The Dos of International Online Dating

There is some truth to the saying that love is universal.  At the same time, people from different cultural backgrounds have different views about love and relationships.  If you choose to try your luck at international online dating, with the goal of finding your true love, there are some things you have to bear in mind.    

Be careful with your assumptions

Choosing to date outside of your own culture, your own comfort zone, means that you will have to have an open mind about views, attitudes, and behaviors about dating and relationships that may be different from your own. 

Especially when dating or getting to know a person online whose culture is more traditional than your own, you must expect that they may also hold conventional views about dating and relationships.  You may have the same ultimate goal of finding love and a life mate; you may even be compatible in a lot of other ways; but you may still have different, even contrasting attitudes toward online dating. 

It should be a given that you try to learn as much as you can about a certain culture, when you decide to date someone from that particular cultural background.  This might just save you from awkward situations where you do not realize that you are making comments that are considered inappropriate or disrespectful in another person’s culture.  Or it might help you avoid unknowingly agreeing to marriage.   

Be yourself

Just like you, other people who are interested in international online dating and with genuine intentions of finding a life mate are also looking for something and someone different from themselves.  So wear your uniqueness proudly.  Don’t be afraid to be yourself. 

Highlight your positive traits, but do not feel the need to embellish or fake them.  You want to find someone who will accept and love you for who you are, after all.  Just as you appreciate the distinctiveness of people from a different cultural background, a lot of these people will also appreciate your own distinctiveness.  They are actually your selling points. 

Be honest about your level of commitment

How far are you willing to go to pursue an online, cross-cultural, and long-distance relationship?  Do you have long-term plans or are you just testing the waters for now?  Even while you are just starting to meet and get to know potential partners, it is important that you are honest with them about your level of commitment.

Their goals may be different from yours and they may have expectations that you will not be able nor ready to meet.  Especially if they are seriously searching for love and a life mate and if you are still unsure of how far you are willing and capable of taking this quest, you should give them the opportunity to decide for themselves if dating you online and pursuing an online relationship with you will be worth their time by being honest with them about your intentions. 

Do your research and do it well

Unfortunately, there are many scam international dating sites and countless groups of and individual scammers that manage to infiltrate legitimate international date sites.  Practice due diligence and do a proper search for both scam sites and legitimate AND reputable ones before choosing a dating website to join. 

Perform a search on Google using the keyword “scam international dating sites.”  You can also do an individual search if you have the name of a particular website by using the name of the site plus the word “scam.”  Read what other people have to say on forums about these scam sites.  You should be aware that a lot of these scam sites and scammers also seed forums with fake positive reviews about the scam sites.  So, err on the side of caution and avoid those that have received a lot of negative feedback even if they also have some positive ones. 

When you step outside of your comfort zone, there are more external and foreign factors that may get in your way as you pursue your goal of finding the love of your life.  International online dating can be a tricky affair, but if you are always respectful toward those you meet, it can be a fruitful experience for you.

Discover tons of great information about online dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese.

Online Dating and Sex in Virtual Relationships

How important is sex to you?  Most men on a reputable dating website engage in online dating because they are sincerely looking for love and their ideal life partner.  For some of these men, sexual compatibility is an important factor when choosing a mate. 

For these men, women who are open to discussing sex, or even having sexual relations, online are those who, of course, make their short list.  Does this condition of determining sexual compatibility first make these men less serious and sincere about their intentions with women, when compared to other men for whom sexual compatibility is not a requirement?

It can be said that more emotionally mature men appreciate the fact that emotions, specifically love, play a big part in the sexual compatibility and a healthy sexual relationship between two people.  These men have experienced how so much better sex can be when it is with a woman that they truly love and who truly loves them back.  These men believe that when they find real love, sexual compatibility will be a given.  After all, truly loving someone means wanting to please them and make them happy in every way, which includes satisfying their sexual needs.

In such cases, the love between two people can be strong enough that the sexual yearning of one for the other becomes contagious and the goal of mutual satisfaction makes the sex great. 

It can also be pointed out that many good relationships, wherein real love existed between the people involved, have also ended because one of the parties was unfaithful; the unfaithfulness is often the result of sexual dissatisfaction.  Other times, the unfaithful party simply could not resist the temptation which, one can argue, still points to not being happy enough with his/her partner sexually; if he/she were, then he/she would not be so easily tempted, after all. 

In such cases, it may be that the love was not strong enough to create the kind of physical intimacy that will "motivate" one to want to please his/her partner and prevent the other from straying.  It is also possible that one's selfish needs were stronger than their love for their partner.  Then, perhaps, the love they shared was not yet the "real" one. 

Men, dating online and searching for love and their ideal mate, who define their ideal mate as also a woman with whom they are sexually compatible are not always less sincere and serious about wanting to be in a long-term committed relationship; it is likely that some of them simply have not had the experience of how incomparably great sex can be when unadulterated love is also present.  These men are not guilty of being shallow or selfish, but only a lack of that defining experience. 

Of course, if they find women to whom their relationship requirements are acceptable and who are open to discussing sex online and/or having sexual relations online, then there may be no harm done.  As long as these men are honest about their intentions, as long as they do not make false promises to the women, and as long as the women are on the same page as their "partners" with regards to the expectations in the "relationship, then there will be very little risk of one of the parties being hurt.

Online dating and relationships are also about finding people with like minds, and similar attitudes toward sex can bring people together as well as similar dreams about love also can; whether good sex comes from good love or the other way around, as long as there is adequate understanding and respect between two people, a healthy online relationship can still be had.   

Discover tons of great information about online dating on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of safe Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese

Can You Fall in Love Through Online Dating?

People fall in love all the time, right?  Different people define the experience of falling in love differently.  In the real world of dating, falling in love often occurs between two people whose mutual physical and emotional attraction (as well as psychological connection, if they’re lucky) is so strong, that it changes their entire world and how they see things.  Can people fall in love through online dating, as well? 

Falling in love in the real world is a beautiful experience.  And the experience is constantly enhanced by the tangible connection formed and sustained by constant personal contact.  In fact, staying in love when two people become separated by time, distance, and other circumstances and when any form of communication is halted really only happens in fairy tales.  This is the main difference between being "in love" and real, lasting love. 

With the lack of a tangible connection between two people, which is the virtual reality of online dating, is it still possible to fall in love? 

Answering this question can help bring to the forefront of online daters' understanding the real significance and necessity of first meeting someone in person and spending time with them in the real world, before deciding if they really are in love and before expressing their love.  Often, the expression of one's perceived love toward another that they have only met and spent time with online implies a commitment from the person expressing it and incites hope in the person to whom the love is expressed.

People who date online often forget the possibility that any virtual connection and attraction formed between two people may disappear once they find themselves in a real-world setting.  It can happen that there simply won't be any sparks at all when two people finally meet in person for the first time; or one may find the other lacking in some aspects (in relation to sex, for example), which may greatly diminish their attraction; or two 

people may discover that they just do not blend as well together in the real world as they did online. 

Oftentimes, when two people are finally faced with the real challenges of being in a relationship in the real world, especially when they come from completely different backgrounds or when they have to maintain a long-distance relationship for the meantime, the virtual romance suddenly fades and is superseded by the harsh realities.  More often than not, they eventually fall out of love with each other. 

Two people can, indeed, form strong bonds with each other online, and with constant communication, these bonds can be strengthened over time.  Romance can be easy to create with talks of shared hopes and dreams and possibilities.  The connection, attraction, and the romance can be easily mistaken as "being in love."  And oftentimes, it is the eagerness and the yearning to be in love that can make two people believe that they really are in love.     

It can be pointed out that the psychological and emotional bonds formed online are a more solid foundation for a lasting relationship than the physical connection.  This is actually very true of both online and real-world relationships.  Still, two people who are really in love can really only prove it if they manage to stay together despite the challenges that the real world will have them face once they step out of their virtual reality. 

In the real world, the true test of a relationship and of love is how well a couple works together to deal with their problems; in the virtual world, it is not enough that two people manage to work out their differences online to say that they really are in love.  After all, if they really are in love, they will want to take their relationship into the outside world where they will have to deal with “real” relationship problems.  If their relationship can still survive these problems, then they can claim their state of “being in love” as real. 

It is very important for people who date online to be cautious about expressing feelings of “ love” to another 

when they have yet to meet each other in person and spend adequate time together in the outside world.  At the very least, practicing sensibleness may prevent causing another person heartache and feelings of betrayal.  

Discover tons of great information about online dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of reliable Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things virtual, cross-cultural, and Chinese.

Chinese Women Want Better Treatment

Why are so many Chinese women now looking for a foreign life mate?  A lot of these women are successful in their chosen careers and financially independent, so they have no need to marry a foreign man to get out of poverty.  Many women of China do not even want to leave their country because they have more opportunities and a brighter future in China than they would have in a foreign country, so they are also not after a foreign visa. 

Again, why do so many Chinese women flock to reputable Chinese dating sites to look for a foreign life mate?

These women are all very attractive, especially by foreign men's standards, but they often do not pass the standards of beauty held by the men in their society.  This might be a simple case of the grass being greener on the other side or the beauty being in the eye of the beholder.  Whatever the case, these women have become aware that they can get the appreciation they deserve from foreign men.  

Having higher goals in life, a successful career, and financial independence make any modern woman highly desirable as a life partner in most modern societies; not in China.  These women often suffer from rejections by the men in their society because traditional women who will play the traditional homemaker role are the ones sought after in the Chinese marriage market.  And then there is the issue of male dominance.  Foreign men, however, recognize the value of a hard-working woman, especially as a marriage partner. 

Many of the women on respectable Chinese dating sites are of a certain age bracket, specifically those who are over 27 years.  This is because Chinese women lose considerable "marriage value" every year past their 27th year that they are still single.  In Chinese society, the younger the woman, the better a choice for a wife she is.  What Chinese men fail to realize and/or acknowledge is that there is great value in the maturity that a woman can gain through many life experiences.  Foreign men do not have the same blind spot, fortunately. 

Plenty of Chinese ladies have now become aware, too, that they deserve much better treatment and appreciation from a man; more specifically, they deserve more than what they can get from a Chinese partner.  Chinese men often do not recognize the value of a woman beyond her traditional role as a homemaker. 

A lot of Chinese women nowadays complain that Chinese men do not know how to treat their woman well.  They do not know how to romance and take proper care of their lady by taking her out to dinner once in a while, giving her flowers and chocolates, and by being constantly sweet and thoughtful.  Most men of China do not even know how to please a woman in bed.  They are also selfish, expecting devotion and respect from their partner but finding it so easy to be unfaithful and disrespectful to them.

Of course, most selfish male partners are more or less the same no matter what culture they come from.  In China, however, such selfish attitudes are still the norm.  Fortunately for an increasing number of Chinese women, the realization has finally gotten through all the traditional trappings of their society that there are foreign men out there who find them very desirable as a life partner and who will give them the respect, attention, and love they deserve.

Just as these women have learned to aim for higher personal achievements, they have also learned to seek out a better future in marriage; and they know exactly where to find it.  

Maybe there’s a beautiful Chinese women out there right now looking for you. Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating, Chinese women, and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on love, relationships, and all things Chinese.

Chinese Online Dating: Are You an I-Love-You Junkie?

Do you have the tendency to fall in love too fast and too soon?  Do you always find yourself wanting to say or actually saying "I love you" after only a few weeks or months of Chinese online dating and even before meeting the other in person? 

You may be an I-love-you junkie. 

A strong attraction and connection developed online are, of course, a great foundation for any solid relationship.  Dating online allows people to meet and get to know others who are also looking for love, to find potential partners with whom they have a lot of similarities and who they find desirable on different levels.       

With online Chinese dating, especially, one must always remember that an attraction developed online does not automatically guarantee that the attraction will be as strong or the same in the real world; and an attraction, no matter how strong, is not the same as love.  And saying "I love you" to a person one has only been communicating with online for a few weeks or many months should not be done lightly. 

When a person has not had the chance to get to know the person in the real world yet, put their online attraction/connection to the tests that only a real-world setting can bring, and determined if they really are right for each other, saying "I love you" would be premature.  What will happen when they finally meet for the first time and the one who said those words realizes that they are not right for each other? 

One must always consider the possibility, no matter how small, that the online relationship, no matter how strong it may seem, may not survive the real world because the spark fizzled.  One must also consider how saying "I love you" prematurely might affect the recipient if it turns out later on that saying it was a mistake.

It often happens that a person sincerely means what he says while he says it, only to realize later on that he got carried away by his feelings at that time and when those feelings went away, so did the original and genuine intentions of his words.  This is exactly what happens when people say things out of anger; this is also the reason why a lot of promises get broken.  And saying "I love you" is one of the biggest promises one can make to another.

Internet dating with Chinese (especially those in Mainland China) certainly has its limitations; at the same time, it can also create an atmosphere of hopefulness and endless possibilities.  It can bring a sort of "fairy tale" quality of romance to a relationship.  Of course, fairy tales are supposed to end in happy endings. 

One must not forget, however, that even the happiest fairy tale love stories go through many trials before the love is proven strong and true.  Yes, being in an online relationship, especially a cross-cultural and long-distance one, is already a test in itself.  Being in an online relationship with a person from a different culture and in a different country brings with it a lot of challenges.  If two people remain strong together despite these challenges, then they have definitely built a solid foundation for a more long-term relationship; but is their supposed love strong enough to survive the tests of being together in the real world?

In many cases, saying "I love you" can and should wait until two people have gotten the chance to meet in person and spend adequate time together.  After all, if one is certain that it is real love that he/she feels, then it is all the more reason for him/her to see his/her love as soon as possible.  And then the question of whether the love is real can be conclusively answered.      

Being hopeful is a great thing to have when one is searching for his/her life partner through a dating a website; being (too) hopeful can also be a not-so-good thing if it gives one the tendency to mistake a strong feeling or attraction as real love. 

Being too hopeful can make one believe he/she is feeling real love even when he/she has not even met the other in person yet and spent time with them in the real world.  Perhaps this is because he/she is desperate to find love right away; perhaps the person is just eternally optimistic.  Whatever the case may be, getting to know somebody more in the real-world setting is a critical stage before one can be certain if he/she has finally found "The One" and before a person can truly say the words "I love you."

Discover tons of great information about Chinese online dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on all things Chinese.

Chinese Dating: Are You Ready for the "M" Word?

Understandably, not all foreign men on a respectable Chinese dating site are ready, in every sense of the word, to get married immediately after finding their ideal partner.  Needless to say, a man who pursues love on a Chinese dating website must already have marriage as his ultimate goal, although it would probably happen later rather than sooner or, more specifically, when he is ready, in every sense of the word, to set into motion his plans to marry his Chinese love.

Even when a man still only has his plan of action figured out, but does not yet have all the components he needs to start building his dream, and while he is still actively searching for his potential wife-to-be, he should already be ready to visit his potential partner(s) in person, when he does finally find her, and spend time with her to figure out if their attraction or love connection is as real in the real world as it was online. 

Chinese women who are on reputable Chinese dating sites are serious about finding love and the ideal man to marry.  So when a man connects with a Chinese lady, and especially when the two of them develop a serious online relationship and/or after they have already met in person and decided that a long-term commitment is worth pursuing, the woman will already have the expectation of marriage in the future and the man should be ready to, at least, discuss this possibility with her.  Whatever his circumstances are at that moment, whether or not he is financially ready to get the process of his relocation to China or her relocation to his home country started, he should already be emotionally and mentally ready to take on this lifetime commitment. 

Of course, once he finds the woman he wants to make his wife but is not yet financially ready for the relocation process, he should be honest about his circumstances with his girlfriend/fiancée and, at the same time, reassure her that marriage is a part of his long-term goals and plans.  After all, being in different countries for a prolonged period of time is sure to take a toll on the relationship.  The talk of marriage can go a long way toward making the long-distance setup more bearable and both of your hopes for the future high; getting married, even if the two of you cannot be physically together right away, can even go farther.

Along with talk of the "M" word is the decision of who is moving where.  If you feel great marriage potential in your relationship, or if it's already heading in that direction, you should discuss the logistical aspects of your relationship.  Nowadays, many Chinese women will not be wishing to relocate to their foreign fiancé's or husband's home country because there are plenty of opportunities available to them in China.  A foreign man should seriously consider if he is ready to uproot himself and move to China, to start a new life not just as a married man, but also in a foreign land.  When he does ask his girlfriend/fiancé if she would be willing to move to his country, he should remember that he would be asking her to leave her entire life behind and he should be completely certain that he would be ready to make this sacrifice a worthwhile one for his woman. 

Marriage is a huge step for anybody; it is a life-changing decision that should be given careful thought not just once, but many times over.  When it comes to Chinese online dating and cross-cultural relationships, the talk of marriage holds even more weight because the risks involved in such a relationship are also greater.  A foreign man with a genuine desire to find love and a Chinese life partner must be certain, from the very beginning of his quest that he is ready to take on the unique challenges of preparing to marry his Chinese girlfriend and of being in a cross-cultural marriage.   

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on all things Chinese. 

Chinese Dating, Cross-Cultural Relationships, and Lifetime Commitments

It would be safe to say that a foreign man on a reputable Chinese dating website who is seriously looking for a life mate is ready to dedicate himself to his quest and to make that lifetime commitment, perhaps even more so than some men who have already popped the question to their girlfriends.  Such a man would also realize and be ready for the kind of sacrifices he would have to make in order to reach his goals and to keep his cross-cultural relationship/marriage both strong and resilient, perhaps even more so than some men who have already said their vows.  

Men who go the traditional dating route, and even those who date online but still limit themselves to finding partners within their own country, often have the mindset of someone with the luxury of taking things slow and who can afford to have a more casual attitude toward their search for an ideal partner.  They have the opportunity to spend time with their potential partner(s) in the real world in order to figure out if they are compatible enough and are attracted to each other enough to pursue a more serious commitment.  In fact, they can afford not to think and plan too far ahead into the future, especially about the changes they would have to make in their life, even if settling down is their ultimate goal.  For many of these men, they can simply cross the bridge when they get there.

For a man who has his heart set on marrying a Chinese woman, particularly one who is searching for his future wife in China while still in his home country, a Chinese dating website provides him with the means to meet suitable partners.  While he has easy access to countless profiles of lovely Chinese ladies, online dating and starting and maintaining a long-distance, cross-cultural relationship require greater commitment and a bigger leap of faith; the stakes are higher but the prize is even more valuable.  Needless to say, such an endeavor would cost a man more in terms of money, time, effort, and patience. 

Even if the man has the financial means to visit a potential partner, or a few of them, in China or have her visit him so they can spend time together, get to know each other in a real-world setup, and determine if there is a solid connection (perhaps even love) between them, they do not have the luxury of having a casual attitude - having no long-term purpose and plans.  Even if the man can afford to visit regularly, he may not find it so easy to take time off from work and his other commitments.  At the same time, his girlfriend may also not have the luxury of taking a vacation with him every time he visits because she has her own obligations.  Unfortunately, they also do not have the luxury of simply spending time together online after work because of the difference in time zones.

What this means is every chance he gets to spend with her potential partner, whether online or when he/she visits, he should do so wisely to learn as much as he can about her, and to allow her to get to know him as much as she can, as well.  He should plan ahead, especially with regards to his long-term goals, in order to be ready to make the changes and sacrifices necessary to make a cross-cultural relationship/marriage work.  He has to be fully committed to his quest and learn as much as he can about his potential life mate's culture; at the same time, he should also find out everything he needs to know about the process of moving to China and the employment opportunities available to him there, if he would be the one relocating, and/or the process of getting his fiancée/wife to his home country, if she would be the one relocating. 

It would be safe to say that a foreign man genuinely seeking love and a life mate on a reputable Chinese dating website is financially, mentally, and emotionally ready to take on, not only this undertaking, but all the challenges that go with being in a cross-cultural, long-distance relationship/marriage.  Such a man should set off on his quest with the mindset of someone ready for a lifetime commitment, instead of someone who is only looking for casual and short-term relationships. 

Discover tons of great information about Chinese dating and cross-cultural relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on all things Chinese.

Chinese Online Dating, Long-Distance Relationships, and Making Your Chinese Woman Happy

You have finally found your ideal Chinese woman; you have met her in person and are certain that she is the woman you want to make your wife.  The next step would be to start the process of getting her to your home country or relocating yourself to China.  In the meantime and while she waits until the two of you can finally be together, what can you do to keep her happy, the love alive, and your relationship growing stronger everyday?

Taking the next big step in your relationship, being physically closer or marriage itself, would be a big financial undertaking, of course.  But keeping your Chinese woman happy need not make a big dent in your budget.  Simple but very thoughtful acts can go a long way toward making her feel warm and fuzzy inside, putting a spring to her step and a smile on her face all day, and reminding her that she is loved. 

Nowadays, people from all over the world can easily keep in touch with each other through mobile communications.  You can easily add international messaging to your cell phone plan or, if you can't afford to do this, there are online messaging tools that you can use through your phone to send your Chinese girlfriend/fiancée random, sweet messages a few times each day to let her know that you are thinking about her.  If you can afford it, you can give her a surprise call just to tell her you miss and love her, when you're not spending time together online.  You can even do this a few minutes or an hour after the two of you have gone offline to make the gesture sweeter. 

Of course, nowadays, if you both have smartphones or small tablets you carry around you can be online virtually 24/7, and use voip services like Skype or QQ for inexpensive and immediate messaging. These little efforts to stay in touch, especially when one or both of you have been very busy, are a great way to stay close despite the physical distance.

If you can fit it in your budget, you can send her flowers or chocolates, or both, to celebrate the first month after the two of you first met online or in person.  You can also do this even if there is nothing special to celebrate and simply to surprise her.  You do not need to give your woman extravagant gifts all the time to make her happy; she will appreciate unexpected, small, but sweet gifts just as much as (and sometimes even more than) she will expensive ones. 

You can be more creative and email her a funny photo of you holding a sign in a public place saying you love her/miss her; or post a photo like this or something similar, like a picture of something you saw that reminded you of her, on the dating site page where you first met her. You can simply post a link of a music video that expresses how you feel somewhere on the net and send her the link through email. 

Ask her out on a "virtual date."  Even with the time difference, through Skype or another video chatting application, you can have dinner/breakfast together online, while in your individual homes; you can have drinks or coffee together, just to change your video chatting routine.  Of course, the two of you would have to plan ahead for this.  Both of you can even prepare your meals at the same time, with your laptops and video cameras connecting the two of you as you work in your kitchens.  Or you can drive out to the beach or go to a park and share with her the beautiful view. 

Doing simple things like this is a remarkable way of creating precious moments and memories even while the two of you are physically apart, and of reminding each other just how great it would be when the two of you are finally together and can finally do everyday activities together. 

Share with her your smaller dreams of doing this or that thing as a couple.  Tell her about the places you want to visit with her, perhaps a new pastime you want to start when she's finally with you, or even a new dish you want to cook for her.  Describe to her and show her photos of your neighborhood which will soon be her home if she will be joining you in your home country; or ask her to do the same for you if you're the one relocating to her city in China.   

Small things can go a long way toward making the wait for both of you more bearable, and even enjoyable.  Discover tons of great information about online dating and cross-cultural and long-distance relationships on the blogs, magazine and forum of ChinaLoveMatch.net (the home of trusted Chinese dating), where international men and Chinese women share their life experiences and bare their souls to give you the real goods on all things Chinese.