Chinese Dating, Minding Your Manners, and Passing Gas

Any foreign man seriously seeking a Chinese wife who flies off to China without bothering to learn what behaviors are considered acceptable and which manners are deemed improper will, more than likely, find himself in some awkward situations, if not excruciatingly and regrettably embarrassing.

Even if a foreign man is completely ignorant of Chinese proper conduct and behavior, he should at least be ready to deal with the Chinese way of minding their p’s and q’s, with an open mind and an eagerness to adapt.  After all, “When in China, do as the Chinese do,” especially if you want to earn points with your special Chinese lady. 

Going on an actual date with a Chinese woman, be it for the first time or the fifth, can already be rife with difficulties.  Being the center of attention of all the Chinese around you because you’re a white man out on a date with a Chinese woman can make it an even more stressful experience.  Not being sure of how to properly conduct yourself is one thing; not knowing that you should be aware of how you should conduct yourself is another.  In fact, it can be a deal-breaker for your object of affection right then and there.

When going out to dinner, for example, and you’re not used to spicy foods, your body will naturally react by increasing production of mucus in your upper respiratory tract, aka your nose.  If your mother didn’t teach you that blowing your nose at the table is a disgusting habit, then you should know now that this is a universally frowned upon behavior.  Even more so in China, public display of nose-blowing is considered impolite. 

If you start sneezing, you should already know to cover your mouth and say “Excuse me.” If your nose starts to drip, don’t let it of course!  Grab a napkin to dab your nose with and excuse yourself.  Just make sure not to leave the napkin on the table.  Do your nasal affairs in the restroom.

Now, if you and/or your date ordered seafood, they will most likely be served with the shells still on the shrimp and the bones still in the fish, and so on and so forth.  If you see your date using her hands to remove the shells from her shrimps and spitting out fish bones on her plate, don’t stare!  Don’t look disgusted.  This is acceptable dining behavior. 

You may want to do yourself a favor, too, and start using your hands instead of looking clumsy with your knife and fork or, worse yet, just chopsticks.  If you’re not comfortable spitting out shells and bones on your plate, you can do it on a napkin. 

So the Chinese food was great, despite your dripping nose and the spitting you had to do.  Your date was great company; she was very considerate, in fact, and even tried to educate you on how to eat the Chinese way without making you feel like a baby being taught how to eat for the first time.  The date is going well; the awkwardness has subsided.  You don’t even mind the stares anymore. 

Then you feel gas rising from your stomach and up your esophagus.  Maybe back home, you hold the state record for belching.  Of course, back home, burping at the table, especially when you’re eating out and even more especially when you’re on a date, is considered inappropriate.  As these thoughts rush through your head faster than the gas is rising toward your mouth for release, you know it’s going to be another record-breaker. 

Luckily for you, burping after a meal is actually considered a sign of satisfaction and is completely acceptable.  Your date will even be pleased because she will know that you had a good meal.  But if you feel that it’s going to be a really big one, then you might still want to grab another napkin and cover your mouth to 

muffle it some.  Again, an “Excuse me” will not hurt.

Your dinner date went better than you expected!  Your special Chinese lady seems to be really enjoying your company, too, and you feel confident that there will be subsequent dates and they will be just as pleasant, if not even more so.  The bill arrives.  For goodness’ sake, don’t blow your chances now by going Dutch! 

Most Chinese women expect the man to pay for dinner when they go out on a date.  You may meet some who are more westernized and will offer to pay for their share, but whether or not you know your date well enough to be aware that splitting the bill is okay with her, always choose to be a gentleman. 

In addition to the general rule of doing as the Chinese do, another general rule of thumb you should keep in mind when in China is this: when it comes to involuntary bodily functions, such as sneezing, burping, and even passing gas, the Chinese actually do not mind; they understand that these are natural things that cannot be controlled.  Other behaviors that can actually be controlled and are voluntary, such as blowing one’s nose or whining about the food, are not so easily forgiven. 

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

The Pragmatic Chinese Woman

Chinese women are fast developing a reputation for being materialistic.  If they were only to be judged by the popular dating show in China, “If You Were the One,” where many of the Chinese women searching for a mate often state in no unclear terms that they want a husband with a well-paying job, then it would indeed seem that the aforementioned reputation is well-deserved. 

Judging them from such a very limited perspective would be similar to the tale of the six, blind men who tried to describe an elephant.  According to the parable (which originated in India), six blind men were asked to describe an elephant by feeling the different parts of its body. 

In the case of the first person, whose hand landed on the trunk, said "This being is like a drain pipe."  For another one whose hand reached its ear, it seemed like a kind of fan. As for another person, whose hand was upon its leg, said, "I perceive the shape of the elephant to be like a pillar."  And in the case of the one who placed his hand upon its back said, "Indeed, this elephant is like a throne." (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anekantavada#Parable_of_the_blind_men_and_elephant)

In the case of the blind men, each described an incomplete truth, but each was a truth all the same.  In the case of people judging Chinese women as materialistic, they are also merely observing an incomplete truth, if not misjudging these women completely. 

Answering this question, “What does a man with a well-paying job have to offer in a marriage?” will shed light on the bigger picture that depicts a Chinese woman. 

In the context of marriage, a man with a well-paying job means he is responsible, mature, hard-working, steadfast, and dependable.  A man with these traits is the epitome of a good, family man.  What woman would not want a partner who would make her feel safe and secure?  What woman would not want to give her future children a father whose priorities revolve around his family? 

For Chinese women, marriage is not only about having a man who will support them financially and give them a comfortable life; it is not only about being with the man they love for the rest of their life.  Marriage, for most women of China, means having a healthy family. 

If there is anything that can be said about a Chinese lady’s attitude toward marriage and family, it is that she is pragmatic.  She wants to make sure that the man she will marry is steady, responsible, and mature – a man who does not only have the financial means to take care of his family, but also one who possesses the proper mindset and one who has the right priorities and family values.  It is simply that women of China realize that a man’s financial status/stability is a fair measure of his integrity and suitability as a husband and family man.

It must also be said that pragmatic Chinese women may come in two groups: one group includes women who still consider themselves traditional, and the second group includes women with more westernized attitudes.  Traditional women still believe that the role of a wife and mother is to devote her entire life to her husband and children.  More westernized women are still very devoted wives and mothers but, at the same time, they do not believe that their role should be limited to the home; so they also maintain careers, or even run their own businesses.

Is one group of women less pragmatic than the other when it comes to choosing a mate?  One group may have higher or lower standards with regards to a man’s capability as a provider; it often depends on the woman’s own educational and/or professional achievements and how these compare with a potential husband’s own achievements.  Of course, there will be a marked difference on how the women in either group would be contributing to the security of the marriage and the family.In any case, their underlying motivation is the same, and that is to find a partner that they can rely on.

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Finding Your “Ideal” Chinese Woman

What is your “ideal” Chinese woman?  Does she have to have certain physical features?  Are you looking for certain traditional attributes?  Or is your “ideal” Chinese woman simply someone who accepts and loves you for who you are?

If you have already been around the relationship, and even marriage, block a few times, then you probably know (in fact, you should already know) that having an “ideal” woman and/or relationship is not all it’s cracked up to be; and finding one or both is nearly never easy. 

But you are on a Chinese dating site because you want to actively look for your Ms. Right, and for love.  And being on a matchmaking site, you cannot simply pay for membership, create a profile, sit back and relax, and wait for love to magically happen and for Ms. Right to come and find you.

 Your fingers and brain will have to do some real work, and you have to be committed to the task if you are going to find your ideal Chinese woman. 

First things first, make sure you have realistic expectations of Chinese women.  If you still assume that all Chinese women are of the traditional variety, then you will have to brush up on your knowledge of not only the women in China, but current Chinese society, as well.  There are innumerable excellent resources online from which you can learn as much as you need to about China and its society and women, both past and present.    

If you are serious about finding a Chinese wife, you do have to have a healthy interest in and appreciation of Chinese society and culture.  If you have an “ideal” Chinese woman in mind, your expectations should, at least, be based on reality.  

In line with this first step, you have to realize that whether they are traditional or modern, China’s daughters are molded by their history, culture, and the modern changes that they have been exposed to recently.  No doubt, there are still very traditional, single, Chinese ladies out there, but a lot of them will have been influenced in varying degrees by the many modern changes that current Chinese society has been undergoing.  On the other end of the spectrum, modern Chinese women will still possess many of the traditional traits that have always defined the traditional daughters of China. 

Just based on these valuable bits of knowledge about the women of China, you will be able to determine what traits you are looking for in your “ideal” Chinese woman, as well as be able to define your “ideal relationship.”  You will also have a better understanding of what kind of man Chinese women are looking for; after all, they also have standards when choosing a husband.  From this understanding, you will be able to know if you meet these standards and, if not, whether or not you have the ability to become the suitable mate a Chinese woman needs.     

The more you understand the women of China, the better you will be at handling the difficulties that often come with trying to find a potential partner outside your comfort zone, i.e. your own culture, as well as the difficulties involved when you are finally actively dating. 

You will find yourself in a lot of complex situations and you will encounter many new ideas and attitudes that may go against yours or which you may simply find hard to accept and understand.  But if you spent the time and made the effort to learn as much as you can about China, these complex situations and new ideas and attitudes will not catch you off-guard and will be easy to maneuver around. 

Chinese dating can be an exciting and fulfilling experience and, while finding your ideal Chinese woman may take some time and a lot of work, you can make it easier on yourself by being well prepared.  

Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazines

and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, cross-cultural relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Dating: Protect Yourself With Common Sense

We are all fools for love.  Sooner or later, it happens even to the most cautious, or the smartest of us.  Not even the most honest ones and those with the best of intentions are safe.  As they saying goes, “All is fair in love and war.”  When it comes to Chinese dating, a lot of foreign men – adult men with plenty of worldly experiences and who have dealt with and survived many of the harsh realities of life and love – can still fall prey to scammers and frauds.  Perhaps it is easier said than done, but good, old-fashioned common sense is the only thing one needs, most of the time, to avoid heartache and getting scammed.

Oftentimes, these are men who firmly believe that it is a Chinese woman that will make an honest man out of them.  These men have their hearts set on having a Chinese wife; they know their love is meant for a Chinese woman.  Sometimes, they easily fall victim to ill-intentioned characters because they are so eager to make their dreams come true that they ignore the warning signs. 

A man does not only have to rely on his gut instinct to figure out if a “woman” he’s been communicating with is honest or real.  There are simple precautionary steps or tests of honesty that he can take/use to protect himself from scammers/frauds and to ascertain another person’s true intentions.

Common sense and due diligence. 

A man can be a hopeless romantic and he can be full of hope that his Chinese love is just waiting for him to sweep her off her feet and ride off with her into the sunset.  At the same time, he must also be smart about how he sets out on his quest for love and his ideal Chinese wife. 

Chinese online dating is, without question, a very effective means to reaching his goal of marrying a Chinese woman.  But first, he must know how to choose a reputable and well respected matchmaking site to join. 

He must practice due diligence and spend as much time as needed doing online research.  Before he can start choosing a potential partner, he must first choose a good site that will suit his purposes.  Choosing the right site is critical to the success of his quest; he can be sure that he will only meet real and honest women of China who are also searching for love and an ideal husband and he can be sure that he will be well taken care of as a valued member of a real community.

Through proper research, he will also be able to eliminate scam sites and even those that are legitimate but are still prone to scammers.  On Google, he can use the keyword “scam Chinese dating sites” to get a list of matchmaking websites that he should avoid.  He should take the time to read forums and blogs to get a feel of the Chinese dating sites that come up on the search results and effectively weed out the suspicious and outright fraudulent ones from those that have the best reputation.

He can also use the name of any matchmaking site and add the word “scam” when doing a search on Google to make sure if it is reliable or not. 

Common sense and prudence.

Even after he has found a respectable matchmaking site, he must still practice prudence and watch out for scammers, liars, and cheaters.  After all, these characters have ways and means of slipping into even the most secure sites.  The easiest and most effective way of avoiding deception is to request a video chat from the woman he may want to pursue further communication with.

Photos, obviously, are not 100 percent fool proof.  Any one can post fake or old photographs.  When you early for a video chat early enough, you can ensure that the woman you are talking to is really who she says she is. 

Of course, he must also practice tact when making such a request; a lot of Chinese women have also fallen victim to players, sexual predators, and scammers.  A straightforward approach may not always work; he may need to get creative.     

To start with, here are the top three scam sites to avoid: Chnlove.com, also operating as ChineseWomenDate.com; AsianBeauties.com, also operating as DatingChinaWomen.com; and  AForeignAffair.com, also operating as LoveMe.com.  Search these sites on Google and find out the truth about their lies.  For more information about scam sites, check out this blog: http://www.chinalovematch.net/magazineArticle.aspx?id=245.

It is always better safe than sorry.  With simple common sense, one can have a fulfilling Chinese dating experience and be on his way to realizing his dreams.  Discover tons of great information about Chinese women and Chinese dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on all things Chinese.

Dating Chinese Women: Is She Sincere?

If there is only one thing you can count on when dating Chinese women, it is that they only date to marry.  This is one of the reasons why “dating” has a different meaning for a foreign man and a Chinese woman, even if both of them are searching for a life mate. 

Nowadays, modern Chinese women are still under a lot of pressure to marry and have children.  Most of them may be braver and choose to pursue personal goals first and delay marriage; but the pressure for them to find a life mate never goes away, nor does it fade.  When these women finally decide to start looking for a partner, it is because they are ready.  Foreign men can be sure that these women are sincere about being ready for married life, instead of just being pressured into it. 

Many women of China who are seeking a foreign mate are also self-made and self-sustaining.  They persisted to obtain good quality, higher education and worked hard to achieve their career goals.  In fact, many of these women will not want to leave China even after marrying a foreign man, especially if they already have well-established careers/stable jobs.  They also realize that there are still far better opportunities that they have yet to explore in their country.  Foreign men can be certain that many of the women they will meet online are not interested in a visa and are sincere about their affection. 

Being financially independent, these successful daughters of China are able to support their parents on their own.  Even if they and their parents still stick to traditional standards when choosing a mate, – that is, a mate who owns or can afford a house and who is as or more financially secure than the woman – it is not because they are only looking for a husband to give them financial support.  More often than not, it is really just about adhering to traditional customs.  So foreign men can rest assured that most of the Chinese women they will meet are sincere when they say that they are not after their money.  (One has to make sure, of course, that the woman does have a stable and well-paying job.)     

But there are certain signs of insincerity that one should watch out for, especially with regards to why they are looking for a foreign partner. 

Even in today’s modern Chinese society, there are adult Chinese women who still concede to the authority of their mothers, whose approval of their choice of a mate remains a critical factor.  So if you meet a Chinese woman online who keeps dodging questions about her parents or keeps giving very vague answers, it is possible that a) her parents/mother will/may not approve of a foreign partner, and/or b) she still has not told them about her online dating activities. 

If this is the case, you may actually end up stood up at the airport when you finally fly to China to visit her, or stranded in the middle of your trip when her parents finally find out about you and disapprove.   

If you initiated contact with a woman whose dating profile only shows one or two photos and/or does not say much about her, you can try to find out more when she responds.  It will be reasonable on your part to want to make sure that she looks the same as she does in her photo/s and to request to see her through video chat or to request for more current photos.  If she makes excuses or says no outright, then it may be a good idea for you to move on. 

Of course, you have to make sure she understands that you have no ill-intentions when you request for a video chat or for more photos; she may just be worried that you’re heading toward more sexually-related activities.

Another red flag you should watch out for is if a woman immediately wants to know if you will be helping her get a visa or if she actually states right away that helping her obtain a visa is a condition before she considers pursuing a relationship with you.  You may view her straightforwardness as a refreshing sign of honesty and her condition/expectations may be acceptable to you; but if you’re not comfortable with such demands, then it may be time for you to simply continue your search. 

When it comes to dating, not everything is black and white, of course; you should still use your own judgment when deciding if a woman is sincere or not.  Discover tons of great information about online dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese.