Many foreign men who desire a Chinese wife initially and mostly develop their attraction to this cultural group of women from images of them being depicted in the traditional sense – typically images that show them contentedly looking after their husband’s every need at home.
While these foreign men may not really be aware that Chinese women are more multi-dimensional and have more layers to them which make them very ideal mates than are often acknowledged and lauded, their initial desire for a Chinese wife is still largely founded on an honest need for a deeper connection with another person.
Aside from simply liking the “Chinese look,” most foreign men desire a Chinese mate because they perceive them to have a caring nature. Indeed, these men are simply looking to feel cared for, not in the sense that they only want someone submissive enough to attend to their every need; but in the sense that they want a partner who has the capacity to care about their well-being.
For these men, this capacity for caring is what has become lacking in many western/westernized women. While they may not see the complete picture of what a true Chinese woman really is, they have, at least, captured some of the essence that makes her an ideal life partner.
Take, for example, the story of Steven from California and Sandy from China. The couple is featured in a PBS documentary, titled “Seeking Asian Female” and directed by Debbie Lum.
In one interview prior to meeting Sandy online and marrying her, Steven demonstrated the typical “enchantment” that many foreign men experience over their incomplete notions about Asian/Chinese women. "There's this Vietnamese movie called The Scent of Green Papaya that's got this idyllic servant girl who cooks these beautiful meals. And you think 'gee, would it be like that?" (Source: http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/05/the-poignant-unexpected-marriage-lessons-in-i-seeking-asian-female-i/276265/).
After meeting Sandy online and deciding to fly her to the U.S. to marry, Steven expressed his excitement over the fact that “She looks so Chinese!”
As Steven and, in fact, many other foreign men who are lucky enough to fulfill their dream of having a Chinese wife soon realize, Chinese women have a lot more to offer and a lot more admirable traits than just being caring partners.
Sandy, as the documentary reveals, worked her way up in a factory, from working on the floor to working in the office, and managed to buy her parents a house. Upon arriving in the U.S., she got busy learning English and turning the house she shared with her new husband into a real home. She also expressed her plans to attend college and her goal of becoming a nurse.
So it seems that Steven got the entire “package” he has always dreamed of, and more. And he realizes how good he has it, how lucky he is to have a wife who worries about whether or not he has already eaten and if he has been getting enough sleep. To show his wife how much he appreciates and loves her after one of their fights, Steven did the housework himself.
Indeed, most successful stories of marriage between foreign men and Chinese women have the same elements of true and mutual caring, respect, appreciation, and love. No matter how little or how much the foreign man knew about Chinese women when he first started on his quest for a wife, no matter what his initial expectations were, he eventually learns that there is more to being happy in a marriage than just having someone take care of him; it’s also about having someone he can truly care for himself.
Foreign men who desire a Chinese wife do not always have a complete or, sometimes, not even an adequate understanding of Chinese women; but their honest intentions, interest, and admiration for these women, combined with their sincere desire for a healthy marriage, often more than make up for their lack of understanding and serve as an effective compass that guides them toward making their marriage a happy and fulfilling one.
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