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Sunday, 4 August 2013

TCM For Better Health, Not Just Because Your Chinese Girlfriend Said So

Traditional Chinese Medicine, or TCM, is nearly as old as China itself. There’s a reason it has withstood the tests of time and the rise of modern medicine; while many TCM concepts still don’t have a solid scientific foundation (mostly because science has only begun to explore them), actual positive results from their application, not only based on what historical records claim but also based on recent and current cases, prove that they are more than just old wives’ tales.

You don’t have to subject yourself to any treatment that you’re not comfortable with; but there are plenty of TCM treatments and overall health maintenance concepts that you may find only slightly weird and a bit uncomfortable, and are interesting and popular enough that make them worth a try.

If you’re willing to let a doctor point a laser at your eye, then having a TCM practitioner turn you into a human pin cushion should not seem so crazy! While an eye doctor, of course, has a medical degree, TCM practitioners (the reputable ones) are also certified and have undergone years of training, much like MDs.

Acupuncture is used in TCM to treat pain and restore the balance of qi in the body. In fact, modern medicine has already recognized the science behind the stimulation of the body’s nerves through the insertion of thin needles on key points all over the body, which then also stimulates blood flow and the release of the body’s natural painkillers.

Or why not try cupping? You will be sporting many bruises on your back afterward, but according to TCM, cupping draws toxins from the body, stimulates blood flow, and restores qi. Cupping involves the placement of suction cups on the back and is believed to treat respiratory ailments, gastrointestinal disorders, arthritis, and physical tension.

With the traditional cupping method, the inside of the cups are first set on fire by using a flammable substance. But don’t worry; the cups are placed on the skin after the flame has died. The cooling of the inside of the cup creates a vacuum which causes the suction effect. More modern methods use silicone cups which can also be slid over the skin to create a massage-like effect.

If you suffer from chronic pain, especially on your neck and/or back, you should give gua sha a try! Medical research has actually discovered scientific evidence that supports the efficacy of this TCM treatment.

The method involves the application of a lubricant, usually massage oil, on the area that needs to be treated. A smooth-edged instrument is then used to make repeated strokes on the skin, which produces redness or bruises afterward. These strokes actually increase blood circulation in the area and also stimulate the release of natural pain relievers in the body. Many patients who have received gua sha treatment have reported significant relief from their pain.

If you enjoy getting a massage and also love doing exciting activities, well you can actually combine the two! TCM’s Chinese Knife Massage is actually more blood-pumping than it is calming, but the increased blood flow is what makes it an effective treatment for pain and other imbalances of the body.

You can get a Chinese Knife Massage while lying on a bed or sitting on a chair. The therapist rubs lotion or tiger balm on the neck and shoulders to promote relaxation, then a towel is placed over the body. Two, stainless steel butcher knives are then used to pound along the body’s meridians, hard enough to release tension and energy and to promote better flow of the body’s qi, but not so hard as to break the skin.

These are TCM remedies you can easily find practically anywhere in China. Mostly, they promote overall well-being, so you don’t have to suffer from an illness to try them out. If you do develop a cough or have an asthma attack, you can try natural medicines derived from carps; if you suffer from dysentery, boils, or nasal polyps, scarab beetles are often recommended.

Surprise your Chinese girlfriend by asking her to accompany you when you go for cupping therapy or acupuncture. She will definitely appreciate the fact that you’re immersing yourself in her culture through TCM.

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Women Want You, Laowai

Plenty of foreign men are flocking to Chinese online dating sites in the hopes of finding a Chinese women. Many more who are working in China also have the same desire. Luckily for these men, an increasing number of Chinese women are also starting to prefer foreign men as husbands. They are even taking classes to learn how they can marry successful expats.

In Shanghai, the Seek-a-Husband-Training Programme offers classes that teach Chinese women, particularly those who are now sheng nu, how to find and marry their white knight in shining armor. The fact that the programme specifically targets successful expats, however, has made it the target of criticism in the media.

The programme’s founder and course teacher, Liang Yali, says she wants to “mass produce” the happiness she herself has found, after her marriage to her American husband (a general manager at a multinational corporation).

Chinese women who are over 35, divorced, and are labeled sheng nu are Yali’s target market. In an interview with Shanghai newspaper, Modern Express, Liang says, “Many Chinese women over the age of 35 experience difficulties finding husbands domestically, but in the west, in many foreigners’ minds, women aged 35 are seen as most attractive.” (Source: http://www.scmp.com/comment/blogs/article/1249631/course-teaches-chinese-women-how-marry-elite-foreigner-90-days)

The happiness Liang’s programme offers comes in the form of a one-day course, which costs 2,800 yuan; a more advanced course for 40,000 yuan; and an unlimited package which costs 100,000 yuan.

Critics have accused Liang of encouraging materialistic and gold-digging attitudes toward marriage, as her courses seem to be only targeting foreign sugar daddies. But, in her defense, she discourages women who are only after rich husbands not to enroll in her classes, because she is in the “business of happiness.”

In China, women over the age of 35 and especially those who are already divorced and who may also be single mothers find it close to impossible to find a mate. Even though Chinese bachelors outnumber single females, men in the same age group are almost always already married. Additionally, these women also have to compete with younger women who are considered more desirable. They already carry the stigma of being leftover women, which makes them unsuitable prospects in the eyes of Chinese men.

Fortunately for these so-called leftover women, foreign men do not think their age and marital status make them undesirable as a mate. Indeed, many foreign men who desire a Chinese wife prefer “older” women because they have more life experiences and are more mature.

The fact that countless foreign males seek Chinese women as wives makes Liang’s classes seem completely unnecessary. Perhaps her classes are also able to educate Chinese women about how to successfully navigate the cross-cultural challenges of being with a foreign partner. But, then again, the fact that her programme specifically teaches Chinese women how to land a rich foreign husband does make her intentions, and those of the women who take her classes, questionable.

Perhaps the prevailing attitude of many Chinese women toward marriage, which demands a potential husband to have a certain income and to own a house, is a huge influence on Liang’s programme’s selective course goals. If this is the case, then there is some truth to the accusations that she is encouraging her students to seek out foreign partners based mostly on their financial status.

In any case, the women who attend Liang’s classes may or may not find the happiness they’re looking for

with a foreign husband; if they do, good for them; if they don’t, then they should start giving honest thought to their real intentions and why they are failing in finding a partner.

For the foreign men out there whose honest hearts’ desire is a Chinese wife, reputable Chinese online dating sites are a great first step toward realizing their dream. The most trustworthy ones are where many single Chinese women who also have honest intentions of finding love also gather.

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Chinese Travel By Taxi Without Your Chinese Girlfriend

As the saying goes, it’s also about the journey, not just the destination. When traveling around in China in a taxi without your Chinese girlfriend (actually, even when she’s with you), the journey, indeed, can end up being the most interesting part of your day, or your entire trip!

If you’re in Beijing, Shanghai, or any other highly westernized city in China, modern taxis are everywhere. Just like most other densely populated urban areas, of course, getting a cab can be quite a challenge, especially in certain areas and during certain hours.

Perhaps the most important thing you have to remember when traveling locally without your Chinese girlfriend is to have the name of your destination/s written on a piece of paper in Chinese characters to avoid any confusion when you let the driver know where you want to go. If the driver still seems unsure where the place is even after you show him the written address, you’d be better off waiting for another taxi whose driver is more knowledgeable about the place and the route to get there.

Especially in China’s first-tier cities, it is now rare for foreign passengers to get taken on long rides by cheating, but legit, taxi drivers. If you’re already familiar with how much the fare usually is to go to and from certain places, even if you’re still not very familiar with the route, and the meter of the taxi you’re in exceeds this amount, you can point it out to the driver to let him know you’re not as clueless as he thought you were. Usually, the driver would agree to just charge you the regular price.

Many big city taxi drivers are very pleasant and can communicate in English pretty well; but there are also many others who are less “professional” and have a habit of eating foods with strong, and often unpleasant, smells, and/or coughing up big globs of sticky spit.

Always get and keep the taxi receipts. In case you forget something in the cab, having the receipt will make it easier for you to track down the cab company and the specific taxi, and, hopefully, get your belongings back. If you have a complaint against a driver, the receipt will also help in locating and identifying him, if you’re unable to take down his taxi ID number and hotline which should be displayed on the passenger seat dashboard.

If you’re in a small Chinese town or village, taxis are more loosely used to describe any short-distance form of public transport. The taxi may be a motorbike or a three-wheeled vehicle. Indeed, in certain cities and towns where alleyways are often used as alternate routes, taxi-motorbikes are common. A helmet may or may not be provided. You should not be surprised when your taxi takes on additional passengers, transfers you to another vehicle in the middle of your trip, or takes off-road alternate routes.

Unless you’re in areas where modern taxis are numerous, most unconventional cab rides are not metered. In certain places, the fares are fixed regardless of the destination or for certain minimum and maximum distances; in other places, you will have to negotiate the price with the driver. If it’s the latter, always ask for the price upfront, even before you get on/into the taxi. If the cost of the trip seems to high, ask for a lower price or simply take a different taxi.

It would be best if your Chinese girlfriend can accompany you when you want to go around the city or town and have to ride taxis. But if you’ll be on your own, make sure you have the name and address of the place where you’re staying at written in Chinese characters on a piece of paper safely tucked inside your wallet at all times. Of course, enjoy the ride!

Surviving Cultural Clashes In China Until You Find Your Chinese Wife

You must feel a certain degree of admiration and respect, perhaps even love, for China if you’re planning on finding a Chinese wife and relocating to the Middle Kingdom. From your Chinese online dating experiences, you must already be aware of the cultural clashes that can sometimes be exciting or amusing, and at other times simply confusing or annoying. You can survive these by knowing and preparing yourself for the typically Chinese behaviors that you can expect when you get there.

When greeting or meeting somebody for the first time, for example, shaking hands is not the typical form of Chinese greeting. In business/professional settings, shaking hands has been adopted by many Chinese, but it’s still only a very cursory gesture. While considered a formal form of address, Chinese handshakes are seldom firm.

In most other settings, particularly the casual ones, you might only get a quick glance of acknowledgement, maybe even a small wave; the Chinese don’t like making direct eye contact, so don’t feel offended when they won’t look at you. When being handed a business card, accept it using just the fingertips of both hands; if the person is standing, you should also stand. Give the card a thorough look before putting it in your wallet.

Whether they’re acquaintances or friends, the Chinese have the habit of asking questions and making remarks that are often considered too personal by westerners. Again, don’t be offended if somebody asks you what you do for a living and how much your salary is; if a neighbor asks about your marital status and gives you unsolicited relationship/marriage advice; if a co-worker asks about the car and house you own back in your home country and how much they cost; or if the old lady at the market says you should watch what you eat and exercise more because you’re getting fat.

Depending on what area of China you’re going, you should also expect a certain degree of “celebrity status.” In less developed areas, the locals will stare and point at you, whisper amongst themselves, wave to you and shout “Hello,” and/or ask to have a picture taken with you. Always remember to be patient and polite.

One thing you might find harder to adjust to is the constant invasion of your personal space. You will often find people standing so close to you that their arm brushes against yours or you feel their hot breath on your nape; when somebody’s talking to you, they might lean or stand too close to make you uncomfortable. Just remember that given China’s dense population, especially in the urban areas, having personal space is, more often than not, simply impossible; additionally the concept is completely foreign to the Chinese.

What you may find even more annoying than the invasion of your personal space is the Chinese’ habit of line-cutting or not falling in line at all. You will just have to learn to cut lines, as well, and to develop a strategy that will minimize the instances of people cutting in front of you.

Whether you’re walking, waiting for the train or a cab, standing in line, or simply enjoying the sights, you will most likely hear and see a local coughing up and spitting out a glob of spit. Maybe you’ll get used to it, or maybe it will never make you stop cringing. In any case, just always watch where you step.

Whatever opinions you may form based on these behaviors, don’t forget that you are still only a guest in their country. You may not approve of some or all of these behaviors, but you should not act rudely or as if you’re better than them. Keeping your mind open does not mean that you always have to do as the Chinese do. There are so many more things about China that deserve your appreciation, not the least of which are the lovely Chinese ladies.

Sunday, 28 July 2013

Chinese Toilet Adventures While Chinese Dating

Perhaps one thing that never occurred to you when you decided to travel to China to take that next, big step in your quest to find the Chinese love of your life through Chinese online dating is how nature’s calls will make your real-life Chinese dating experience a more… memorable one. For obvious reasons, your toilet options were the last thing on your mind when you booked that flight to China.

Pretty soon, however, you will realize that this trip comes with a surprise toilet adventure package! Indeed, this is a standard and take-it-or-leave it “(non-)option” for the average traveler/visitor to the Middle Kingdom. If you’re reading this article before that long-awaited flight to meet your special Chinese lady for the first time, then you can still adequately prepare yourself for this bonus Chinese travel adventure.

Packs of Kleenex are always an essential for any traveler, and they are an absolute must when traveling to China where toilet paper seems to be either a scarce commodity or an unnecessary amenity so far as public toilets are concerned, that is unless you’re staying and traveling in an area where first-world comforts are not in short supply. Even there though, many public toilets do not include toilet paper for the simple reason that if they did, the first person to use the facility would likely steal it.

Again, being an average traveler, you will most likely find yourself in average circumstances and your packs of Kleenex will help you avoid more than a few what-happens-in-China-stays-in-China kind of mortifying moments.

This doesn’t mean you need to bring a suitcase full of tissue packs with you, just enough to get through the first day or two. You can buy these tissue packs quite readily in China at supermarkets and confectioneries for considerably less than you might pay back home.

Your average means combined with your carefree manner may mean that you won’t be very picky with the foods and the places where you’ll be eating. No matter how undiscriminating and adventurous your palate is, your intestinal constitution may not be as tolerant. For those times when your stomach may grumble and cramp in disagreement with your choice of food, and there are no decent public restrooms nearby, having some diarrhea medicine in your bag will be a lifesaver!

While counting the days until you and your Chinese girlfriend get to spend real time together, strengthen those thigh muscles by doing squatting exercises. Having strong thighs will be very beneficial in many other ways, for sure, but since we’re on the topic of Chinese toilets, practicing your squats will actually serve you very well when you encounter holes in the ground instead of the sitting toilets you’re used to.

Squatting toilets are still the norm in China, and even in the big cities public facilities that include a sitter are few and far between. On the one hand, you can take comfort in the thought that your bare bum won’t be touching the toilet surface which will, no doubt, be spattered with… well, just use your imagination. On the other hand, you will soon discover that leg cramps will only make aiming even more difficult than it will already prove to be, and the fact that you’re hovering will not spare your skin from your own spatter!

With those very unpleasant thoughts now in your head, you might as well make a mental note to also bring a lot of wet/antimicrobial wipes!

In addition to the scarcity of toilet paper, many public toilets in China also don’t have running water. If the sign on the wall shows the usual silhouette of a man sitting/squatting, it will be safe to assume that the plumbing works and you can take care of your crap, pun intended. Otherwise, and especially if the sign is just in Chinese or if it actually says “No Shitting,” then take your crap some place else.

If you happen to visit a public restroom that’s already packed, don’t stand around figuring out where the end of the line is. There’s no line. What you’ll have to figure out is how to make your way to the front, because that’s what every other man in there will be doing.

When you finally manage to cut in front everybody else and to place yourself directly outside a stall door, or behind another man already using the urinal, defend your spot with your elbows and your feet apart because somebody will always try to take it from you!

With these tips, you will, hopefully, be able to survive your Chinese toilet adventures without any embarrassing incidents and you’ll be coming home with only happy memories shared with your special Chinese lady. Of course, it will be best if you can reduce the likelihood of needing to use a public restroom with proper timing and a well-thought-out strategy!

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Understanding and Enduring Your Chinese Love's Show of Concern

"How old are you?", "Are you married?", "What is your job?", "How much is your salary?", "How much do you weigh?", "Where do you live?", "Do you own a house/apartment?", "How much is your rent?" are all questions you’re likely to face when dating Chinese women. The lines between what's personal and what's not are very blurry in China. Chances are pretty high that you're going to be confronted by this blurriness frequently when you're meeting Chinese woman after Chinese woman in search of your Chinese love.

But don't be too fast to think that these women are just being nosy and/or rude. Most of the time, these questions underlie sincere concern and interest. Guan xin talk is the Chinese way of showing this.

Co-authors of the book, Communicating Effectively with the Chinese, GeGao and Stella Ting-Toomey define this practice as follows:

"guānxīn” or "to show concern" talk is a communicative genre that occupies a prominent position in Chinese relational communication. Guānxīn entails asking questions about a person's well-being and other personal matters... "To show concern" also evokes the use of cautionary remarks, such as, "You should not drink too much because it is not good for your health" or "You should put on some warm clothes because it is cold outside"... “Quànjiě” or “to caution and to advise" is widely employed to show concern for others in Chinese culture...".

A Chinese person's concern, indeed, is always accompanied by some well-intentioned, albeit unsolicited and sometimes seemingly crude, advice, caution, or criticism.

When they ask you about your age and marital status, it is often followed by something like, "You should find a good wife to take care of you. I think it is a woman's role to take care of her husband!"

When they ask what you do for a living and how much you earn, they may follow up with an advice about how you should start saving up for the future. When they ask about your weight, they will also tell you that you should either gain more or lose some weight, and how you can be healthier. When they inquire about your accommodations, they will tell you if they think you're being charged a decent rent.

If you're sick, they will advise you on the right clothes to wear, how many layers you should put on, what you shouldn't eat and do when it's cold/hot, and to try this or that traditional remedy.

Certainly, guan xin talk is easier to welcome if it comes from your Chinese lady, and even her family, than it is when it's your neighbor, the local street vendor near your place of work, the old lady you always buy vegetables from at the street market, a colleague, or somebody you just met at your girlfriend's cousin's daughter's wedding. In the latter cases you may have the urge to tell them it's none of their business and walk away.

But even from your Chinese love or her people, such direct prodding about matters that westerners often consider personal and the presumptuous, patronizing, or condescending way that the Chinese offer their advice, caution, or criticism can be easily taken by a laowai as offensive and even disrespectful - but only because they're reacting to a Chinese behavior with a western mindset.

Even if you're a laowai who has been around Chinese people for many years and with your Chinese lady for a considerable time, you will have some bad days when cross-cultural stresses are just too much and the last thing you need is some guan xin talk about your eating habits. But by now you probably know that it is coming from awell meaning heart and a position of caring, so you dig down deep and let it pass.

If you're fairly new to the genuine Chinese experience, just always remember that you're in a foreign land with foreign customs and attitudes and, while you still have a lot to understand about the people and their ways, your lack of understanding is not an excuse to be rude to the people of your host country and community.

Hopefully sooner rather than later, and with the help of your Chinese love once you have found her, you will develop a healthy attitude toward guan xin talk directed at you by herself and her loved ones, and ultimately learn how to appreciate their concern. Perhaps over time you'll even learn how to politely endure guan xin talk from Chinese people not so close to you as your Chinese love.

If you are looking for Chinese love you must visit ChinaLoveMatch.net. You will not only find beautiful Chinese women looking for men like you, but will also discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of China Love Match (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Monday, 22 July 2013

Things a Laowai Should Not Do When Visiting His Chinese Love

Presumably, you chose a Chinese woman to be your future wife because you have a sincere appreciation of the rich culture and history of China and the inner beauty and greatness of its people. So when it’s finally time for you to visit your Chinese love, or perhaps to start a new life in the Middle Kingdom, here are some things that you, being a laowai, should not do.

A “lawaoi,” by the way, is the name that the Chinese use to refer to any foreign visitor to their country. And it doesn’t matter if you have lived in China for a decade or more, if you’ve married a Chinese woman, and have fathered Chinese children, you’ll always be a laowai. This does not mean that you’ll never be welcomed; you will eventually be welcomed as a member of your wife’s family, your local community, and the place where you work. But you won’t really be one of them because, obviously, you’ll never be Chinese.

Your choice to live among them, or even if you will just be interacting with them during a very limited time, means you have to adapt to and respect their ways. You are their guest, after all. So what are the things you should refrain from doing?

Firstly, if you’ve put off learning even the most basic Chinese words and phrases for as long as you could, stop! Sure, many Chinese know how to communicate in English in varying degrees, especially if you’ll be visiting/moving to a highly urbanized and westernized area; but don’t expect everyone to know English. And don’t be lazy just because your Chinese girlfriend or laowai friend can translate for you. When you learn their language, you not only honor your Chinese love but also her people.

Stop judging, comparing, and complaining. Chinese people don’t fall in line; they drink and drive with their hands perpetually on the horn; traffic rules are merely suggestions; the men spit and pee just about anywhere; children pee and poop just about anywhere, as well; the air pollution is very bad; food safety is a constant and very serious problem; it goes on and on and on.

Sure, there are many bad things in China; there are many bad things in your home country, too, and in any other country for that matter. Maybe during very bad days, it’s nearly impossible for you to appreciate the other side – the better side – of China, but it’s always there just the same. You had and still have very good reasons for choosing a Chinese wife and starting a new life in her country. Things are the way they are in China, learn to accept it; the sooner you do, the happier you will be.

Don’t just live in your own, little world. Don’t just stick to your country’s food (if you’re lucky enough to have easy access to it, that is); be adventurous and try the local specialties. Don’t ignore local and national happenings; watch the news, read the newspaper, talk to your neighbors about upcoming holidays and events. Don’t choose to ignore Chinese customs; show genuine interest by talking to your Chinese love, a co-worker, or a neighbor about some of them.

Especially if you’ll be staying for an extended period in China, or relocating there, you will miss a lot of the things back home. You don’t have to completely abandon your old life and become a totally different person; but your new experiences, your immersion in Chinese society, will certainly change you and you should let it, but make sure it’s for the better. Accepting some of their ways doesn’t necessarily mean you’re turning your back on some of your long-held beliefs and principles; being open to new things is simply an opportunity to learn and improve.

Certainly, avoiding these behaviors will make your relationship with your Chinese love, her family, and her people a smoother one, and the cross-cultural challenges easier to handle.