The Lowdown on Dating Chinese Women

All your bags are packed and you’re ready to go. You’re going to start a new life in the Middle Kingdom, and aside from the deliciously genuine Chinese cuisines you can’t wait to sink your teeth into, you’re also very excited about your dating prospects. Dating Chinese women and finding your dream Chinese wife is probably the best perk you’ll be getting in the whole expat life in China package!

Aside from your random experiences with the ABCs in your home country or the immigrants in your local Chinatown; aside from the Chinese primer your company provided for you; have you done your own research about dating Chinese women and about cross-cultural relationships? Of course, you won’t be able to completely prepare for all possibilities, but knowing some very valuable, albeit general, information beforehand is a very good way to start your dating pursuits.

Pressure to Get Married.

You want to start dating Chinese women with the serious intention of marrying one, or The One; but, of course, you will most likely go about the dating process and your search for your Miss Right the way you have always done so in your country – that is, you will want to meet and date several Chinese women and take the time to get to know them before even considering pursuing a more committed relationship with one of them. And even after getting into a relationship with a Chinese woman, you will still want to take more time to see if this is “It.”

For the Chinese ladies, however, the initial encounters may already carry with them the expectation of marriage. Don’t let this turn you off and make you walk in the opposite direction as fast as you can. You must understand that this expectation is mostly brought about by the immense pressure for these women to get married right away. Especially if you will be dating modern, independent women, chances are they will be more open to taking things slow; just always make sure that you and the woman you’re interested in are on the same page about how the relationship should progress.

Long-term Plans.

Once you have found her, the Chinese woman of your dreams, the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, meeting her parents will be just around the corner. But be aware that this meeting is generally not arranged until your girl thinks you are the one, and it is taken as a sign that marriage will follow. Don’t go there unless you are sure you are committed. Your lady will lose a lot of face if she introduces you to her family and then you back out.

And when you do go it will mean, more often than not, that you will have to lay out for her parents the entire future you have planned for you and their daughter. What this will mean for you is you will have to have a plan to lay out!

Don’t let this test of your sincerity (because this is what it basically is) terrify you. All her parents really need is the assurance that you really are in it for the long haul. They have valid reasons to think that you may just be passing through; they will worry about whether or not you will take their daughter, and future grandchildren, away. Whatever the case, come prepared and make sure you have already discussed these future plans with your girlfriend/fiancée, whatever they are. And do your best to give her parents the assurance they need.

The Birds and the Bees.

Whether the woman you’re seeing is somebody you’ve only started dating, or is already your girlfriend or fiancée, she may want to discuss marriage and family plans earlier in the relationship than how it’s done back home, but when it comes to sex, she may be completely mum and very uncomfortable. There are exceptions, of course, especially if your Chinese dating encounters are in the bigger Chinese cities; but you should expect to meet women who, even if they’re no longer virgins, are very wary of foreign men when it comes to sex.

They have very good reasons to worry; many foreign men do come to China and date women only to have sex with them. There are also those who just don’t understand why many women in China do not have a casual attitude toward sex. When you’re dating Chinese women, always be respectful and be patient. If sexual compatibility is important to you, make sure she understands this; if she wants to wait and you don’t, make her understand, too, if you want to simply move on.

Generally, Dating Chinese women is completely different experience from dating women in your part of the world. You can make things go more smoothly by always ensuring that there are no misunderstandings when it comes to your expectations and that of the Chinese woman you’re seeing.

Chinese dating can be a fun and very rewarding experience, especially if you’re looking for the Chinese woman of your dreams. Before joining the Chinese dating scene, learn as much as you can about Chinese history and culture so you will have a better understanding of Chinese women’s attitudes and behaviors. You will find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

The Sights and Sounds of China You’ll Have to Live With While Dating Chinese Women

Living in a city in China, in many ways, is now a lot like living in any modern city in the world: the towering skyscrapers; the luxury stores; international cuisine; international fast food names; the traffic; the busy night life. At the same time, a Chinese city also offers a unique blend of sights and sounds that will constantly remind a foreigner dating Chinese women that he is, indeed, in a foreign country.

A foreign man who is actively dating Chinese women with the serious intention of finding a Chinese wife must learn to tolerate and live with these uniquely Chinese “sensual” stimulations, which have the tendency to quickly get under his skin!

Street Sounds. There is no escaping the sounds of traffic when you live in a city. In China, these sounds, however, are magnified a thousandfold, and that is no exaggeration. The sudden increase in spending potential of the Chinese has resulted in the increase of car ownership in the country, among many other things. Being first-generation drivers, and with traffic rules and regulations not being strictly enforced, the sounds of screeching tires, revving engines, sudden brakes, blaring car horns, and screaming drivers form a cacophonous assault on the ears. It’s no wonder the Chinese shout a lot when they talk to each other!

Blasting Music. This is the sort of noise one encounters every now and then from a passing car, from the neighbor’s kids’ party, or from teenagers/young adults breakdancing in the street. In China, this is a regular morning routine for old ladies doing their tai’chi in the park; for school children screaming their anthem; and/or from business establishments that kick off each business day with a dance from the employees followed by a pep talk. You won’t ever have a need for an alarm clock when you’re living in China.

Hawking Mucus. This is one of those Chinese practices that is disgusting to both hear and see. Chinese men, in particular, just can’t and won’t keep their spit in because the Chinese believe doing so is unhealthy. But what’s amazing and, at the same time, so gross about this habit is how they always have to make that hacking sound before jettisoning the thick glob of spit on the pavement, the floor of a bus/train, or even the floor of a restaurant! And as much as you wouldn’t want to see it, you will have to always be on the lookout for it, or you’ll end up stepping on it!

Happy Tummy Sounds. Eating out will definitely be a big part of your Chinese dating experience; but a very romantic dinner with your special Chinese lady can be ruined in an instant by the sounds of slurping, smacking, and burping at the other table. These behaviors while eating are actually acceptable in China; in fact, they are the highest form of compliment one can give to the cook/chef/host. Well, if it doesn’t bother your date, just try your hardest not to break that magical eye contact.

Not-so-cute Sajiao. If you’re “lucky,” you will only hear and see this typical, female Chinese behavior from a distance, and not experience it firsthand. Sajiao is supposed to be sweet and cute because, apparently, Chinese boyfriends/husbands find baby talk, foot stomping, pouting, and whining sweet and cute. Amazingly, it works like a charm and supposedly melts the heart of Chinese boyfriends/husbands. Most Chinese women have broken well away from the practice of Sajiao, others have fined tuned it to such an art that it actually is endearing, but some just think they’re cute when in fact they are incredibly annoying. This latter bunch is probably one that you’d want to be on the lookout for and to avoid while you’re still in the general Chinese dating mode, as opposed to having narrowed it down to that one special Chinese lady!

When you’re having one of those days when China life just seems so overwhelming and irritating, because you were woken up too early again by the music from the park, were nearly run over while walking in a crosswalk with the walk signal on the way to work, and had a gooey gob of spit land on your just polished shoes, don’t let these things ruin your experience of dating Chinese women, especially when you have a very special date with a very special Chinese femme fatale to look forward to that evening or later in the week!

A foreign man looking for his dream Chinese wife would do well to learn as much as he can about the relevant issues affecting Chinese women today. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Why Foreign Men Prefer an “Older” Chinese Wife

Despite the shortage in women that are eligible for marriage in China, the market for a Chinese wife is still wide open for foreign men; and these men only have to compete amongst themselves, not against Chinese men. This is because the pool of potential Chinese wives available to foreign men mostly include women of China that are considered “leftovers” and no longer suitable as partners for the men in their own culture.

Given that single, Chinese ladies are in very high demand, it does seem ridiculous that Chinese men are still being unrealistically picky; but as they say, one man’s “leftover” is another man’s treasure.

While Chinese men view these thirty-something, independent, educated, and successful women as “too old,” “too strong,” “not very feminine,” and/or “too successful,” western men find all these traits admirable and very ideal in a Chinese wife. For them, age does not matter; and, relatively speaking, being in their thirties does not make these women “too old” for marriage.

Additionally, independence, a high level of education, and success only make them better women – these are traits that also demonstrate maturity and open-mindedness, and all of these combined make them better suited for cross-cultural relationships.

At the same time, these self-sufficient Chinese ladies still hold in high regard the most important, traditional, Chinese values. As partners, they demonstrate loyalty, devotion, and sensibility. Even while they pursue career ambitions, family always comes first.

Their pursuit of higher education (with many holding master’s degrees and PhDs) and success in their chosen field often means that they had to defy traditional gender expectations and overcome great odds. Getting to where they are now molded them to become more well-rounded, proactive, and a woman of the world, not just of China. Given that being a Chinese wife to a foreign man comes with more than the usual marital challenges, her determination and flexibility make her better prepared, emotionally and mentally, to face these challenges.

Being independently successful also means that they can also make greater contributions to their family’s future, not only by raising a family but also by being a provider. And they certainly do not mind not being completely dependent on their husband. The appreciation and respect they get in return, as well as the stability that they are also able to provide for their family, only add to their sense of fulfillment.

Their greater knowledge of the world outside China and personal experiences make them better partners to foreign men and help balance out the cultural differences. Certainly, these women are the least likely to demonstrate sajiao behavior, which is typical of many, younger Chinese ladies. They are not clingy, insecure, demanding, and/or childish – traits that a man who is looking for a lifetime commitment with someone from a different culture might consider unbecoming in an ideal Chinese wife.

Today’s Chinese women offer the best of both worlds: the modern sensibilities of the West and the precious traditional family values of the East. A foreign man who finds a Chinese wife such as this is one, very lucky man, indeed, regardless of how these supposedly leftover women are looked down upon in their society. Chinese men certainly do not know what they are losing out on.

A foreign man looking for his dream Chinese wife would do well to learn as much as he can about the relevant issues affecting Chinese women today. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Express Yourself to Your Chinese Love Through Actions

How can you communicate effectively with your Chinese love? Even if you have decent Chinese communication skills and your Chinese girlfriend or wife is also proficient in the English language, this does not always guarantee successful communication. Speaking the same language does not always mean that a sturdy and reliable bridge can be easily formed between two people. When it comes to cross-cultural relationships, building and maintaining such a bridge is even tougher.

Of course, if you are not very good in Chinese and/or your Chinese love is not skilled in English, then being in a cross-cultural relationship becomes a constant uphill and rocky climb. Then again, not speaking the same tongue as your partner also does not always mean that the relationship is bound for failure. In fact, sometimes there’s a benefit to having an initial language barrier, as it forces two people to go beyond verbal communication. There are more and far better ways to communicate than just through words.

Given that many western men are not always very verbal when it comes to their feelings – a supposed flaw that most western women often find annoying – the fact that the Chinese rely more on what is unspoken and on what someone’s actions signify can actually make a relationship with a Chinese woman more ideal for a foreign man.

To the Chinese, non-verbal communication actually speaks volumes. This includes facial expressions, gestures, postures, tones of voice, and eye contact. These forms of non-verbal interaction play an important role in daily Chinese life and are often more powerful than verbal communication when it comes to relaying thoughts and feelings, whether the interaction is within the context of a marriage, of family, a business relationship, or any other kind of relationship for that matter.

Their considerable reliance on non-verbal communication is largely based on the nature of the Chinese language, which is made up of more than 3,000 characters. The meaning of each changes depending on with what other characters it is combined, the specific tone when it is pronounced, and the specific purpose of its use. In short, verbal Chinese communication heavily relies on non-verbal means of expression.

Additionally, the Chinese have a natural tendency to be mum when it comes to emotional expression. Speaking their mind is one thing; but putting their feelings into words is not something that comes to them naturally, in the same way that showing their affection through physical contact is also unnatural for them.

When you’re in a relationship with a Chinese woman, always keep in mind that actions speak louder than words. Your Chinese love would not mind much if you’re not very articulate, whether in English or Chinese; the most important thing for her would be how you show her that you care. After all, even the prettiest words said to a loved one are just words, and basically meaningless, unless you back them up with sincere action.

It’s not what you say, but how you say it: the tone of your voice; the expression on your face; your posture and gestures; and whether there’s sincerity in your eyes. You can also show your Chinese love how you feel in small and countless ways: send her flowers to let her know you miss her, that you’re thinking about her, or that you’re sorry; learn how to cook her favorite Chinese dish; show concern for her parents; make future plans with her.

Given that your culture is very different from hers, you must also learn about the meanings the Chinese give to certain gestures and the different contexts within which they are often used. Misunderstanding can also arise simply from not knowing that a certain flower or gift wrapper color is not the appropriate one for a certain occasion, such as your Chinese love’s birthday; or that ignoring or being irritated at her sajiao behavior means you don’t care about her needs.

While you may never be as articulate in the Chinese language as you are in the English language, you can still build a meaningful bridge between you and your Chinese love using non-verbal means. In time, the two of you will develop your own form of communication, one that is deeper and which won’t even need words at all, just a certain look in one’s eyes or a certain facial expression.

A foreign man seriously looking for the Chinese love of his life will find tons of great information about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, and all things that concern Chinese society and culture on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted dating, where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Powerless Chinese Women

The empowered Chinese woman has been applauded in all forms of media in recent years, and she certainly deserves it. She has elevated the status of Chinese women in their society through her professional and financial successes. Unfortunately, she has also taken a lot of attention away from those women, particularly the ones in rural China, who remain powerless and are still frequently subjected to severely unfair and psychologically damaging treatment.

The diversion is not intentional, of course, but it is still a diversion just the same. The great opportunities and freedoms that many modern women of China now enjoy have made it possible for these women to take a big leap forward and up. But not all Chinese females are so lucky. There are still far more of them, mostly in China’s rural areas, that continue to suffer violations of women’s rights.

As fast as the modern daughters of China have made their mark in their society, and even the world, the elevation of their status is still not fast enough or big enough to reverse the trend of depression and other psychological problems among China’s greater female demographic. Indeed, the country still has the highest female suicide rate in the world, with an alarming 590 women committing suicide every day.

One of the longest-standing, cruelest, and most harmful women’s right violations that remain to this day in China is the government-sanctioned forced abortions that are enforced as part of the strict implementation of the country’s One-Child Policy.

Women’s Rights Without Frontiers president, Reggie Littlejohn, said in an online article published by the Catholic News Agency (http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/chinas-one-child-policy-denounced-as-violating-womens-rights/) that one of the most damaging effects of the one-child policy on Chinese women is the enforcement of abortion “…. up to the ninth month of pregnancy.” She added that, “It is also enforced through forced sterilization and coercive birth control.”

Social media has made it possible for the heartbreaking and terrible stories of numerous women who have suffered forced abortions to be heard. Additionally, given that Chinese families traditionally prefer sons over daughters, the country’s one-child policy has resulted in the selective abortions of female babies – which can be seen as one of the most atrocious forms of gender bias. Indeed women’s rights are commonly violated in China even before they are born.

Such traumatic experiences naturally do a lot of damage to the mental health of these Chinese women. Many of the forced abortion procedures also often lead to other long-term health complications; some have even led to death.

The violation does not end with the taking away of a woman’s rights over her own body; many more violations of women’s rights have arisen from the One-Child Policy’s enforcement of these abortions. More specifically, the sex-selective abortions have resulted in an extremely skewed sex ratio in China; it is estimated that there will be 37 million more men than women in China within the next decade or so. The current imbalance between gender populations have already led to an increase in the trafficking of women in Asia.

Women empowerment in China is a great thing; it’s a great step toward gender equality for all Chinese women. Instead of diverting attention away from the tragic plight of many other women of China, the phenomenon that is the empowered, successful, and independent Chinese woman should put into starker contrast the continued oppression of her fellow women.

This is just one of the many issues that modern Chinese women face nowadays. A foreign man looking at China women to find a life partner or wife would do well to learn as much as he can about relevant issues, such as this, that affect today’s Chinese woman. He can find invaluable information on the blogs, forums, and magazine of ChinaLoveMatch.net, the home of trusted Chinese online dating and where foreign men and women of China share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Modern Chinese Women’s Marriage Standards

Increased financial capabilities have not only changed the women of China’s role as daughters, but also their roles as wives and members of their society. Alongside these changes, Chinese women’s marriage standards have also shifted.

It was bound to happen sooner or later – men’s marriage expectations from women have also finally caught up to China’s changing economic climate. Indeed, more men nowadays are not only okay with their wives also earning a lot of money for the family; they actually expect it. However, the majority of Chinese men still prefer that their wives not earn more money than they do.

With the cost of living in the country continuing its upward trend, two-income families – that is, households wherein both the husband and wife are breadwinners – have become the ideal.

Chinese women’s increased earning potential has naturally made them set higher income requirements from their future partners. But even this trend has also started to change, as a growing number of women are becoming more realistic with their expectations, being aware, themselves, of the financial challenges of starting a family nowadays.

While there are still many Chinese women who choose their mate based on how much he earns and if he owns or can afford to buy a house (mostly because these women’s incomes are not high enough to give them security), there are also a lot of working women who are more concerned about their partner having a stable job that can help make the family income more secure, rather than how much his income is.

According to the 2012-13 Annual Report on Social Mentality in China, published earlier this year by the Social Sciences Academic Press: (Source: http://english.people.com.cn/90782/8082385.html)

• Forty-four percent of the women that responded to the survey said their husbands should earn more than they do; this number is more or less consistent with the current marriage standards of Chinese women.
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In comparison, the number of men who said they expect their wife to earn as much as they do increased between 2005 and 2010, from 18.3 percent to 25.7 percent.
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In recent years, the acceptable age gap between husband and wife has also narrowed. The average age difference that was acceptable to women in 2005 was between 4.14 and 12.58 years; this narrowed down to between 1.1 and 8.47 years in 2010.
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A report released earlier this year by online dating site, Jiayuan.com, revealed that 98 percent of Chinese women said they would not require their husband to give them their salary; 39 percent said they do not want to become housewives after getting married.

It can only be for their good that more modern Chinese women are now changing their attitudes when it comes to mate selection. Having more realistic expectations coupled with romantic desires and increased self-awareness certainly make them better equipped to handle a modern wife’s obligations; perhaps more importantly, they are also much better suited now to be the other half in a cross-cultural marriage.

For foreign men who are actively engaged in the Chinese dating scene and are hoping to marry the Chinese woman of their dreams someday, the changing relationship and marriage trends among Chinese women signal greater chances of success for a cross-cultural marriage. With so many other difficulties that cross-cultural couples have to face, being able to check off the list the financial aspects can definitely make married and family life much, much easier.

Foreign men dreaming of having a Chinese wife can learn more about dating and marrying Chinese women, and about the issues, both past and present, that continue to mold them, on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

The Chinese Dating Market and China’s Culture of Scrambling

More and more women of China are taking it easy on the husband hunting, but there are still a lot more who are scrambling to get married. This is why the Chinese dating market is still booming. Public parks and dating events congested with singles and parents of singles searching for a potential mate are just another demonstration of China’s culture of scrambling.

The Chinese scramble for almost anything like there’s no tomorrow. They scramble for train tickets, especially during national holidays; they scramble to get on a bus or train; they scramble for food at supermarkets when there are rumors of shortages of certain goods or when a catastrophe just has occurred.

Certainly, some of their scrambling behaviors are justified. If they don’t push their way through the long “lines” at the bus or train station, they may not be able to go home for the holiday considering the huge number of people traveling during such periods. During rush hour, commuters outnumber public transport and scrambling becomes a necessity if they want to get home as soon as possible. Scrambling for and hoarding food are understandable when there are emergencies that threaten the food supply. These, and other factors from the past, have all contributed to create and foster China’s culture of scrambling. Because even when there is no real need to hurry, it has simply become the natural tendency of the Chinese to race, swarm, push, and jostle. It seems that all it takes is for them to see a line forming somewhere, or a small group of Chinese interested in something to trigger their scrambling instinct.

Even the rich scramble for luxury goods because, well, if they don’t, then they will lose face! Given the current state of the real estate market, being slower than the next person often means losing out on a chance to get a relatively affordable and decent house.

This culture of scrambling is mostly brought about by the people’s need for a sense of security. Scrambling is taking action, and taking action ensures that they will get what they need and/or want. Of course, they can always take the laid-back route and not rush to get something; but they are always threatened by the possibility that there may be nothing left for them if they waited. This is what their history has taught them.

The same reasoning can be applied to today’s Chinese dating trends. Marriage is still seen as a means of having future security, especially by parents. This is one of the biggest reasons why they pressure their children to get married soon after they graduate from college. The longer their kids, especially the daughters, remain single, the more they worry about their future, and the more pressure they put on these bachelors and bachelorettes; at the same time, they also feel more pressured to take action themselves.

It may seem that a potential husband for their daughter should not be something that parents should be scrambling for, especially when the daughter is only in her late 20s or early to mid-30s. But for a Chinese woman to still be unmarried at this age is considered “not normal;” people, even her own parents, start to think that there must be something wrong with her. Even the most confident, independent, and successful woman of China can be negatively affected by such kinds of judgment, even more so when it comes from her own parents. And so she joins the scramble for a husband on the Chinese dating market.

While a foreign man, whether new or an old-timer in the Chinese dating scene, seriously seeking his ideal Chinese wife may think that this is not the right attitude for a Chinese lady to have when searching for a life mate, he must always remember that a modern Chinese woman’s choices are not always easy. Additionally, he must not be too quick to question her motivations. This is where having an understanding of both China’s culture and the current issues that the women of China face becomes invaluable.

Foreign men dreaming of having a Chinese wife can learn more about Chinese dating and relationships, Chinese women, Chinese customs, and life in China on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.