Chinese Women and their “Uncle Complex”

Compared to a decade or so ago, Chinese women nowadays are more open to being with a much older man; in fact, many even prefer older men as a life partner.  On average, these women cap the age difference at 10 years, but there are those who do not mind having a partner who is more than a decade older.  This is very good news for foreign men who are 40 and older and are looking for a Chinese women.

Recently, the dating website Jiayuan.com and the National Population and Family Planning Commission jointly released its 2012-2013 Survey Report on Chinese People’s Love and Marriage Values, and part of the results provide proof of this so-called uncle complex, with almost 70 percent of women preferring partners a decade older than them. (Source: http://www.womenofchina.cn/html/womenofchina/report/149734-1.htm)

Typically, women with an “uncle complex” prefer older men that are charming, dignified, handsome, and financially successful; the term originates from Korea and is derived from a Korean form of address to men five or six years older that are respected in society. 

The likes of Johnny Depp, George Clooney, and Pierce Brosnan are the ideal for older mates.  Women finding such men desirable partners is nothing new, of course.  Throughout history and in many cultures, men of power, success, and wealth have always demanded respect and admiration, especially among women.  This is especially true in societies, both past and present, where men are given the more dominant role. 

The addition of physical attractiveness and charm is a relatively more recent change – one which was, no doubt, of western origins.  With the ladies of China, the “uncle complex” has more to do with a potential mate’s age and stability than his physical attractiveness. 

Chinese women’s need for financial security in a marriage is largely influenced by their traditional attitudes toward gender roles in society and marriage.  Even many modern women of China who have begun to also demand the satisfaction of deeper emotional needs still require some sort of indication that a potential husband is capable of providing her and his future family with a secure future, be it in the form of a stable job, house ownership, or simply having great ambitions. 

This is precisely because having security is still a big part of having their deeper emotional needs satisfied.  Given the continuing increase of the cost of living in the country, especially the costs of real estate, it has become harder and harder for men to qualify as a suitable provider.  This has certainly been a factor in the emergence of the “uncle complex” among Chinese women, especially when one considers that more women in their early twenties have been developing the said preference in a mate.

Being older definitely denotes that a man is more established and, therefore, is a more capable provider.  Chinese women’s preference for this group of men does show a consistency in their traditionally pragmatic attitude toward marriage, as much as it shows their realistic approach to their fast changing society.  As practical a solution as it may seem, however, it is not without flaws. 

Firstly, the majority of Chinese men that fall under this category are already married.  Secondly, most traditional parents will not approve of such a choice.  The obvious solution to the first obstacle is to seek out foreign men; the second obstacle is, more often than not, simply something that cannot be avoided and which these women will have to face head on.    

This is not to say that Chinese women’s “uncle complex” only further shows their gold-digging tendencies.  Most of these women who prefer older men are actually after the man’s maturity, experience, and dependability than anything else.  What any foreign man who is seeking a Chinese wife must always remember is that things are not always black and white when it comes to the women of China.  But they are definitely a breed of women that is worth understanding and pursuing. 

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