themselves as marriage websites, where singles have excellent opportunities to meet potential lifetime partners, not casual encounters.

The majority of Chinese singles that use Chinese dating sites to find their mate, whether also Chinese or foreign, still follow traditional practices and use traditional standards.  Certainly, many are also putting emphasis on finding love and Mister/Miss Right, but they continue to uphold Confucian values when choosing a potential partner.

For example, many still place a lot of importance on a potential match’s education level, economic status, age, height, family background, and hukou.  Those with hukous, or residency permits in a top-tier city are considered more desirable than others.  Single Chinese women prefer men with equal or higher educational and economic standing, while the men prefer women with lesser qualifications.  These are the same qualifications that are sought out by “shoppers” in marriage markets held in public parks, and that have been used to measure a person’s suitability as a partner throughout most of China’s history.

It has been pointed out that China’s high rates of urban migration have significantly contributed to the Chinese online dating industry boom.  As more Chinese seek out better economic opportunities in the cities, they also effectively cut off their ties to their traditional social networks back home and effectively isolate themselves.  The demands of life and work in the cities also extremely limit their chances to create new social networks and, thus, their opportunities to meet potential mates. 

The online dating industry has given them very convenient tools to overcome the obstacles to dating that a migrant worker lifestyle inevitably brings.

Additionally, the popularity of online dating to Chinese singles has opened up doors for foreign “players” (in the best sense of the word) to join the Chinese dating scene and for Chinese women, in particular, to cast their nets wider.

Indeed, Chinese online dating has paved the way for countless, happy, cross-cultural relationships and marriages.  While foreign seekers of Chinese partners bring with them their western attitudes toward love and relationships, Chinese seekers continue to uphold their traditional values.  At the outset, the whole scenario may seem to be set up for failure; but, surprisingly, it has been shown to work many, many times, as proven by the numerous cross-cultural couples that now live happy, married lives. 

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, Chinese customs, and life in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Chinese Women are Being Hit by Depression

With the stresses, pressures, and high expectations that Chinese women have to deal with on a daily basis, it is not surprising that more and more of them are becoming susceptible to depression.  Stories of single Chinese women relocating from their hometown to the city, finding themselves with poor job prospects and having no family or friends to support them, and eventually becoming debilitated by clinical depression are becoming common in today’s China.

Better education and job opportunities can be found, of course, in the cities.  When the government became more lax with local migration – from the rural to the urban areas – and made good quality education and stable work easily available to the rural population and Chinese women, in particular, the greatest human migration in history began, and it’s still ongoing. 

As the growth of China’s economy eventually plateaued and then slowed down, as the number of Chinese women graduating from colleges and universities and looking for jobs increased, and as the cost of living in the cities increased, making a living has become more and more difficult.  Indeed, unemployment in China has been steadily rising. 

Those with stable jobs still find it very difficult to make ends meet, especially when a huge chunk of their monthly salary goes to rent.  They barely have enough left for their basic needs, to send money to their parents, and most are unable to save for the future. 

It’s a popular belief that because depression is associated with stress and women often live a low-stress life, they are less prone to depression.  The circumstances that the women of China find themselves in nowadays, however, make them very vulnerable to this illness. 

In Hong Kong, for instance, a survey revealed that 1.98 million people, or 35 percent of the population, are depressed; a huge fraction of this are young, Chinese women and homemakers.  In the mainland, the high rates of suicide among Chinese women also point to the same problem: depression.   

Most young Chinese women spent their childhood living with the constant pressure of proving their worth to their parents, many of whom still would have preferred a son rather than a daughter.  Being the only child, they were expected to excel in everything they did, mostly to ensure their and their parents’ financial security in the future. 

While some were expected to excel academically so that their “dating/marriage resume” would look great and they would be able to land a good husband soon after they graduated, others felt the pressure of finding a stable and well-paying job after graduation so they could start providing for their parents and saving for the future. 

At the same time, these Chinese women are still constantly pressured by tradition to find a good partner to marry and to start a family.  Conflicting and high expectations, financial difficulties, work-related stresses or the inability to find a good job, and filial obligations all combine to create a mental state that makes these women highly susceptible to clinical depression.

On top of all these stressors, women of China still suffer from gender discrimination, especially in the work place.  A woman’s natural predisposition to hormonal fluctuations also contributes to her vulnerability to this psychological disorder.

Full-time wives/homemakers also often live unhappy and unfulfilled lives, especially with Chinese husbands’ tendencies to stray and be neglectful.  Chinese homemakers devote their entire lives to taking care of their family; but nobody really takes care of them.  They have little time for themselves, and much less to socialize. 

Marrying foreign men can actually make things turn around for Chinese women, not because they can rely on foreign husbands to give them a comfortable life; but because these men are more supportive, considerate, and caring partners. 

Of course, being in a healthy relationship with the right person is not a panacea to the trend of depression that is debilitating many Chinese women; they have to learn to adapt more effectively to the stresses they are exposed to.  They have to develop the will and the strength to keep forging ahead despite the obstacles.  But a loving partner by their side will certainly make a huge difference.   

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women, having a Chinese wife, and Chinese dating and relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Chinese Love is Practical Love

Romance has rarely played a prominent role in most Chinese relationships and marriages; Chinese traditions place a higher value on practical considerations.  Nowadays, while romance has taken a more significant place in young relationships, the modern realities that China’s singles and couples have to face still leave them with little choice but to be favor practicality over romance. 

Many fresh graduates, for example, often find themselves facing the very real possibility of returning to their hometown and ending their relationship if they fail to find a job in the same city as their love.  Those who manage to do so soon realize that the demands of their job leave them with no time to sustain their relationship.  High cost of living and inadequate salaries also make keeping the romance alive impossible. 

For singles, Chinese dating is both a challenge and an obligation.  Their lack of experience, their filial obligations, their career, and their own basic needs only make the pressure to find a good partner as soon as possible more difficult to bear.  Their desire for romance, and even love, are continue to be outweighed by realities and traditions. 

Owning a house before marriage is still a requirement that most Chinese women expect their future husband to meet.  Given the skyrocketing prices of real estate in China’s most urbanized regions, this marriage requirement has more to do with ensuring the family’s future, rather than a woman’s greed or materialistic tendencies.  Once again, romance takes a back seat as traditional marriage customs and current economic conditions influence one’s dating and relationship options and decisions.

Even working and financially stable Chinese women often cannot afford to choose romantic love over practical love.  Aside from the demands of their career and their career goals, their age makes Chinese dating and finding love, romance, and a good partner extremely difficult. 

When they made the choice to establish a stable career and to become financially secure instead of jumping into marriage soon after graduating from college/university, they knew that when they are finally ready to get married, their optimal marriageable years will already be behind them and that most Chinese men their age or older will either already be married or prefer younger women.

A foreign man with serious intentions of finding a Chinese wife and, perhaps, even making a new life in China has to understand how most Chinese women view dating, relationships, and marriage.  Undoubtedly, today’s women of China do not just care about practical considerations, but also nurture romantic notions.  The environment they are in, however, effectively discourages any romantic hopes they may have as it encourages them to be more realistic about their dating, relationship, and marriage prospects.

This does not mean that love and romance cannot fit into the Chinese relationship equation.  Chinese women, and foreign men who seek them out, simply have to be patient and ready to make huge changes in their life and beliefs, as well as to make difficult compromises and even sacrifices. 

From a practical point of view, being in a relationship with a foreign man is actually more ideal for a Chinese woman, whether or not she’s a driven career woman or one who wants to devote all her time as a wife.  Realistically speaking, many foreign men do have better economic status and can provide a better future for his family. 

From a romantic point of view, a relationship/marriage with a foreign man means that a Chinese woman can realize the romantic notions which were actually influenced by her exposure to western culture.  Compared to Chinese men, foreign men are more romantically inclined and have the benefit of valuable dating and relationship experiences. 

Practical Chinese love does not have to be completely unromantic.  There are many, small ways to create and sustain romance in a relationship while also remaining realistic.  The Chinese are simply not always equipped with adequate and proper dating and relationship experiences and the social skills to help them navigate the path toward a happy, love-filled, romantic and secure marriage life.

But those Chinese wives who are seeking a more loving and caring relationship than is the Chinese custom will almost always make great students in learning the art of romance if their Western husband has the patience to slowly bring out the best in them.   These lucky men will find themselves with the best wife a man could hope for, a romantic loving Chinese wife.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese love, Chinese women, having a Chinese wife, and Chinese dating and relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.