Friday, 20 September 2013

Chinese Women, Chastity, and Tangible Benefits

Traditional Chinese beliefs continue to place a high value on the chastity of Chinese women.  At the same time, premarital sex is now common among the current and younger generations of Chinese, especially those in the urban areas; but while it is widely practiced, it is not widely talked about.  It is the Chinese version of “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” their parents, that is. 

A foreign man dating Chinese women to find his dream Chinese wife will most likely meet many who are no longer virgins but are, all the same, very timid when it comes to any form of intimacy.  If he has been Chinese dating long enough, he may even meet a few who are still virgins despite the fact that they are already in their late twenties to their thirties. 

This should not be a surprise in a society where many single women in their 20s and 30s looking for a husband do not have any dating experience at all, and have never been in a single relationship. 

To a great degree, keeping one’s chastity is about being a virtuous, Chinese woman; to a lesser, but still important, degree, it is also about having a higher value, particularly as a wife.  Indeed, many Chinese mothers drill this lesson into their daughters heads, from childhood until they finally find a good man to marry.

They are taught that being chaste will increase their chances of landing a good husband.  Every chance they get, mothers remind their daughters that having sex before marriage is a stupid move and that girls who engage in premarital sex are stupid girls.  There is a lot to be gained for remaining chaste, and a lot more that one can lose by being unchaste.  

If a Chinese woman wants to marry into a good family, then she must stay very competitive by keeping her chastity, especially in today’s very tough marriage market.  With Chinese wives being a highly-in-demand commodity and many ladies of China having impressive qualifications, still having one’s virginity will increase her value and make her more desirable. 

For women of China who are still single in their late 20s, and especially those in their 30s, their desirability as a life partner is considerably lowered and competing with much younger females often make it extremely difficult for them to find a suitable mate.  Being a virgin, however, may just get them noticed and give them the competitive edge they desperately need.    

In many traditional societies, not just China, a woman can gain and lose respect based solely on whether or not she is still a virgin.  Considering how far Chinese women have come – from being subservient daughters, wives, and daughters-in-law to being self-made and independent career women – it is ironic that such old-fashioned attitudes about a woman’s worth still persist.

Many modern, single, Chinese women no longer subscribe to this belief.  This does not mean, however, that they are also promiscuous.  Whether or not they are open about their more liberated views about sex to their mothers is different question altogether; but they have come to realize that their sense of worth, as a person and a future wife to a deserving and decent man, goes far beyond chastity. 

Some foreign men may find unmarried, twenty- or thirty-something Chinese women who are still virgins admirable; others may recognize the challenges of being in a relationship with women who have very limited relationship experience, if at all, and choose to write them off as potential partners.  It would help to know, though, if remaining chaste was the woman’s personal choice or if it was the result of their personal circumstances.  Knowing can help a foreign man figure out if there might still be a possibility for a meeting of their hearts and minds. 

Pursuing Chinese women, with the honest intention of finding one’s ideal Chinese wife, can be a great challenge, indeed, for any foreign man; learning as much as he can about them can make the challenges of cross-cultural dating and relationships easier to deal with.  Reputable Chinese dating sites, such as, offer invaluable information, tips, and advice on all things related to Chinese women, society, and culture. 


1 comment:

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