Middle-aged foreign men who want to woo a Chinese woman and go about searching for a Chinese wife through online Chinese dating often meet three different sets of women seeking a foreign husband: twenty-something ladies who want to get married before they reach 30; thirty-something, career-oriented, and financially independent women who are either ready to settle down or are pressured into settling down; and divorced women in their 30s, 40s, or 50s who are also under pressure to find another husband.
Which ones should middle-aged men woo? With whom would they have a better chance of forming a connection? Are there certain Chinese women they should not even bother reaching out to?
In the west, only middle-aged men like George Clooney and Gerard Butler can still land twenty-something ladies. In China, many twenty-something women who are still single are more open to being with “older” men, but even they have a maximum age limit. Most of these women will most likely not consider foreign men who are more than a decade older as potential husbands.
And those who will are going to be Chinese girls who are less educated, and come from less economically advanced families and locations, so you have to at least wonder about their motivations. Are they seeking a great husband or a great boost to the families financial situation.
In the west, thirty-something independent, single women with stable or successful careers command admiration and respect. In fact, they are still considered highly desirable partners. Given their experience and maturity, they are actually seen as more suitable as life mates than the twenty-somethings.
In China, these women find it difficult to find a partner for several reasons. First is their age; being single in their thirties is frowned upon in Chinese society. There must be something wrong with them, that’s why they have not found a husband. It does not matter much that they only chose to delay marriage so they can pursue higher education and their career goals first.
Second is their higher qualifications, i.e. high educational achievements and career and financial success. This means that their standards for a suitable mate are also higher, and nowadays, the discrepancies in social and economic status among males in China continue to grow wider. This means that there are fewer men who can equal or exceed these women’s own qualifications. Additionally, men who do have equal or higher qualifications prefer mates with lower qualifications than them.
Given their independence and financially stability, however, these women can also afford to take their time choosing a suitable mate. They also realize that they can do better than the traditional Chinese men in their society. For this reason, they seek out foreign men. For these women, a considerable age gap between them and their partner is not that big a deal, although most still have an upper limit, mostly because they still want to raise a family and spend many more decades with their mate.But compared to the twenty-somethings, their upper age limit is higher.
If the single thirty-somethings are already frowned upon, the divorcees are practically shunned. They are considered spoiled goods by most men in their society. Many of these women are also financially independent and have stable jobs; others are often left with nothing to their name after getting divorced.
Much like the thirty-something singles and because they have already gone through a failed marriage with a Chinese man, these women are also less likely to compromise their desires in a suitable mate. That is why they chose to divorce their husbands in the first place; they did not want to tolerate unfaithfulness and unfair treatment. So these women realize that there are better partners out there to be found among foreign men.
For these women, an age gap of 20 years or more between them and their foreign partner is acceptable. It’s not because they are desperate; it’s just because they are mature enough to also realize that they will have much more in common with middle-aged men, as well as with men who are already in the prime of their years. They are aware that it is these men who can offer them what they are looking for in an ideal husband.
Middle-aged men wanting to woo Chinese women to make them their wife must also remember one other thing. Whatever their age, Chinese women desire a man who is responsible, stable, mature, respectful, and faithful. As long as a man has these traits, he stands a very good chance of winning the heart of a Chinese woman; their age differences may not necessarily be a deal-breaker.
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