The Art of Saying “No” When Living in China and Chinese Dating

If you want to succeed in Chinese dating and also be able to build meaningful relationships while living in China, you will have to learn the Chinese art of saying “No,” and negative statements in general.  The American way of doing it is just too blunt, careless, and insensitive – at least, this is how the Chinese view it.  In China, you can’t just call it as you see it, especially when it will cause someone to lose face; you have to be considerate, give them a way out, or simply leave them guessing. 

This is especially important in your place of work and, when you finally find your dream Chinese woman, when you’re interacting with her family.  It will take time and plenty of confusing experiences, but, eventually, you will develop a more-or-less-acceptable euphemistic tongue, which will help you build and nurture long-term relationships.

In the work place, colleagues, particularly those who have lower positions than you, will often take on more work than they can handle because they won’t say no when you ask them directly if they can finish it, and you’re not able to read between the lines of their vague answers.  Of course, you will then expect them to actually finish the job because you don’t know any better.  Here are some ways that they might try to tell you in a very roundabout way that “No, they can’t do it.”  You can even use these replies yourself and your colleagues will understand your real meaning perfectly.

• I’ll do my best.
• It’s inconvenient.
• Maybe I can.
• I’ll give it a shot.

The same goes for situations where you have to refuse a request or tell somebody that they can’t do something, like take a nap in the middle of work.  And it’s always best to do it when nobody else is around so they won’t lose face. 

• I’ll think about it.
• Next time we need to talk to a client, observe how I do it.
• I hope you’ll get plenty of rest tonight, so you won’t be too sleepy tomorrow at work. 
• It’s been a very busy day at work today, Honey; it’s up to you if you still want us to go to that videoke bar or just have a quiet dinner at home tonight.

When you’re asked for an opinion or have to approve a completed work, instead of saying something is awful, you can use these statements disguised as positive reinforcement.

• Not bad.
• It looks alright; how about you take some more time to make some improvements?
• I appreciate your effort!  Review it some more and then show me again.
• That dress is nice, Honey; but you look lovelier in the red quipao. 

If you don’t agree with something, the best way to handle it is to mention why it’s maybe a good idea but not the best and the reasons why another option is better; don’t just say you don’t like it. 

• Honey, I want us to get married as soon as possible, so maybe we should have a more intimate and romantic wedding, and then maybe we can go on that honeymoon cruise we wanted!
• This idea might work, but how about if we do it like this?

Being an expat means the Chinese around you are often more understanding if you get confused or if you are more direct than is considered polite.  But being an expat also means you will have to adapt to the Chinese way of doing things, don’t expect them to adjust to you.  Always remember that if there are any misunderstandings, it’s very likely that there was a complete disconnect between what somebody said and your expectations.  Given enough time and an open mind, you will soon be able to decipher Chinese euphemisms for “No” and even deliver them yourself like a natural!  This is especially important when you’re seriously involved in Chinese dating while seeking your ideal China love match.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating, living in China, and building relationships in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Dating and Chinese City Living

Chinese dating may be a top or secondary goal for you while in China, but, of course, you will still have to make a decent living and, as much as possible, also try to live a good quality of life.  City living can definitely give you more opportunities to achieve the former, but not the latter. 

Making a decent living is always a given for any man who has serious, long-term relationship goals, not only when he’s dating a Chinese woman, but any other woman from a different cultural background, as well.  Having a good quality of life is often taken for granted and exchanged for good earning potential, but it is just as important to a man’s dating and relationship success, if not more. 

For the most part, Chinese city living does provide expats with great opportunities to earn good money and make themselves suitable providers to their ideal Chinese lady; at the same time, living in China’s first-tier cities can drastically reduce their quality of life, both in terms of physical and spiritual health.

A report on the urban competitiveness of China, made by the Chinese National Academy of Sciences’ National Academy of Economic Strategy, ranked China’s first-tier cities based on their suitability for living in terms of quality of life indicators, such as general cost of living, pollution, traffic, and general ecological environment.  Only two, Hong Kong and Macau, were classified as among the “most livable.”  (Source: http://usa.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2013-05/21/content_16513621.htm)

Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and most other first-tier Chinese cities, which many expats prefer to live and work in, did not make the grade.

These three cities, in particular, are among the top 10 with the best commercial advantages, cultural development, and city and countryside unification.  They have the biggest economic development and are the most preferred areas for both local and international investments.  For these reasons, they provide expats and the Chinese people alike with the best employment opportunities, as well as a high-standard of living in terms of access to modern comforts and technologies.

For expats, especially, being in a culturally diverse environment and having access to the best academic and medical resources, career opportunities, and western comforts can make their attempt at a new and better life in China easier to pursue.  Dating opportunities are also very good in these cities, as Chinese women who live/flock there are often well-educated, independent, and modern. 

But when it comes to “habitability,” these cities are not the best options, especially when one is also looking to start a family in the future.  Beijing, for example, boasts of having a very diverse population, a large expat community, the best medical facilities, and modern infrastructures; but the city has sacrificed the most basic essentials in exchange for its development.  Air and water quality, for example, is so poor that it is a chronic and very serious public health issue. 

Despite the fact that these cities are also the most advanced in terms of railway technology, road congestion remains a huge problem; traffic jams are a daily headache.  Rapid housing developments also do not translate to affordability; in fact, these places are the most expensive when it comes to real estate.  Affordable housing, many times, means very small spaces and unreliable water and heating services.  While western food is widely available, food safety, particularly involving the local food industry, remains a serious issue.

Having a culture that places a high value on balance and harmony, it is a surprise that most of China’s first-tier cities fail to achieve a balance between progress and habitability.  They do offer the best opportunities but not the best conditions for living. 

It can be said that China may now have a first-world economy, but living conditions in its most urbanized areas are still mostly on the “third-world level.”

Starting a new life in a new country can be challenging and an expat will have to go where the best opportunities are to increase his chances of success; perhaps China’s first-tier cities provide a great starting point, but eventually, he must also consider plans for the future, especially if they include having a family with his dream Chinese wife someday.  Being a good provider, after all, does not only mean economic stability and comfortable living; it also means being able to provide a good quality of life.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating and relationships, living in China, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Traveling Around China With Your Chinese Girlfriend

Once you are in the Middle Kingdom, don’t just limit yourself to the town or city where you’re staying in.  Whether you’re only visiting China as a tourist and to see your Chinese girlfriend, or if you’re here to work, take the time to explore this great and beautiful country!  Here are some pointers on how to get started.

There are three important factors you have to consider to help you figure out where/how far you can travel with your Chinese girlfriend.  First are the time constraints; second is your budget; and third is the type of visa you hold. 

The first two are self-explanatory.  If you have a multiple-entry visa, this means you’re not just limited to traveling within mainland China; you can also visit Hong Kong and Macau.  When you re-enter the mainland, your visa will be automatically renewed.  If you only have a double entry visa be sure you go to both Hong Kong and Macau on the same side trip, because you’ll only get back into mainland China once. If your visa is single-entry, there are still countless, interesting places within the mainland you can enjoy! 

When choosing where to go, find out how much the prices are.  Obviously, the biggest cities and most popular tourist destinations will be more expensive to visit.  Other, lesser-known or off-the-beaten-track and cheaper places all over China are just as interesting, if not more.  Check out travel websites.  You may even want to consider joining a tour group.  But having an adventure on your own is always more exciting!

You may also want to consider having a change in weather and atmosphere.  You can escape the cold temperatures of the north and head to the warmer, southern regions.  If you’re currently in a city, leave the heavy smog behind; instead of simply going to another polluted city, travel to a luscious mountain or seaside province!  Of course, make sure the weather is pleasant where you want to go given the time of year that you want to go there.

Do you want to soak up the richness of China’s culture or marvel at the modern architectures of the country’s most modern urban areas?  Do you want to travel through China’s history or bask in its modern glory?  Are you looking to escape into nature, for a soul-searching retreat, or to indulge in a romantic getaway?

Once you have decided where to go with your Chinese love, the next item on your to-do list is to find out how to best get there.  Of course, if you’re traveling outside mainland China, you will be doing it by air.  But if you’re just staying within the mainland, you may also have the option to take the train.  If you have the time to spare and the travel by train will be considerably long, getting to your destination can be an adventure all on its own!  Again, do research online and look for helpful tips to make your train trip as comfortable and fun as possible.

Where should you stay?  Find accommodations that are near public transport stations, as much as possible.  Even when you’re taking a cab back to your hotel/hostel/motel, the driver will always be familiar with the bus or train station nearby.

Before making a reservation, read online reviews about the place.  Both positive and negative feedback will be equally helpful; you’ll know what to expect and you can decide if the place is worth the cost.  If the hotel/hostel/motel does not allow online booking, you should make a list of names and addresses of places that you can check out and choose from once you get to your destination.  Most of the time, you will be out and about, anyway, so you can forego luxurious accommodations and settle for modest ones.

Before your trip, do one last research about the local places that you can visit and make a list.  You can then prepare an itinerary for you and your girlfriend, or you can just wing it, but at least you will have an idea of which places you want to go to.  Pack appropriately; bring extra copies of your passport; bring your own towels, just in case, as well as enough toilet paper to last your trip!  And don’t forget to take lots of pictures and have fun!  

Discover tons of great information about your Chinesegirlfriend, living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Don’t Get Run Over in China Before You Find Your Chinese Love

Even in China’s most urbanized areas, the distinct foreignness of the environment is often enjoyable enough for a visiting westerner: the constant chatter in a different language; the mixture of delicious aromas; the throngs of locals going about their daily lives; the incredible, modern architectures towering over everything.  But, western traveler, while enjoying the sights and sounds of China, don’t get too distracted or you might get run over before you even find your Chinese love!

Browse through forums and blogs of expats in China and you will find a lot of them complaining about how dangerous the streets, back alleys, and even sidewalks are for pedestrians.  In China, the pedestrians have no rights at all, and that’s not an exaggeration.  Well, okay, they do, supposedly; but traffic laws are rarely followed on China’s roads and pedestrians are practically invisible to drivers. 

Not trying to scare you or anything, but the Chinese represent only three percent of the world’s drivers and, at the same time, the country has one of the highest road fatality rates per capita!  Chinese drivers definitely live up to the stereotype about Asians being bad drivers!

The driving culture in China is still in its infancy stage and most Chinese drivers are still first-timers; that is, these private car owners “learned” how to drive only a few years ago when China’s economy started to really boom and many Chinese earned more than enough money to buy their own cars.  Imagine this: in as little as ten years, between 2000 and 2010, the number of privately owned cars in China increased from less than 10 million to a whopping 70 million. 

Add to this the fact that the Chinese do have a tendency to bend the rules or not follow them at all, and the fact that traffic enforcement is very slack, and the fact that most whiz through their “driving lessons” and get their license without being taught proper defensive driving, and the fact that driving “instructors” are inexperienced themselves, and you have an equation for road disasters!

If there’s only one thing you have to remember when walking the dangerous and congested streets of a Chinese city, it is this: even when you’re on a sidewalk or a pedestrian lane, and even when you’re crossing the road when the traffic light is red, you DO NOT have the right of way! At least not in the eyes of Chinese drivers, who will race to get through that crosswalk ahead of you.

Black, government cars are, of course, the lord of the roads; everybody gets out of the way when they’re coming.  But when they’re out of the picture, Chinese roads seem to follow the basic concept of bullying – that is, the bigger vehicles bully smaller ones out of their way!  That’s why a big part of the chaos on Chinese roads is the constant noise of blaring horns.  Indeed, the Chinese use their horns more than they use their brakes!

And it’s not just the trucks, buses, and cars that you have to watch out for when walking or crossing the streets; scooters and bicycles also barrel through pedestrians, even on sidewalks and coming from the wrong direction of one-way streets! 

As much as possible, always walk on and/or cross roads with a horde of other pedestrians, especially during peak hours of traffic.  The more people you have between you and oncoming traffic, the better!  At the same time, always be on alert, particularly when you’re crossing a busy intersection.  Cars won’t stop for you; heck, most won’t even stop on a red light!  Either walk very fast, or slow enough to avoid any vehicle that might appear out of nowhere.  You should also be quick enough to jump out of the way whenever necessary, which is often!

I read a tip posted by a foreigner about not making eye contact with Chinese drivers when crossing the street; apparently, if they think you didn’t see them, they MIGHT think twice about not running you over!  Well, you can test that theory at your own risk!  Just remember, your dream Chinese woman is still waiting for you around the corner, or across the street, so keep your wits about you when you’re braving China’s roads on your feet so you don’t get run over before you even realize your dream!

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on Chinese love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

A Chinese Woman’s Personal Problem

It is the same for every Chinese woman in China; when a mother starts telling her daughter to solve her “personal problem,” she is referring to her daughter’s single status.  Her singlehood starts to become a personal problem at age 25.  After all, a Chinese woman is supposed to already be married by the time she’s 27 and the entire process that leads up to that can be very long and hard these days.    

It is not just the fear of her daughter becoming shengnu (a leftover woman) that weighs down on a Chinese mother.  Her anxiety stems more from the fact that her daughter’s life is not going according to plan.  And she is used to life always being carefully planned and to following that plan to the letter.  She still comes from a time when life was more or less charted out and everybody did what was expected of them.    

It is not just the Chinese woman’s mother who feels seriously concerned about her personal problem; her grandmother, of course, is equally worried.  Her ayis, or aunts both by blood and from her mother’s social circle, also involve themselves one way or the other; so do her female cousins, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and even the street sweeper.  Mostly, they try to play matchmaker, especially the ayis.  They also constantly give her advice about their ideas of what a good husband is and how she can successfully find one. 

Matchmaking is still alive and well in China.  Arranged marriages may have been made illegal decades ago, but the matchmaking business is thriving very well in China’s current marriage market atmosphere of tough competition and high demands.  In an effort to give her mother and grandmother some level of assurance, and to get the others to lay off somewhat with their constant nagging and questions, a Chinese woman explores numerous matchmaking options.

She tests the waters of online matchmaking sites; she tentatively attends matchmaking and speed dating events; she allows her well-intentioned ayis and friends to set her up on blind dates.  In other words, she lets everybody around her push her toward the direction that they all say she’s supposed to take and the destination she has to reach very soon. 

More than anything else, she wants to remain filial and to maker her mother and grandmother happy.  They sincerely want to see her settled down with a good husband and to know that she will have a secure future, which they also honestly believe she can only get by finding a suitable husband.  Of course, they also want to be able to experience the joys of being a grandmother and great-grandmother.  A Chinese woman genuinely wants to be able to give these joys to the most beloved women in her life. 

They all mean well; they are all only looking after her well-being.  They only want what’s best for her and they believe that marriage is what’s best for her.  Sadly, nobody bothers to ask her what she wants.  Of course, having a good husband and a family is also a Chinese woman’s desire.  So is love and time to find it. 

Being of the modern world, being educated and independently stable, a Chinese woman believes there is no need to rush into marriage and that doing so because still being single by age 27 is supposed to be a death sentence on her ability to find a mate is simply ridiculous.  She believes she should take the time to look for a good man that she can love and who will love her back, and to nurture a relationship that will provide a solid foundation for a happy and lasting marriage.  For a modern and more enlightened Chinese woman, being single in her late 20s is not a personal problem; it is a choice and a wise one at that. 

But her values and especially her high regard for filial piety also means she is not selfish and that her family’s happiness is important to her; seeing them happy also makes her happy.  So she continues to dive into the world of Chinese matchmaking online, to sign up for local matchmaking events and to go on dates that are arranged for her by well-meaning family and friends.  She continues to work on her personal problem.     

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of real Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Awkward Chinese Dating Moments: Which Way Should You Face On a Squat Toilet?

As if having to use a squat toilet isn’t inconvenient enough for most foreigners, not knowing which way to face also makes the experience very awkward.  Especially when it’s one’s desperate need to go that makes them realize that resistance to squatting is futile when it’s the only option available to them at the time, being confounded as to whether to face the door or the wall only adds to the aggravation.  When this happens while you’re Chinese dating, asking your date for “advice” may not be an option if you want to preserve the romantic atmosphere (or any respect she may now have for you). 

Whether you’re new to squatting or you simply haven’t gotten the hang of it yet, perhaps “learning” the very tricky art of squatting via a no-nonsense, straightforward instructional how-to can help get things going, in every sense of the phrase!  As WikiHow points out, “Sure, the explicitness of these instructions might make you a little uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as it'd be to ask someone how to use a squat toilet, or walk away from one with a mess on the floor and on your clothes.” (Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Squat-Toilet)

As for the question of which way you should face, it boils down to personal preference most of the time.  But there is a right way to face that helps minimize or prevents back spatter or, worse, making a mess. 

If you have ever used a Japanese-designed squat toilet, you would be familiar with the “dome” that can be found on one end of the bowl.  The “correct” position is facing this dome, which means your back is to the door.  Of course, most foreigners are accustomed to sitting on a toilet facing the door, so doing it the other way around may add to the discomfort.  However, this is the best position that provides the best “aim,” whether you’re emptying your bladder or your bowels.

Chinese squatty potties don’t have this dome or lip, but the Chinese also squat facing the wall.  This makes more sense when you encounter a squatter with a sloping bottom, wherein the hole is located on the deeper end.  If you are facing the “right” way, toward the wall, then you would be aiming your liquid or solid projectile directly into the hole.  But if you are facing the other direction, then you will be dumping your liquid/solid waste into the shallow end.  This is more likely to cause back spatter.

Additionally, squatters, unlike sitters, are often not filled with water.  So if you release your load into the shallow end, you might also end up “leaving a mark.”  Of course, if you’re simply voiding your bladder, then the only thing you will have to worry about is splashing pee all over yourself.   

While facing forward is more familiar and, therefore, more comfortable to you, it can cause you further discomfort and even embarrassment when you step out of the restroom with your pants wet, especially when you’re still not used to using a squatter.  And then, there’s also the embarrassment of leaving an unpleasant surprise for the next person who will use the potty.  When you’re on a date with a very special Chinese lady who may just be The One, you really do not want to find yourself in this kind of embarrassing situation! 

This very creative how-to should help make you feel more “capable” when confronted by a squatty potty!  Check out http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~AD8Y-HYS/movie.htm.  Remember, practice makes perfect!  If you’re staying in China for a prolonged period, you might as well get used to using a squatter properly.   

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of real Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Ever Wondered Why Your Chinese Girlfriend Only Drinks Hot Water?

In the west, a glass of cold/ice water is commonly served with a meal; in China, traditionally, the locals only drink hot water.  In the west, a hot beverage is often enjoyed only when the weather is cold, most of the time during breakfast, and/or after a meal; in China, it does not matter how high the temperature is, it’s almost always hot water or hot tea!  Does your girlfriend have the same habit? 

The exception seems to be the younger generation, most of whom are soda drinkers.  But even with many people in China having easy access to and being able to afford drinking only bottled water, the preference for hot water still persists.  The simplest explanation that the Chinese have for this habit is that hot water is good for your health.  Indeed, this belief is closely tied to traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), which often associates anything “cold” (air, food, drinks, etc.) with negative health effects.

It may help you better understand some of the Chinese “logic” behind drinking hot water by learning about what they think about westerners’ habit of drinking cold water.     

To many Chinese, westerners simply are not used to drinking hot water.  Others explain the “odd” habit more matter-of-factly when they say that drinking water directly from the tap is common and safe in the west, and so boiling water is unnecessary.  Some actually believe that westerners think hot water is only used for coffee and tea (well, they forgot to mention hot coco!), which also makes sense.  Many think that foreigners are just too impatient to wait for hot water to get cool enough to drink!  And then some reason that westerners prefer “raw,” or unboiled,” water because they also like to eat raw food, such as salads and steak.

It is true that in China, tap water is not safe to drink and people do have to always boil their water first to kill germs and prevent diseases.  This is how it has always been for the longest time in the Middle Kingdom.  The practice has simply persisted even after refrigeration became common in Chinese households and after drinking water has become the norm worldwide. 

Many Chinese still believe that drinking hot water is better for digestion, because cold water or any cold liquids solidify fats in the stomach and make digestion more difficult.  This is basic TCM/health knowledge that is passed down from one generation to the next in China.  Modern science, however, explains that it does not matter what temperature the food and drink we consume has; they quickly match our body’s internal temperature and it is the acids in the stomach that break down the food further to make it easier to digest.         

Whether or not you’ll adopt the habit is up to you, of course.  If you do develop a preference for hot water with your meals and you return to your home country, you should expect weird looks from your family and friends, as well as the waiter/waitress, when you request hot water.  If you can’t get used to it, fortunately, you can ask for bottled water when you eat out. 

It would be safest, too, if you avoided using ice while in China, even when eating at American fast food restaurants; you cannot be sure if the water used to make it is filtered/distilled/boiled.  But if you “have the stomach” for it, then go ahead and quench your thirst the western way!  

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

TCM For Better Health, Not Just Because Your Chinese Girlfriend Said So

Traditional Chinese Medicine, or TCM, is nearly as old as China itself.  There’s a reason it has withstood the tests of time and the rise of modern medicine; while many TCM concepts still don’t have a solid scientific foundation (mostly because science has only begun to explore them), actual positive results from their application, not only based on what historical records claim but also based on recent and current cases, prove that they are more than just old wives’ tales. 

You don’t have to subject yourself to any treatment that you’re not comfortable with; but there are plenty of TCM treatments and overall health maintenance concepts that you may find only slightly weird and a bit uncomfortable, and are interesting and popular enough that make them worth a try. 

If you’re willing to let a doctor point a laser at your eye, then having a TCM practitioner turn you into a human pin cushion should not seem so crazy!  While an eye doctor, of course, has a medical degree, TCM practitioners (the reputable ones) are also certified and have undergone years of training, much like MDs.

Acupuncture is used in TCM to treat pain and restore the balance of qi in the body.  In fact, modern medicine has already recognized the science behind the stimulation of the body’s nerves through the insertion of thin needles on key points all over the body, which then also stimulates blood flow and the release of the body’s natural painkillers.   

Or why not try cupping?  You will be sporting many bruises on your back afterward, but according to TCM, cupping draws toxins from the body, stimulates blood flow, and restores qi.  Cupping involves the placement of suction cups on the back and is believed to treat respiratory ailments, gastrointestinal disorders, arthritis, and physical tension. 

With the traditional cupping method, the inside of the cups are first set on fire by using a flammable substance.  But don’t worry; the cups are placed on the skin after the flame has died.  The cooling of the inside of the cup creates a vacuum which causes the suction effect.  More modern methods use silicone cups which can also be slid over the skin to create a massage-like effect. 

If you suffer from chronic pain, especially on your neck and/or back, you should give gua sha a try!  Medical research has actually discovered scientific evidence that supports the efficacy of this TCM treatment. 

The method involves the application of a lubricant, usually massage oil, on the area that needs to be treated.  A smooth-edged instrument is then used to make repeated strokes on the skin, which produces redness or bruises afterward.  These strokes actually increase blood circulation in the area and also stimulate the release of natural pain relievers in the body.  Many patients who have received gua sha treatment have reported significant relief from their pain.  

If you enjoy getting a massage and also love doing exciting activities, well you can actually combine the two!  TCM’s Chinese Knife Massage is actually more blood-pumping than it is calming, but the increased blood flow is what makes it an effective treatment for pain and other imbalances of the body. 

You can get a Chinese Knife Massage while lying on a bed or sitting on a chair.  The therapist rubs lotion or tiger balm on the neck and shoulders to promote relaxation, then a towel is placed over the body.  Two, stainless steel butcher knives are then used to pound along the body’s meridians, hard enough to release tension and energy and to promote better flow of the body’s qi, but not so hard as to break the skin. 

These are TCM remedies you can easily find practically anywhere in China.  Mostly, they promote overall well-being, so you don’t have to suffer from an illness to try them out.  If you do develop a cough or have an asthma attack, you can try natural medicines derived from carps; if you suffer from dysentery, boils, or nasal polyps, scarab beetles are often recommended. 

Surprise your Chinese girlfriend by asking her to accompany you when you go for cupping therapy or acupuncture.  She will definitely appreciate the fact that you’re immersing yourself in her culture through TCM.    

Discover tons of great information about living in China, Chinese dating and relationships, and Chinese women on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Women Want You, Laowai

Plenty of foreign men are flocking to Chinese online dating sites in the hopes of finding a Chinese women.  Many more who are working in China also have the same desire.  Luckily for these men, an increasing number of Chinese women are also starting to prefer foreign men as husbands.  They are even taking classes to learn how they can marry successful expats. 

In Shanghai, the Seek-a-Husband-Training Programme offers classes that teach Chinese women, particularly those who are now sheng nu, how to find and marry their white knight in shining armor.  The fact that the programme specifically targets successful expats, however, has made it the target of criticism in the media. 

The programme’s founder and course teacher, Liang Yali, says she wants to “mass produce” the happiness she herself has found, after her marriage to her American husband (a general manager at a multinational corporation). 

Chinese women who are over 35, divorced, and are labeled sheng nu are Yali’s target market.  In an interview with Shanghai newspaper, Modern Express, Liang says, “Many Chinese women over the age of 35 experience difficulties finding husbands domestically, but in the west, in many foreigners’ minds, women aged 35 are seen as most attractive.” (Source: http://www.scmp.com/comment/blogs/article/1249631/course-teaches-chinese-women-how-marry-elite-foreigner-90-days)

The happiness Liang’s programme offers comes in the form of a one-day course, which costs 2,800 yuan; a more advanced course for 40,000 yuan; and an unlimited package which costs 100,000 yuan.

Critics have accused Liang of encouraging materialistic and gold-digging attitudes toward marriage, as her courses seem to be only targeting foreign sugar daddies.  But, in her defense, she discourages women who are only after rich husbands not to enroll in her classes, because she is in the “business of happiness.” 

In China, women over the age of 35 and especially those who are already divorced and who may also be single mothers find it close to impossible to find a mate.  Even though Chinese bachelors outnumber single females, men in the same age group are almost always already married.  Additionally, these women also have to compete with younger women who are considered more desirable.  They already carry the stigma of being leftover women, which makes them unsuitable prospects in the eyes of Chinese men. 

Fortunately for these so-called leftover women, foreign men do not think their age and marital status make them undesirable as a mate.  Indeed, many foreign men who desire a Chinese wife prefer “older” women because they have more life experiences and are more mature. 

The fact that countless foreign males seek Chinese women as wives makes Liang’s classes seem completely unnecessary.  Perhaps her classes are also able to educate Chinese women about how to successfully navigate the cross-cultural challenges of being with a foreign partner.  But, then again, the fact that her programme specifically teaches Chinese women how to land a rich foreign husband does make her intentions, and those of the women who take her classes, questionable. 

Perhaps the prevailing attitude of many Chinese women toward marriage, which demands a potential husband to have a certain income and to own a house, is a huge influence on Liang’s programme’s selective course goals.  If this is the case, then there is some truth to the accusations that she is encouraging her students to seek out foreign partners based mostly on their financial status. 

In any case, the women who attend Liang’s classes may or may not find the happiness they’re looking for 

with a foreign husband; if they do, good for them; if they don’t, then they should start giving honest thought to their real intentions and why they are failing in finding a partner. 

For the foreign men out there whose honest hearts’ desire is a Chinese wife, reputable Chinese online dating sites are a great first step toward realizing their dream.  The most trustworthy ones are where many single Chinese women who also have honest intentions of finding love also gather.     

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